Good stuff comes and bad stuff happens; people come and go—and die; great bosses join—and leave; companies start, grow, get acquired, shrink, layoff and file bankruptcy.

It’s called life; and no matter what you do, it rolls on inexorably

You can influence it, but you can’t control it.

The only thing you can control in life is yourself and your MAP.

We all have a tendency to forget this.

For better or for worse, you are the only thing you will always have; the only thing you can truly count on, so why not appreciate yourself? Value the best and improve the rest.

There is only one you and you get to live only one life, so focus your time and energy on changing/adjusting/enhancing what you do control and let the rest go.

Image credit: Celestine Chua

Sometimes motivation requires more than the opportunity to grow, making a difference, challenges and feedback.

Along with knowing what makes your people go, you need to understand what blocks them.

At first glance, one seems more prevalent in women programmers, but I’ve seen versions of it in both men and women and not just in programmers—nor is it particularly new.

One is something known as the “imposter syndrome.” That’s when you’re pretty sure that all the other coders you work with are smarter, more talented and more skilled than you are.

The second is pure myth; again not only in the programming world.

The Real Programmer lives only to code. That programmers are expected to work insanely long hours isn’t new. But this idea that they are doing it of their own accord, for the sheer joy of it, is new.

Either attitude will kill productivity and cripple not just those who suffer from them, but those with whom they work, too.

Good bosses, no matter their level, are aware of these and other mental blocks and become adept at providing whatever support and/or guidance is needed to move beyond them.

However, bosses who harbor the attitude that ‘it’s not my problem’ or believe their people should ‘just get over it’ usually become proficient at hiring—primarily because they get so much practice.

Flickr image credit: Joe

Many in the business world turn to Sun Tzu’s Art of War for guidance in their business dealings and as a basis for their company’s culture.

However, I’ve always preferred the teachings of Lao Tzu to underpin culture, because they provide a more solid platform to attract, motivate and retain the best people for any organization.

My favorite quote describes the perfect mindset and behavior for any boss who wants to be known as a leader.

As for the best leaders,
the people do not notice their existence.

The next best,
the people honor and praise.

The next, the people fear;
and the next, the people hate—

When the best leader’s work is done,
the people say, “We did it ourselves!”

To lead the people, walk behind them.
                                             –Lao Tzu

In case you’re not sure how to put that into practice, Lao Tzu offers this advice.

Be gentle and you can be bold; be frugal and you can be liberal; avoid putting yourself before others and you can become a leader among men.

Image credit: Wikipedia

My readers, my clients and my friends are all pretty driven.

They are goal oriented high achievers; the kind who always see past their current project to the next and the next and the next…

They are fully wired, very social (on and off line) and heavily involved in numerous projects.

They rarely disconnect or step away and are deaf to the sound of silence.

But Sid Caesar, who made the world laugh half a century ago, has some great advice for them—and you.

“Everybody wants to have a goal: I gotta get to that goal, I gotta get to that goal, I gotta get to that goal. Then you get to that goal, and then you gotta get to another goal. But in-between goals is a thing called life that has to be lived and enjoyed — and if you don’t, you’re a fool.”

So don’t be a fool; go after your life with the same tenacity you go after your goals.

Flickr image credit: Jochen Frey

Company culture has been jerked around ever since a few pundits decided that “fun” was the primary component to having happy employees.

Worse, “fun” was equated with silly stuff, such as games, pranks and goofs.

While these things do energize some employees, they don’t do it for long and certainly not alone.

It’s well-proven that happy employees are more productive, but creating happy requires substance.

The components of long-term happiness are things such as challenging work, continued learning, opportunities to grow, clear communications, fair bosses, etc.

All of these require more thought, effort and skill from managers than installing a few foosball tables or gamifying the project.

Flickr image credit: CityLineSouvenir

In this age of hyper connectivity it is easy to forget that when all is said and done the only person who will always be there for you is you.

Rather than fearing this truth, embrace it.

Doing so will give you the courage to follow Mark Twain’s wise words—instead of chasing the approval of others.

Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.

Flickr image credit: Kyra Savolainen

Personal and professional growth is a major focus for most people—that’s one of the reasons you’re reading this blog.

We research, dissect, write, discuss, preach, teach, and study, all with the goal of improving ourselves.

No matter what you seek to learn/improve think of yourself as a computer.

Huh?

In computing, the term I/O refers to input, whatever is received by the system, and output, that which results from the processing.

Programmers know that the results coming out of the computer won’t be any better than the information given it and this phenomenon is know as “garbage in/garbage out.”

And there you have the secret.

No matter if it’s career-related, relationship-focused personal-internal or something else, I/O applies to everything in life.

What comes out is a function of what you put in.

Blindly accepting everything offered by even the most brilliant source will result in garbage out at some point.

Learning/improving requires critical thinking on your part—no one person, past, present or future, has all the answers.

You need to evaluate the available information, take a bit from here and a bit from there, apply it to your situation and, like a computer, process it.

The result will be at least slightly different from what you started with, because you’ve added the flavor of your own life experiences, knowledge and MAP to the mix—and that’s good, it shouldn’t be an exact copy.

Because, as Oscar Wilde once said, “Be yourself, everyone else is taken.”

Flickr image credit: FindYourSearch

The other day I was asked the same question by two different managers, one Gen X and the other a leading edge Gen Y.

The subject was improving and strengthening weaknesses.

They both wanted to know if/when enough is enough.

That’s a question I found an answer to a long time ago, so I shared it, with the caveat that just because it worked for me didn’t mean it was right for them.

The short version I shared is that I stop a specific self-improvement effort when the ROI is too low for the energy (mental, physical, psychical) expended; in other words, there is no viable payoff.

Of course, “viable payoff” is strictly subjective, but any self-improvement effort includes certain expectations (your own, not other people’s) that should include a minimum.

Minimum not met means no viable payoff.

That isn’t to say that I fall back on the tired “that’s the way I am;” instead, I always found ways to off-set whatever action or attitude I’d spent energy changing as far as made sense.

Part of this comes from measuring ROI, but it also comes from intelligent prioritizing, which requires the recognition that time is finite and one needs to pick one’s battles.

Perhaps that’s what life, both personally and at work, is really all about—much like the saying that the journey is the best part.

In fact, I hope that when I’m gone those who knew me will say, “From self improvement to self acceptance. A good trip.”

Image credit: JJChandler.com

Yesterday we considered the dangers inherent when employees start thinking of themselves as an extension of the company/manager, as in ““I’m great because my company/manager is great.” instead of, “I’m great and my company/manager is great.””

Today we’ll look at why building people, as opposed to making them dependent, is a smart move and three prime things to help you do it.

People building is imperative, because reputation, both the manager’s and the company’s, is everything when hiring, and being known for your great G&S (grow and strengthen) policies and actions will help you attract, develop and keep the best and brightest.

You’ll still lose some now and then when they’re ready for the next challenge and you can’t provide it, but the benefits resulting from their ultra-high productivity and creativeness during the time they’re with you will far outweigh the loss when they do leave.

G&S isn’t rocket science, nor does it have to be costly.

Here are three basic rules to encourage G&S and discourage ego-merge.

1. Treat everyone on your team and in your company with the same level of respect you want.
2. Listen to your people. Encourage and assist them as much as possible in developing the skills they need to take their next step—even when it makes your life a bit more difficult.
3. Always remind them that for all their successes, challenges, and failures it’s “and” not “because.”

Any manager can implement these and other strategies on her own, whether the company supports G&S or not.

However, it’s to a company’s advantage to fight ego-merge and advocate G&S through its policies, then support it by hiring managers who believe in the power of G&S.

But what if you’re a manager pushing G&S down while your own manager is either blind to it or the type who sees ego-merge as a plus?

But what can you do to avoid ego-merge as a worker with no control or leverage?

Awareness is the best protection against ego-merge. Recognize that it exists, understand what it is, know its symptoms and whether you’re prone to it, then monitor yourself, always remembering that the opposite of ego-merge is not arrogance.

Here’s what you do.

1. Post a watch for the first symptom of ego-merge: when your glow of accomplishment for an exemplary project you did is quickly quenched by negative internal news or media coverage. The greater the offset the greater the ego-merge.
2. Listen to yourself. When describing a project (successful or not) or coup (large or small), listen to how you describe it and where and how you attribute its success or failure. Adjust accordingly.
3. Offset and reduce ego-merge in others by publicly giving full credit to those around you at all levels up and down for their contributions.

Flickr image credit: vetlesk

The people who pay me to write do so because I have the skill of brevity. Writing is an art and artists are quick to cite those who most influenced their talent. I’m no different and Pauline Phillips, AKA Abigail Van Buren, AKA Dear Abby, who died Wednesday, was a huge influence growing up. I read her every day and her skill creating pithy, answers that said it all in very few words. Although often irreverent her answers were still empathetic and never hurtful or sarcastic. She impressed me no end and I’ve done my best to absorb it into my own style, although I’m not nearly as good at it.

A favorite I couldn’t find was in response to a 32 year old woman who wondered if it was too late to become a doctor, because it takes 10 years and she would be 43 by the time she was licensed. Abby’s response? Yes, it would take 10 years, and yes, she would be 43, however, in 10 years she would be 43 no matter what she did.

Here are some others that I was able to find.

Dear Abby: Our son married a girl when he was in the service. They were married in February and she had an 8½-pound baby girl in August. She said the baby was premature. Can an 8½-pound baby be this premature?— Wanting to Know
Dear Wanting: The baby was on time. The wedding was late. Forget it.

Dear Abby: A woman who was married for 46 years wrote a long story about how hard her husband was to live with. She asked you whether she should choose divorce or suicide. You told her divorce was preferable. Are you married to a divorce lawyer, Abby?” — Nosy ”
Dear Nosy: No. Are you married to an undertaker?”

Dear Abby: My wife sleeps in the raw. Then she showers, brushes her teeth and fixes our breakfast — still in the buff. We’re newlyweds and there are just the two of us, so I suppose there’s really nothing wrong with it. What do you think? — Ed
Dear Ed: It’s O.K. with me. But tell her to put on an apron when she’s frying bacon.

Dear Abby: I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can’t afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Have you any suggestions? — M. J. B. in Oakland, Calif.
Dear M. J. B.: Yes. Run for a public office.

And as someone who lived with her gay friends on Nob Hill 30-odd years ago this is my all time favorite.

Dear Abby: Two men who claim to be father and adopted son just bought an old mansion across the street and fixed it up. We notice a very suspicious mixture of company coming and going at all hours — blacks, whites, Orientals, women who look like men and men who look like women. This has always been considered one of the finest sections of San Francisco, and these weirdos are giving it a bad name. How can we improve the neighborhood? — Nob Hill Residents
Dear Residents: You could move.

Finally, a short interview between Larry King and Dear Abby.

Image credit: CNN