Respect and Like Aren’t “a Thing”
by Miki Saxon
Yesterday we looked at why a respectful culture is more creative and productive than one where the prime concern is being nice and not offending.
Granted, some things just go together, like peanut butter and jelly, but ‘like’ and ‘respect’ aren’t two of them.
If there is one thing I’ve learned (there are more) over a long life is that you can like a person, but not respect them, and you can respect someone whom you don’t like.
The two attitudes are totally separate and easily stand alone.
For example, recently I came upon new information about a couple I’ve liked and respected for more than two decades. The info made me lose my respect for them, although it did nothing to change the enjoyment I get from their company.
It’s not hypocritical, they are still the same interesting, fun and caring friends, but what I learned made me lose the respect I had for them.
Many people confronted the same situation in the aftermath of the 2017 election.
By the same token, I had a boss for whom I had enormous respect, but avoided spending unnecessary time with — no harassment or inappropriate behavior — I just didn’t like him.
But that didn’t stop me from respecting him and learning all I could, nor did it stop him from promoting me.
Looking back, I think our feelings were probably mutual; I doubt he liked me any more than I liked him, but he listened, recognized my contributions and provided opportunities for me to grow.
I’ve also had bosses, both male and female, who were good folks, great to be around, but I didn’t have much respect for some of the stuff they did.
It’s best when you can both respect and like your boss, teammate, whomever, and vice versa, but if you have to choose always opt for respect.
It’s worth a lot more in the long run.
Image credit: Matias Garabedian
