“The stakes are high. You’re dealing with volatility. There are often secrets. … You often feel confused, at odds with a least one of your people, out of control.”

Do you ever feel this way when dealing with team members who are at odds?

It’s actually a quote by Richard Simon, editor of The Psychotherapy Networker (article in the NY Times), addressing the extremely high stress of being a couples therapist. (I did change ‘patient’ to ‘people’)

The parallels between couples therapy and managing are amazing—and frightening.

Frightening because too often these days people are making guns their solution of choice, so ignoring stuff may not be the best option.

Even managers with fantastic teams working in great companies with excellent cultures often feel stressed when dealing with the daily squabbles of normal human beings.

Downgrade any of those components and the stress goes up accordingly.

When dealing with the situation and resulting stress you need to recognize is that it’s not unique to you or your organization; it’s normal.

The first thing to do is make sure that you aren’t the source, but if your MAP is contributing to the problem apply whatever corrections are necessary to change that.

The second thing is to recognize that you have little choice but to act as a therapist on occasion, take time to learn a few of the tools and add them to your management skillset.

Because as much as your team and company will benefit from that knowledge, there is no question that you will benefit more.

Flickr image credit: cliff1066™

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