A long time ago I wrote about what I call ego-merge, which refers to buying into the idea that you and your company are one.

Ego-merge used to be the result of long-term employment with the same company; these days it’s more the result of buying too deeply into the founder’s vision.

“The initial thing of ‘making a life, not a living,’ ‘community,’ ‘better together’ — the terms WeWork pushed as marketing also seeped into this company’s culture in a very real way,” said Kevin Hsieh, a software engineer involved in the group. “There is a looming sense of betrayal and frustration that that wasn’t necessarily followed everywhere.”

Betrayal is no understatement.

Adam Neumann, WeWork’s CEO, walked away with a $1.7 billion golden parachute, while employees are getting worse than screwed.

Combining an intriguing vision, with intense passion and an invincible belief in self, is a recipe that can  hook investors, workers and users — and it did.

Caveat emptor, indeed.

Last week I cited research the showed a culture of respect was far more productive than a nice one and the next day went on to say that ‘respect’ and ‘like’ aren’t inseparable.

Now I have to add that being respectful doesn’t indicate any form of agreement.

This may be especially shocking to the tech world where a war is raging in the open source world.

They are arguing about whether they should have to agree to a community code of conduct (CCoC) that requires them to behave respectfully. (…) That code of conduct basically says that the group is open to people of all walks of life and expects its members to be courteous.

In this context courteous probably means you don’t act like a troll — screaming, cursing, intimidating, harassing, etc — online or real world.

There is nothing that says you have to agree.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how to disagree without being a troll.

It’s also possible to have passionate arguments over a subject that include yelling and profanity directed at the subject/opinion, as opposed to the person.

It’s the difference between

• That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard

and

• You are really stupid to say that.

Further, online trolls don’t necessarily act the same in the real world — it’s easier to be a bully on a keyboard than face-to-face — although more and more do.

It’s actually amusing in a way, since every community of which one is a member has its own CCoC, whether written or inherent.

People abide by them, because, by and large, they agree with them.

And vice versa.

Image credit: InterfaceLeader

It can be helpful to look at our past and see the progress we have made. There are also times when a significant event occurred that prompts you to remember it forever. It can be a turning point, a watershed moment or a placeholder of things to come.

Ten years ago on May 2nd, 2008 I was on patrol in Fallujah, Iraq as a US Marine. By this point I had been in the country for about three months and was starting to feel more comfortable with my surroundings and what our role was. I was one member of a 100 member Marine Company and we were tasked to provide security within a given geography. Our Company was made up of six squads. Each squad would have its own mission and area to patrol.

That evening was very similar to most. Our missions were at night so we would not disturb the local population. Typically we would have a late lunch, go into a conference room to discuss the mission for that evening and head out around 8 PM. During the mission briefings all the squads were together, we would meet up and tell each other to be safe, go out separate ways, and meet back in the morning to debrief

While we were on patrol that evening around 1 am in the morning I looked into the night sky to see flares floating down on parachutes about a half mile from my location. Typically this was done to provide light to an area when needed. I remember actually thinking it was rather beautiful. Each flare lasted about 5 minutes before going out and another would take its place. Unbeknownst to me at the time was the purpose of the flares.

When my squad returned in the morning something was off. There were somber faces and I saw our chaplain. As a Marine when you see the chaplain you know something is wrong. We were called into the briefing room and I saw grown men crying. These were hardened Marines who had seen a lot. It was then that we were told the news.

While on patrol during the night four Marines in our sister squad were killed when their Humvee rolled over an improvised explosive device, an IED. The purpose of those flares the night before were to provide light to my fellow Marines so they could recover what was left of the bodies.

That night was a watershed moment for me. I won’t claim I became my best self after; I didn’t. However I use it as a bookend and a beginning.

Ten years later I am a father to three beautiful girls and married to my best friend. I get to travel, I get to help people and I get to live.

For a long time I carried some measure of survivors guilt. Maybe I still do, but I also carry hope with me.

Will every day be my best? Absolutely not. Will I always make the right decision and honor the memory of my friends? No, I won’t. But I do know that I can make a choice everyday, while those four cannot.

I remember them as friends and companions. Mentors and leaders. Fragile and strong at the same time.

You are not forgotten and we will see each other again.

Until Valhalla —

Sgt. Glenn E. Martinez

Cpl. Miguel A. Guzman

Lcpl. James F. Kimple

Lcpl. Casey L. Casanova

Image credit: Richard Potts

I went camping this past weekend with some buddies of mine. We went zip lining, rock wall climbing, as well as some hiking. The entire experience was designed to leave the phones behind, spend some time reflecting and form deeper bonds.

It gave me a chance to take a pause in my busy life and truly reflect on my meaning and what my passion should be. Did it culminate in a vision that I can carry forth? Absolutely not, however I did lay a foundation.

I think often about the grand journey of it all. When I fantasize about winning the lottery I truly think it will be great to finally have time off to climb the Seven Sisters, the highest mountain on each continent. I am less interested in stuff and more interested in experiences. The idea of climbing alone or going on a sprit quest has great appeal for me.

Why? I have thought about that, too. The closest idea I can come up with is that I am unsatisfied in my current state.

I lack the vision, so instead I seek an experience where I will be alone to receive it. But isn’t that shortsighted? Instead of waiting for our passion or vision, shouldn’t we just act and move toward it?

I think it may be a combination of both. When Jeff Bezos started Amazon he had a vision for something greater than just selling books, but I’m sure he didn’t envision what it currently is. Successes build upon each other and passion can too. So maybe we just need a small sample that we can turn into the finished product.

Where do you seek your passion?

Image credit: pirate_renee

Do you recall your first kiss? I remember mine vividly. It was scary, exciting and full of passion after we figured out where the lips go.

Why do I bring this up? I bring it up because this is a memory most of us have in common and it can serve as a guidepost for our discussion.

It is week two of the new year and I’ll be honest, the passion is not there.  New beginnings and all that are old hat and it’s back to the daily grind. That sounds depressing as I read that last sentence, so what should I do?

Have you found yourself doing the required tasks but waiting as if something else should be happening, not truly living your life?

I have and I probably will again at some point in the future. I find that it can be easy to slip into complacency and forget what got me here in the first place.

However, I do have thoughts on how to dig yourself out of the doldrums and get back to living!

I’m in sales and as such it’s a roller coaster of emotions on an easy day. To cap that off I am in enterprise sales, so I do not see the fruits of my labor for some time. It can be tough and daunting and I must remind myself daily of my goals.

One way I maintain an even keel is by practicing being grateful for what I have. Remembering that work is not all there is. Keeping in contact with those that love me.

These all sound basic and maybe they are, but we let them slip away too easily.

We don’t remember to be grateful for the blessings and challenges put in our path.

We give up too easily.

We blame others for our misfortune.

These all lead to a life less lived.

As you wake up tomorrow take a moment to remind yourself of how you got to where you are and where you want to be. Push yourself; be uncomfortable.

These all lead to a better self.

Image credit: Per

A few months ago I reposted Passion Unchecked, because it still seems to be the favorite excuse when things go wrong.

It was Ben Kaufman’s explanation when Quirky failed.

“If I ever go too far, it’s because of the passion I have for this place, and the love I have for this place, and the community,” Kaufman tells Business Insider. “I want this thing to be so perfect and so great. And, yeah, often I may take it too far, but it comes from a place of love, you know?”

Everybody lauded the passion with which Travis Kalanick drove Uber’s growth — until he drove it off a cliff.

Dara Khosrowshahi, Uber’s new CEO, told his troops that they need to take responsibility for what’s been happening.

“While the impulse may be to say that this is unfair, one of the lessons I’ve learned over time is that change comes from self-reflection. So it’s worth examining how we got here. The truth is there is a high cost to a bad reputation.”

High cost indeed, but it could go much higher if the most recent lawsuit gains traction.

Irving Firemen’s Relief & Retirement Fund filed the lawsuit in California federal court on Tuesday. The lawsuit does not say how much the retirement fund is seeking but alleges that Uber has lost at least $18 billion in private market value as a result of a series of scandals and controversies.

Passion isn’t limited to startups; it is present to some degree in almost all humans, especially those in formal or informal leadership roles.

It is the wise boss who understands that while passion is necessary to attract, motivate and sustain people uncontrolled passion isn’t what brings success.

Success results form a mix of passion, intelligence, grit, planning, and hard work.

What changes is the amount of each needed to deal with a given situation.

Image credit: One Day Closer

It’s amazing to me, but looking back over more than a decade of writing I find posts that still impress, with information that is as useful now as when it was written.

Golden Oldies are a collection of what I consider some of the best posts during that time.

When I wrote this originally it was aimed directly at entrepreneurs, especially the ones who don’t seem to hear their people very often — if at all.

Coming across it five years later I decided it’s so apropos across the board that it definitely qualified as a golden oldie.

Read other Golden Oldies here.

A Friday series exploring Startups and the people who make them go. Read all If the Shoe Fits posts here

Last year I wrote about Tony Hsieh’s approach to employee empowerment, featuring some great quotes from him.

As I said then, the thing that sets Hsieh apart is security.

Hsieh is comfortable in his own skin; secure in his own competency and limitations, so he doesn’t need to be the font from which all else flows.

Entrepreneurs can learn from this.

Startup hiring usually comes in waves as the company progresses.

While most founders will listen to their initial team and first few hires, those hired later often find it difficult to get their ideas heard.

Unfortunately, this behavior often sets a pattern, with the ideas and comments of each successive wave becoming fainter and fainter and those employees less and less engaged—and that translates to them caring less and less about your company’s success—call it wave deafness.

Wave deafness is costly.

Costly in productivity and passion, but even more costly in lost opportunities.

As Hsieh points out, there is no way he can think of as many good ideas as are produced if each employee has just one good idea in a year.

And not just from certain positions. I never heard of a manager, let alone a founder, admit to hiring dummies for any position, no matter the level.

So if you hire smart people and don’t listen to them, who is the dummy?

Image credit: HikingArtist

It’s amazing to me, but looking back over more than a decade of writing I find posts that still impress, with information that is as useful now as when it was written.

Golden Oldies are a collection of what I consider some of the best posts during that time.

Attitude. That illusive quality with the giant impact. It’s the ‘A’ in MAP — mindset, attitude, philosophy — and a large part of the reason you land the job or ‘the one’.

Read other Golden Oldies here.

Have you ever wondered what the perfect attitude is? Not just a top dog or the person out front, but for any entrepreneur who aspires to succeed and, for that matter, every person who lives and breathes.

I recognize it when I see it, know when I’m doing it, and can explain it when I’m coaching, but I’ve never seen it so perfectly boiled down to ten short words—all self-explanatory, nothing to look-up or study or requiring training.

I found those words in a friend’s description of how his daughter lives.

Like 3 year olds, be passionate, humble, impatient, grateful…daily.

Do it and change your life—and your world—guaranteed!

Image credit: LizMarie on flickr

Yesterday we considered the idiocy of postponing your career in an effort to “find your passion.”

The popular attitude is that if you do something you are passionate about then it will lead to success.

Of course, that depends on how you define success.

Most people believe that if they are successful they will also be happy.

Coincidentlly, a large percentage of them have also bought into the current attitude that equates success with money.

So it comes as a major surprise to many who have achieved financial success to discover they still aren’t happy.

Rather than my opinions, I thought you would find these stories more enlightening.

First, an unhappy $150K a year millennial woman at 26 to happy single momhood and $50K five years later.

I realized that higher pay didn’t equate to a better job fit for me. I do know that at the end of the day, life is so much richer than the number on your tax form — and that’s a lesson that’s priceless.

Not that there is anything wrong with financial success.

Ed Schweitzer moved his company into the future decades ago and has already accomplished in terms of good jobs what Washington claims it’s going to do by turning back the clock.  

Schweitzer Engineering Laboratories, a manufacturer of sophisticated equipment for the global power industry based in Pullman, WA, solved its people problem internally.

While others outsource, Schweitzer goes DIY. While others establish a tightly focused definition of work history and skills they’re looking for, Schweitzer focuses on fundamentals: “I like to hire smart people with good values and strong fundamental education,” says founder Ed Schweitzer, who started the company in his basement 35 years ago. Today, it employs just over 5,000 and has revenue of nearly $1billion.

Schweitzer also set the company up as an ESOP, meaning it’s employee-owned.

Even in Silicon Valley, maximizing financial success isn’t everyone’s preferred road, like Craig Newmark — the Craig in Craig’s List.

“Basically I just decided on a different business model in ’99, nothing altruistic,” he said. “While Silicon Valley VCs and bankers were telling me I should become a billionaire, I decided no one needs to be a billionaire — you should know when enough is enough. So I decided on a minimal business model, and that’s worked out pretty well. This means I can give away tremendous amounts of money to the nonprofits I believe in … I wish I had charisma, hair, and a better sense of humor,” he added in a completely deadpan voice. “I think I could be far more effective.”

When enough is enough.

A quaint concept by today’s standards.

Read the stories.

Think about them.

Then create your own definition of success—what you want, not what you’re supposed to want.

Image credit: Ron Mader

I know it gets old, but here is yet another reason to subscribe to CB Insights newsletter. At the end there is a section called The Blurb that provides four links to exceptionally excellent content, such as

Mark Manson’s thoughts on “passion.”

Manson is referring to the oft stated advice to new grads to “find your passion” when looking for work. Seems a lot of those people write him saying they don’t know what their passion is and asking how to find it.

But more importantly, what I want to say to these people is this: that’s the whole point — “not knowing” is the whole fucking point. Life is all about not knowing, and then doing something anyway. All of life is like this. All of it.

He points out some basic truths about work and passion/loving what you do.

• Priorities, like buying food and paying the rent/mortgage, often trump passion.
• You can work for the priorities and spend the rest of your time on your passion.
• Even your dream job will include parts that suck and some days when it all sucks.

If you’re passionate about something, it will already feel like such an ingrained part of your life that you will have to be reminded by people that it’s not normal, that other people aren’t like that.

If you have to look for what you’re passionate about, then you’re probably not passionate about it at all.

A child does not walk onto a playground and say to herself, “How do I find fun?” She just goes and has fun.  

Further,

• You won’t find your passion in a set of data points.
• Nor will you find it by looking/asking/ranting/whining.
• Just because your best friend loves their job doesn’t mean you would.
• People change. Your passion at 25 may not be your passion at 45, let alone at 65.

Don’t just read Manson’s essay, think about it and then apply the lessons learned to your own life.

I guarantee you’ll be a far happier/satisfied/passionate person.

Flickr image credit: gorfor