Over the years I have spent countless content inches advising that all efforts stem from MAP, and just how critical it is for you to know your own.

I’ve also said that it is MAP that enables or prevents people from implementing what they learn and the advice they receive, no matter the source; I’ve talked about the advantages of managing MAP or actively changing it .

And over the years I’ve received the occasional email and phone call explaining to me why I’m full of it and my MAP approach is garbage—only in more robust terms.

So imagine my delight when I read What’s The Most Difficult CEO Skill? Managing Your Own Psychology by Ben Horowitz, general partner at VC firm Andreessen Horowitz.

It’s a great read about a subject that is typically taboo, but one that impacts most people, even though they aren’t CEOs.

The great advantage most of us have is there’s always someone to blame, whether at work or in our personal life, by saying ‘I did my part’.

Instead, tweak Horowitz’s four points to calm and focus yourself

• Make some friends –There is much talk today about “building community;” people have hundreds, if not thousands, of “friends,” but social networks don’t lend themselves to serious discussions and advice about actions needed or mental anguish calmed.
• Get it out of your head and onto paper – I’ve always been a big promoter of writing it down and divorcing it from your psyche. Writing it down is a kind of personal Sunshine Law that helps you to see things much more clearly.
• Focus on the road not the wall – For better or worse we all follow our thoughts; focus on the path to your destination and you’ll get there—focus on the roadblocks and you’ll hit them.
• Don’t quit! When you are tired and hurting it’s so much easier to reduce the goal or just plain give up, but doing so will come back and bite you faster and harder than doing the best you can—even if you fall a bit short.

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Have you noticed that all the stuff written about culture and how to create one that sparks innovation, attracts Millennials, boosts productivity, retains people, etc., consistently boils down to some pretty simple advice.

That lesson was driven home again in a Harvard Business Review post by Melissa Raffoni called Eight Things Your Employees Want From You.

Now think about the kind of culture created when the boss provides them,

Tell me my role, tell me what to do, and give me the rules.

Discipline my coworker who is out of line.

Get me excited.

Don’t forget to praise me.

Don’t scare me.

Impress me.

Give me some autonomy.

Set me up to win.

The descriptions change from writer to writer, but the underlying principles stay the same and have for decades. In fact, workers have craved these basics for centuries, long before the idea of business culture took form.

So, if the desire is that ancient and the pay-back that great why don’t more managers provide the desired environment—they certainly talk enough about it.

Both experience and observation tell me that the lack of implementation tracks back to the boss’ MAP—and the boss’ unwillingness to change it.

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The word on the street is that people hate change.

But another school of thought says it’s not change, but how change is presented and implemented.

I agree with both statements.

Change must be presented intelligently, i.e., in ways that the people involved see the change as positive for themselves and for their situation.

This is the overt side of change that, at its best, addresses both the right and left side of your brain.

But what about the covert side of your brain—the part ruled by habit?

Anybody who has ended a habit, such as smoking, or modified an unconscious characteristic, such as rapid speaking, knows just how difficult it is to change/modify things of which you’re not even aware.

It is this covert side that makes change so difficult.

Any major action or situation has dozens of tiny associated habits and every one of them needs to change or, at least, be modified, because habits are never really broken—they are replaced.

For example, it is the hundreds of covert habits that make changing jobs so traumatic. On top of all the biggies—new company/culture/job/boss/colleagues—are the minutiae of functioning—route to work/parking/mass transit/restrooms/eating/etc.—this list is far longer than the overt list—and far more ignored.

Whether you are managing change for your team or changing yourself, ignoring the covert side allows all those niggling little habits to come back and bite you imperiling your success.

Look at both sides and make lists of what you find and think about how to deal with each, and don’t try to do it alone, it isn’t necessary and it makes a difficult effort harder.

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Yesterday I talked about the importance of failing fast, learning and moving on. I received an email from Chris asking what the best way to move past failure was. He said he was penalized for any goal missed or effort that fell short all his growing years and couldn’t seem to get over it as an adult.

Chris is not alone; like Pavlov’s dog we humans also respond to conditioning and as with every living organism people avoid doing things that they’ve been conditioned to believe brings humiliation—or worse.

As I said, Chris’ difficulty isn’t unusual and there are many ways to approach it. I know one coach who routinely recommends therapy, but I’m a bit more pragmatic than that. While therapy may help in the long run, most people want tools they can use to move forward now.

To do that, start with your definition of failure.

It’s believing that so-called failure actually means something that creates the fear of it. But I’m willing to bet that the times you ‘failed’ you weren’t struck by a thunderbolt, the earth didn’t stop turning and the sun still rose in the east.

In other words, what you tried didn’t work, so try something else.

Failing does not equate to death; as long as you get up, falling on your butt shouldn’t be a big deal.

You can even get up slowly; take time to let the ibuprofen work before you form another plan and try again. Falling down isn’t the problem, it’s not getting up that’s the problem.

Of course, knowing this and implementing it are two different things. Chris is going to think over what we discussed and call aback; I told him that if it makes sense to him I’d be happy to coach him through it.

I’ll keep you posted.

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