Backlash 1—External Guilt
by Miki Saxon(Continuing from yesterday)
Guilt is probably the most powerful and insidious motivator in existence. Dealing with it is difficult enough when the source is external, but it’s far worse when we do it to ourselves. Not surprising, since most of us are far harder on ourselves when evaluating performance than are our managers or clients.
Let’s start with the easy one—externally generated guilt. I say easy because it stems from the expectations that you instilled in your manager/client/customers and, as the source of the expectations, you are in the best position to reshape them.
- Start by stating your new parameters with crystal clarity—no hinting, hedging, or tentativeness allowed—it’s the only way to be fair to both of you. It’s classic conditioning, with your previous actions setting the original expectations, “You can always reach me on my cell.” then you actually answered it 24/7. What you want to do is recondition their expectations, “If I’m unavailable when you call me be sure to leave a detailed message, so I know how urgent the call is and exactly what you need from me. This allows me to address your needs in the most efficient way possible.” Depending on the situation, you may need to dial back by evolution, rather than revolution, but you’re the only one with enough knowledge to make that call.
- Expect resistance. Recognize that you’ve spoiled your manager/client/customer and, like Paris Hilton or any five year old, they’re not going to let go lightly. Whatever reason you choose to give them be sure that it doesn’t minimize their importance, or make them question your ability to service them; and if it’s a white fib, be sure that it’s simple, you don’t want to have to remember a long, convoluted story, and closed-ended, so it can’t come back and bite you at a later date.
- Don’t back down! Reconditioning expectations in a manager/client/customer works the same way as any kind of boundary setting—once you draw the line you need to stick to it, otherwise it means nothing. Worse, it won’t take long for your manager/client/customer to realize that you’re going to wimp out if they push hard enough. They may be wearing a suit, own the company, or carrying a big title, but they’re just like any spoiled brat—so grit your teeth, remember who did the spoiling, and don’t back down.
- Finally, remember that, just as those expectations didn’t develop overnight, they won’t go away in a day, so tenacity should be your watchword.
Now, come back tomorrow and get a handle on handling the guilt trips you lay on yourself.
