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“We are not made, or unmade, by the things that happen to us but by our reactions to them.” (from a comment on the original post)

I guess everyone has some kind of September 11^th story. I wrote mine in 2009 and am reposting it below.

A Different View of September 11

Much will be done today to commemorate the lives lost on September 11, 2001. The story I’m going to share has a different focus than most and one I believe is worth your time.

Among those who died that day was the husband of a woman I knew casually and because our acquaintance was casual I was surprised when she called nearly six months later.

I’ll call her “Kerry” and we talked for hours, but the kernel I want to share is this.

She needed support to move; not just move on, it was too early for that, but to physically move.

Kerry said the reaction to “Craig’s” death changed when people found out he died in the attack. It changed from sympathy or empathy to an almost macabre interest in how she felt because he died “that way.”

Many seemed to feel that her politics should change (she is ‘liberal moderate’, her words) and that the event should be the main focus not only in her life, but also for her two young daughters and she didn’t want that.

Kerry said she called me because she remembered my saying that I found it sad that John Kennedy Jr.’s life seemed to be defined by his father’s death; that he never was able to become anyone other than the little boy who saluted at the funeral.

Kerry said that she didn’t want her kids to be forever known as “Kristy/Jenny-her-father-was-killed-in-the-September-11-attacks”

The problem was that many of her family and friends were horrified at how she felt. They acted as if losing Craig September 11 made his death a national symbol, not a personal tragedy.

We talked many times over the next few months and the upshot was that Kerry did move far away where no one knew them. When Craig’s death came up in conversation Kerry just said that her husband had died; she said when her daughters were mature enough she would tell them what happened, but not until they had the opportunity for a normal life—not one filled with other people’s baggage.

I think for Kerry I was “the stranger on the plane,” the uninvolved person to whom you can say anything because you will never see or hear from them again and I was honored to play that part.

The death of a parent is always tragic. I know; I was five when the driver of the car in which my father was traveling fell asleep at the wheel and drove off a mountain road.

The point I want to make today is that we don’t forget, but we do move on and as we move we grow and change.

No matter how horrendous the event we all have the ability to choose what defines us and what memories rule our lives.

Never allow others to force you into a role that fits their view of what should define you.

Image credit: Foxtongue

Bosses; today we’re going to start with the very negative and move forward to the very positive. Have you (or someone you know) ever worked for a boss who you thought was nuts? You might be surprised at how accurate that “diagnosis” actually is.

One out of every 25 company high-flyers is believed to have the mental disorder but disguises it through their high status, charm and manipulation in the workplace.

Speaking of nuts, have you ever read a story where you couldn’t figure out which boss qualified as such?

A businessman at the centre of a £10 million High Court battle involving claims of drunkenness and lewd behavior among senior staff at Microsoft in Britain is the victim of a “boardroom ambush”, according to friends.

What comes between very, very bad and very, very good? It depends on who you ask.

And that brings us to Carol Bartz, who was fired by phone to avoid rumors, AKA board leaks. More interesting is the difference between the email to employees sent by the Board and Bartz’s blunt, honest comments in an exclusive interview; blunt in spite of probably costing her as much as $10 million for violating a non-disparagement clause.

Fortune today published an explosive interview with Carol Bartz, who on Tuesday was fired as Yahoo CEO after 32 months on the job. In it, she referred to her fellow board members as “doofuses,” and said that they “f—ed me over.”

Finally, moving all the way to positive, we have Amazon’s Jeff Bezos, who, along with Tony Hsieh at Zappos (which Amazon acquired at Hsieh’s request) are the poster boys of great culture, employee engagement, innovation and profit. This profile from Fast Company is one of the best articles about Bezos that I’ve seen.

Has he been lucky? “Extraordinarily,” he says. It couldn’t have happened without “planetary alignment,” he explains. But luck isn’t all. Bezos’s success also springs from his ideas about running companies and creating innovation. His thinking is farsighted and intuitive. … “It’s one thing to be a data junkie who just looks at history, but Jeff takes a prospective view. He takes risks and he changes and changes.”

Enjoy!

Flickr image credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pedroelcarvalho/2812091311/

A Friday series exploring Startups and the people who make them go. Read all If the Shoe Fits posts here

Tony, a founder, called and asked why I kept harping on culture instead of providing real help to startups. He said that culture was all very well, but there was enormous pressure to get the product out, meet with investors and hire people, especially considering the high rate of churn he sees.

In short, Tony believes that culture is a rich CEO’s game; not something a hard-charging founder should be wasting his time on.

I sent him a link to David Hornik, a guy at August Capital who invests for a living, who had this to say in a post on his blog that I saw at Business Insider.

…why am I so high on company culture as an investor in startups? It is because culture matters. Companies with a strong culture inevitably find it easier to recruit like-minded employees. What’s more, a strong culture dramatically decreases attrition. Companies with a shared purpose are more efficient — they work well together in pursuit of a common goal. Employees can appreciate their company’s priorities and focus on the stuff that matters. And, at the end of the day, fun and games matters. People would rather work at a company that they genuinely enjoy and believe in than one that lacks any real sense of purpose.

There are dozens of others I could send, but after our conversation I doubt they would impact him—Tony’s mind is made up.

What about yours?

Option Sanity™ IS culture

Come visit Option Sanity for an easy-to-understand, simple-to-implement stock process.  It’s so easy a CEO can do it.

Warning.
Do not attempt to use Option Sanity™ without a strong commitment to business planning, financial controls, honesty, ethics, and “doing the right thing.” Use only as directed.
Users of Option Sanity may experience sudden increases in team cohesion and worker satisfaction. In cases where team productivity, retention and company success is greater than typical, expect media interest and invitations as keynote speaker.

Image credit: Bun in a Can Productions

I read a great article in the Wall Street Journal on disaster as inspiration.

It’s timely because

• not all startups are Net startups – Net startups get most of the press, just as they did the last time, but the idea that the only companies worth funding or working for must be engaged in providing some consumer service that requires massive numbers of users and often relies on advertising for revenue (assuming it has a revenue model) is not only inaccurate, but also ridiculous;
• ‘find a need/nitch and fill it” can change the world—even if it only changes small pieces at a time it often does it in a way that flashier models don’t;
• intrapreneurship is not only alive and well it’s also extremely successful, as shown in the Wall Street Journal article—or just think ‘Apple’, ‘Intel’, ‘IBM’, the list is endless;

As the Wall Street Journal article points out, real-world happenings, especially disasters such as hurricanes, inspire both innovation of existing products and the creation of totally new ones; both entrepreneurs and intrapreneurs.

Whether it’s disaster or downtime, you need to keep your mind as open as your eyes.

Flickr image credit: zzzack

leave their people hanging!

Flickr image credit: HikingArtist.com

It’s funny how things work. I received this email the same day I read about a solution.

Hi Miki, I have a small company and would like to add some fun for my people. They tell me they love the culture and there is very little turnover, so I tend to believe that I’m accomplishing. I read about the extra perks companies offer like foosball, ping pong, massages and other stuff, but there are neither dollars nor space. Do you have a suggestion for something I can add that is affordable and fun? –Jim

Here is my reply.

Hi Jim, I do have a suggestion. I think they are fairly new, will cost you less than $100 and batteries are the only ongoing cost. They are called airswimmers and there are many ways to incorporate them in your workplace. For example, controlling the remote can be used as a reward for exceptional customer service or closing a difficult sale. I’m sure your people can think of some great uses once you have them. If you do get them please let me know what they think and how you use them. –Miki

There are actually many inexpensive items that can lower stress and lighten the workday; you just have to look for them.

Flickr image credit: ZedBee | Zoë Power

It’s Labor Day and most of you are out laboring over your BBQ, on your boat, at the pool or on another of the myriad Labor Day opportunities to goof off. But just in case you are looking for more virtuous reading than that mystery, thriller or romance, this month’s Leadership Development Carnival, presented as a leadership shopping spree, has much to offer.

Aisle One: Pens and Pencils

Mark Bennett, from the Oracle team, starts us off with Uncertainty, Fear, and Our Response posted at TalentedApps, saying, “How leaders respond to uncertainty shows whether they think they even have a choice and how their choices can seriously affect the future.”
If you have an Ipad or access to one, check out the new Ipad version of this blog. Very cool! But no fair – after are, they’re Oracle. (-:

Anne Perschel and Marion Chapsal presents Leaders Stand When It’s Easier to Sit posted at Germane Insights. Great post on leaders taking a stand. I had the pleasure of having lunch with Anne this month – she’s as awesome in person as she is with her blog. I’m looking forward to some new research Anne and Marion are about to publish on woman and power.

Tanveer Naseer presents 4 Lessons On Team-Building I Learned From My Garden | posted at TanveerNaseer.com. Great lessons! I’m actually going to try them on my garden first – it’s looking like it needs a little TLC and inspiration.

Lynn Dessert presents How to handle anger in the workplace posted at Elephants at Work. Lynn is another blogger I had the pleasure meeting when I lived in Rochester, NY, and will be hosting her first Leadership Development Carnival next month. Some good tips on how to keep your cool at work.

Mary Jo Asmus presents There is an “I” in Conflict posted at Mary Jo Asmus. While you at at Mary Jo’s blog, check out the results of the August Leadership Development Challange. Not than anyone is keeping score.

Wally Bock presents Theory X in Sheep’s Clothing posted at Three Star Leadership, saying “Artificial fun at work programs are the latest manifestation of DouglasMcGregor’s famous theory. The bad one.” Thanks, Wally, you were right, this one did indeed warm my heart.

Aisle Two: Paper Supplies:

Tanmay Vora presents Change: From Vision to Execution posted at QAspire. “Leaders establish a lofty vision for a large scale change initiative and then strategize to align the team. Sometimes, the team gets over-excited by this grand vision and get stuck. They cannot define a strategy or a plan of action that takes them closer to that grand vision.” Agree!

Bret L. Simmons presents Five Beliefs Employees Hold About Leaders That Cause Silence posted at Bret L. Simmons. Interesting research from Dr. Bret on why employees don’t speak up – required reading assignment for leaders.

Anna Farmery presents The Confused Employee posted at The Engaging Brand. Are you confusing your team? Find out.

Gwyn Teatro presents Six Ways To Make Collaboration Work posted at You’re Not the Boss of Me. Check out the cute Pixar film at the end.

Kevin Eikenberry presents Five Leadership Milestones to Set and Reach posted at Leadership and Learning with Kevin Eikenberry, saying, “This post outlines five leadership milestones to set, reach, and celebrate. Where are you on your leadership journey? Where would you like to be?” Good questions, Kevin – Thanks!

Aisle Three: Backpacks:

Guy Harris presents One Way to Head Off a Conflict: Manage Expectations posted at Guy Harris: The Recovering Engineer, saying, “As leaders, we can decrease the emotional reaction people may have in uncomfortable situations by giving them information and clarifying expectations.” Love the name of this blog.

Jesse Lyn Stoner presents Five Easy Ways To Tell If An Organization Is Really Values-Driven posted at Jesse lyn Stoner Blog, saying, “Lots of organizations claim they are values-driven. Not all use values to guide decisions and behaviors on a daily basis company-wide. Here are 5 easy ways to tell is an organization is really values-driven.” I like easy ways – thanks, Jesse. Lot’s of good comments on this one too.

Mike Henry Sr. presents 10 Management Lessons from Harry Potter posted at Lead Change Group Blog, saying, “Post by Leigh Steere of Managing People Better about the lessons she learned from the Harry Potter series.” Mike runs one of the best leadership LinkedIn groups out there and never fails to submit a great post to the Carnival.

Miki presents Entrepreneur: Solving People Problems posted at MAPping Company Success, saying, “Although this post is focused on entrepreneurs, it applies to anyone who believes that welding a group of individuals into a powerful team requires them to only be leaders and not managers.” Read all about tool, fools and lost souls.

Guy Farmer presents Leadership Is Not Touchy-Feely posted at Unconventional Training. “What will you do to make your workplace more touchy-feely?”

Aisle Four: Electronics:

Art Petty presents Leadership Caffeine: Fun at the Cousin’s Reunion with Luck, Hope and Hard Work posted at Management Excellence. More great stuff from Art, perhaps inspired by his own recent family reunion?

Eric Pennington presents The Idea and Reality of Self-Employment posted at Epic Living – Leadership Development Career Management Training Executive Life Coaching Author. Eric gives you an intimate look at his own experience with entrepreneurism and its impact.

Jane Perdue presents 10 Rules for Saying ‘I’ posted at Get Your Leadership BIG On!. Great rules to live by – thanks, Jane!

Sharlyn Lauby presents Get Buy-In When Creating Change posted at hr bartender, saying, “It might seem like a big waste of time but getting buy-in is an essential part of the change process.” Great answer to a reader’s question  – couldn’t agree more!

David Burkus presents Is GSK taking the Sales out of Sales Rep? posted at LeaderLab, saying, “Is GSK taking the sales out of Sales Representative?””

Aisle Five: Snacks:

Michael Cardus presents Evidence; Unicorns; Bullshit: 3 Areas Of Team Building and Leadership Effectiveness posted at Create-Learning Team Building & Leadership Blog, saying, “Within the team building and managerial leadership world there is so much information and Jargon Monoxide that everyone feels overwhelmed. The challenge is determining what works within organizations is complex. Beliefs, false ideas, reinforced negative theories of work, personal fallacies about competence, improper systems in place for promotions, onboarding and hiring.”

Nick McCormick presents Managers, Who Would You Re-hire? posted at Joe and Wanda – on Management, saying, “Kevin Oakes is our guest for this Management Tips podcast. Kevin is CEO of i4cp. He also just published a book called, The Executive Guide to Integrated Talent Management. Kevin advises managers to do an audit of their direct reports to see if they’d be eligible for re-hire. Listen in to find out more.”

Alicia Arnold presents Meetings…How many people does it take to solve a problem? posted at Daily Creativity.

Heather Stagl presents Behind the Mask of Resistance posted at Enclaria LLC.

Jim Taggart presents Are Your Paws Sticky? Leadership Lessons from a Lab posted at ChangingWinds, saying, “Think about work situations where management broke the trust. What took months – years – to build was destroyed in a matter of minutes. It may have been a reorg, downsizing, merger, change of policy. Whatever. It doesn’t matter the reason. The point is that employees – PEOPLE – were hurt, or there was perceived hurt.” OK, any posts about labs are automatically included.

Aisle Six: Textbooks:

Linda Fisher Thornton presents Ethical Grey Areas: Our Choices Define Us posted at Leading in Context LLC.

Jonathan Milligan presents 4 Tips on How to Improve Communication Tools posted at Simple Life Habits, saying, “One of the biggest challenges for an influential leader is communication. here are 4 ways to improve your communication skills.”

Robyn McLeod presents Eating peas and other lessons in change posted at The Thoughtful Leaders Blog.

S. Chris Edmonds presents Power, Profit, or Purpose: What Drives Your Company? posted at Driving Results Through Culture, saying, “I pose somewhat provocative questions about whether your company is power driven, profit driven, or purpose driven.”

Image credit: Great Leadership

See all mY generation posts here.

Personally, I’m big on cremation, but I do find great amusement cruising cemeteries and checking out what’s written on the headstones. I lost my collection during my last move, but found a few on the Net; nothing like what I had, but still good for a smile and even a giggle.

Way back in the 1600s John Dryden put this couplet on his wife’s grave; it’s doubtful that any woman of that time would dare put it on her husband’s, but I think these days it fits just as well for the guys.

Here lies my wife: here let her lie!
Now she’s at rest, and so am I.

The subject of food seems to be a major focus as displayed by these three,

Here lies old Rastus Sominy
Died a-eating hominy
In 1859 anno domini

Eliza, Sorrowing
Rears This Marble Slab
To Her Dear John
Who Died of Eating Crab.

Beneath this stone, a lump of clay,
Lies stingy Jimmy Wyatt.
Who died one morning just at ten
And saved a dinner by it.

In some cases, it’s imperative that your expertise extends to your profession.

He was a good husband;
a wonderful father,
but a bad electrician.

Some assume bad habits persist into the next life.

Rest in Peace,
Now you are in Lord’s arms.
Lord, watch your wallet.

Finally, we have the man of few words.

Once I wasn’t
Then I was
Now I ain’t again.

Flickr image credit: Fun Pic