I have a one year old daughter who is delightful, spunky and generally pretty happy. She is also accustomed to a certain standard of living that my wife and I are now trying to change.

Specifically, that standard of living is sleeping in our bed each night. With all of our children we start the first year in our room with a bassinet that is next to our bed. It allows for us to tend to them while keeping them safe and secure as well.

With our twins the system worked where we would feed them through the night, rock them and set them back in the bassinet for more dreamland.

The process started the same for our latest but over time she resisted going to her bassinet and decided she wanted to sleep in our bed. Now my wife and I are of course exhausted and we love her so what’s the harm if she starts sharing the covers?

You would be amazed how much room a 10 month old will take up, they love to stretch and kick and pull hair. They also prevent sound sleep for the parents while doing that.

The time has come that our little lady needs to go to her own room to sleep and this leads us to our current stage of sleep training.

I am not always the best husband, but I will tell you this, if you do not get up when your partner does to tend to baby, you’re wrong. And it lead me to thinking about how this applies to work.

When there are challenges at work or time sensitive events does everyone pitch in or is it a one person show? These moments in time where a lot is on the line tend to show the true colors of your team. When stress hits it’s easy to hide or get away and is tough to stand and face the challenge head on.

How do you react when times are tough? I try to look at each event and learn. Sometimes I make a good decision and sometimes I have an opportunity to improve. However I keep the mindset of always improving to ensure that I don’t crest habits that will lead to negative outcomes.

I am happy to say the culture in my household is generally happy, with the occasional cross word said in the middle of the night

I am making it a point to have that same culture at work, too.

Image credit: Jennifer Gensch

I have small children who have deemed that it is acceptable to say no a lot. At first, we thought it was a bit cute, but my wife and I learned quickly that we needed to put a stop to it.

We would tell them to pick up toys or wash their hands, the answer was always the same, no!

We found the fastest way to stop that behavior was to send them to their room or have them stand in a corner. It works but it’s a lesson that has to be applied almost daily.

I sometimes wonder if, as adults, we find it hard to say no to things because our parents tried to get that word out of our vocabulary as children. Perhaps we get it drummed in our heads that we should say yes to things and all of a sudden we are overwhelmed with commitments.

I went to a Tony Robbins event a few years ago and one theme of his message was, “just say yes!” His idea being that if you say yes to things and eliminate your fears then you will progress in life. (This is a very distilled version of his message of course).

I came away from that event with two ideas. One that I knew I could walk on hot coals, because I did, and two being that I should open myself up to opportunities. If Tony saw me today he might say I was a lapsed disciple, but I did find the event to be worthwhile.

That leads me to my final point.

Are we over-committing ourselves and doing harm to our lives? Have we made too many lunch meetings, too many side hustles and too many extracurricular activities to really live life?

I have a successful friend who has five children. I asked him what his secret was as he always seems well rested and is able to exercise.

He said it’s simple, he doesn’t enroll his kids in a single sport or activity. They are not barred from them, but he just doesn’t encourage it, he prefers math and music for them to be involved in.

His catchphrase is, “Nerds rule the world, not jocks.”

Image credit: marc falardeau

Live mindfully long enough and you can get an interesting perspective on lifestyle changes.

Some will please, some not; some you’ll question, some deplore, and some will cause you to shake your head in amazement.

The last is how I felt when I read new research from HBS.

In fact, some boast the lack of spare time as a status symbol—even an aspirational lifestyle.

“The new conspicuous consumption is about saying, I am the scarce resource, and therefore I am valuable.”

I’ve seen this first hand, not just in the startup community or twenty-somethings, but among Gen Xers, Boomers and even my own peers.

It used to be that overload came from always saying yes, instead of a carefully evaluated “no” — however, if you are known for saying ‘yes’ be prepared for the backlash if you change.

These days, the things that keep you busy also need to raise your profile/ reputation/Klout score/ increase your Likes/generate followers (preferably on multiple platforms)/social presence/etc.

A couple of year after I started MCS a reader asked why I bothered to do it when it generated so few comments.

My response was that I wasn’t writing to promote myself, but to provide information to those who wanted/needed it and that comments came when readers had questions or wanted to add to the dialogue.

While accurate, my response ignored the fact that because my blog is not high profile commenting on it has a very low ROI.

That said, I understand and don’t fault readers.

We live in a world where building your personal brand is a necessary part of building a career, so the time allotted to writing comments needs to provide a certain ROI and, of course, you are busy.

OK, I get all that.

But no matter how long I live I doubt I’ll ever understand the fragility of egos that need to prove their value so badly they are willing to give up their lives to do it.

Image credit: Sean MacEntee

I won’t be around next week, so I thought I’d share 56 words of advice that will change your life in 2017.

• Spend less than you make;
• under promise and over deliver;
• learn to say “I’m sorry” and “I don’t know;”
• hire people smarter than you and listen to them;
• never be afraid to ask;
• treat your customers, your team and everybody in your world the way you want to be treated.

Start in January and do them all all year long.

The results will amaze you.

Image credit: zazzle.com

Way back in 2008 I offered free coaching help to my  readers.

I did it because I like hearing about the challenges bosses and workers are facing and I can often help them craft solutions.

Hearing from the people actually fighting the battles allows me to keep on learning — even when the subject is painful.

I said then that it was a standing invitation, which it still is, but I doubt that anyone has seen that post in years.

That’s why I’m making the offer again.

I hope you take me up on it, because, as I said then, the worst thing that can happen is that I can’t help, but you can still vent.

You can reach me at miki@rampupsolutions or feel free to call 360.335.8054.

I answer all calls or return them within 24 hours if I’m unavailable. (FYI, I have rotten hearing, so please slow down and enunciate — diction is no longer in fashion — and keep in mind that a hearing impairment does not affect intelligence or creative thinking.)

One other thought. This is not a ploy or gimmick to get new clients — in case that crossed your mind.

I was venting my frustration today regarding people who say they will do something and then don’t—it makes me totally crazy and very cranky.

My reaction isn’t unusual; in fact it’s pretty common.

But in a work environment saying yes, but not doing yes is more than an annoyance, especially when the inaction blocks progress on a project.

For example, there’s a part of the SAAS application we have in development that contains a radically different approach to help; it has the potential to be a stand-alone product that could be added to any web or computer based program during development. It’s simple, intuitive, easy to use and the people who have tried it love it.

I have several close connections who have the knowledge and background to say whether it would fly in the market. All were interested and said they would be delighted to look at it—but after more than a month none have followed through.

Empty yeses are a form of tyranny; a passive, often unconscious, exercise of power in which the person who says yes is unaware of the repercussions, doesn’t think them through or, in some cases, doesn’t care.

In most cases giving an empty yes leads to frustration and stress for those on the receiving end.

But at its worst, it creates enormous stresses that hurt the team; wreak havoc on marketing, wreck project schedules, blow product launches and demolish revenue streams.

Whenever I’m coaching and discuss this with people they tell me that they ‘meant to do it’ or ‘didn’t want to say no and hurt someones feelings by saying no’.

Knowing all this should tell you that learning to say ‘no’ is one of the most important life skills you need to master.

I’ve written previously about learning to say no as well as handling the backlash and guilt that can come from saying it.

Read the posts and if you want additional help feel free to call me at 866.265.7267 or email miki@rampupsolutions.com; to avoid filters please use ‘learn to say no’ in the subject line.

Image credit: sxc.hu