Stoking Fear, Escalating Distrust
by Miki SaxonThere is one question I’m constantly asked.
The question, in one form or another, is this: Is there a single devastating thing I may be unconsciously doing that messes my people up the most and, if so, what are the effects?
Yup, there sure is, and if you aren’t doing it unconsciously then you’re one of the really bad guys and I can only hope that your turnover soars and your reputation spreads.
The action is inconsistency and the primary effect is fear. Secondary effects include intimidation and insecurity.
The end results in the business world are distrust, low productivity, less innovation, abysmal retention and, on a more personal level, poor reviews, fewer promotions and less opportunity.
It doesn’t matter that the inconsistency is unintentional, or whether it’s arbitrary or whimsical, the results are the same. It’s not knowing that really gets to people—even more than expected abuse.
Think about it. It’s one thing to have someone who constantly criticizes (unconstructively) or disparages you, because you can learn how to turn a deaf ear if, for some reason, you can’t actually get out of earshot. But when a zinger comes out of nowhere in what’s normally constructive, or at least neutral, feedback you’re caught unaware, thrown off balance and it really gets to you.
Actually, the more infrequent it is the worse it is when it does happen. And after it happens a few times people find themselves waiting for it, wondering when it’ll happen again, almost holding their breath to see if this is the time that the other shoe will drop. That fear grows exponentially once it takes root and distrust typically increases at the same rate.
Can you think of a worse scenario for people to labor under?
When it’s unconscious, how do you know? If you actually focus on the person with whom you’re talking, instead of checking your Blackberry or thinking about something else, you’ll see the zinger hit and you should be able to identify what it was. If you can’t, then ask! Acknowledge the reaction, state that you know it was something you said, but you’re not sure what. Be gentle if you expect the person to open up, but you stand a better chance if you ask immediately, while he’s still in shock.
But if you did it on purpose to enjoy the show and then get them to open up so you can twist the knife, I sincerely hope that all your teeth and hair fall out and Zeus’ thunderbolt strikes you where you stand and chars you into tiny little bits.
October 10th, 2007 at 8:59 pm
Aw, April 15 isn’t so bad. It’s the audits that kill, right? ;)
October 11th, 2007 at 11:14 am
Forms in any form drive me ballistic—all those little boxes to fill in—so I don’t do my own taxes and never throw anything out, so audits don’t bother me.