A Friday series exploring Startups and the people who make them go. Read allIf the Shoe Fits posts here.
I get so tired of people being labeled “self-made,” whether by the media, their circle or themselves.
There is no such thing.
I can hear your thoughts across the miles. “Who is she to say there’s no such thing as self-made. Just because she didn’t do it doesn’t mean I can’t.”
I agree, I’m nobody, but Arnold Schwarzenegger is a well-known somebody and he says the same thing.
I always tell people that you can call me anything that you want. You can call me Arnold. You can call me Schwarzenegger. You can call me ‘the Austrian Oak.’ You can call me Schwarzy. You can call me Arnie. But don’t ever, ever call me the self‑made man.
It took a lot of help. None of us can make it alone. None of us. (…) And I have to say that it is important to acknowledge that, because people make it always sound that you did all this yourself.
I didn’t. I did it with a lot of help.
Yes, I was determined. Yes, I never listened to the naysayers. Yes, I had a great vision. Yes, I had the fire in the belly and all of those things, but I didn’t do it without the help.
Here’s the full video in case you think I made it up.
Now stand in front of the mirror and say three times, “I am not self-made.” Repeat twice daily until you believe it.
Most people are familiar with the Golden Rule—do unto others as you would have them do unto you—but there should be a corollary—do unto to yourself as you do unto others.
People who find it easy to be supportive and understanding to others, it turns out, often score surprisingly low on self-compassion tests, berating themselves for perceived failures… People who score high on tests of self-compassion have less depression and anxiety, and tend to be happier and more optimistic.
It seems that some people don’t apply compassion to themselves in fear of it morphing into indulgence.
Does this describe you or someone you know?
If yes, what can you do?
My own observations tell me that self-indulgent people rarely show compassion, so the fear doesn’t make much sense.
I found the article especially interesting, because I’m often guilty of beating myself up and I could use more self-compassion. I do fine on the big things, but the small stuff not so much.
I believe that self-compassion is part of MAP (mindset, attitude, philosophy™), so what I needed to do was change mine and being me I wanted a simple and as easy as possible way to do it—and I think found it.
How? By thinking of myself in third person—not ‘me’, but ‘she’.
I had a great chance to try the approach out yesterday.
I was moving something, knocked over a favorite plant and more than half broke off.
My immediate reaction was to tear into myself, but I stopped and instead thought what I would say to a guest who did the same thing—which would have been along the lines of “not a big deal; don’t worry about it; it will grow back.”
So that is what I said to me.
And you know what?
It worked.
Now I just need to do it every time and make it a habit.
Why not give it a try? You’ll be surprised at the difference it makes.
This is a guest post from Becky Robinson, who writes Weaving Influence, and is also working with Kevin Eikenberry on the launch today of his new book, From Bud to Boss; Becky is Director of Social Media Marketing and Community Building.
In all honesty I haven’t read the book, but I can say that Kevin is well-grounded and typically gives solid, common sense advice.
In this post, Becky offers up her own savvy input on the importance of team support.
The Final Mile
If you’ve worked on a big project lately, you know that fatigue can set in as you approach the final days before the launch.
In mid-December, I joined a new team to help with the promotion of a new book, due out for publication today.
I am working with two authors who I knew, in varying degrees, before I joined the team. At that point, they had already done the work to bring the book to print: the planning, the writing, and the editing.
In many ways, I joined them during the 4th quarter, the 9th inning, the final mile of a marathon.
By the time I get to the final miles or yards of a long race, I am running on pure guts. To keep myself going, I remind myself of how far I’ve come, how little I have left in comparison, and why I am running in the first place.
Yet despite my mental gymnastics, I find myself slowing. Many times, until I can actually see the finish line, I am barely shuffling along.
When I’ve run long distance races before, I’ve watched with envy as fellow runners are joined by friends or family members in those last miles. Suddenly, those runners pick up the pace, encouraged by the presence of others to help them along. Their friends have fresh legs and they seem to impart extra energy just by their presence.
Ending a race well is important.
Having a strong team to surround you is a great way to increase your chances of success when you are completing a long term project. When you feel depleted, you can rely on the energy and enthusiasm of your teammates. When you feel refreshed, you can give support to others.
You can even add team members to your project during the final miles to gain their strength as you finish your project. When they join you with fresh legs, you’ll find yourself running even faster toward your finish line.
If you’re interested in the new book I’ve been working on, you can learn more at www.frombudtoboss.com. From Bud to Boss: Secrets to a Successful Transition to Remarkable Leadership is a new book from Kevin Eikenberry and Guy Harris. If you buy the book today, you will be able to access great bonuses from our partners.
For all the talk about bullying, one dirty little secret is just starting to see the light of day.
Bullies are split 60/40 (men/women), but while men are equal opportunity bullies—they stomp on anyone— women are more likely to bully other women “more than 70 percent of the time.”
That doesn’t surprise me, all my life I’ve always gotten more mentoring and support from men than I have from women.
I’ve seen too many women crushed because whatever was done to them was done by another woman, so there was a major betrayal factor added to whatever else was involved.
I never bought into the whole sisterhood thing. It just never made any sense to me to that 50% of the population could be trusted because we all had the same plumbing and the other 50% were enemies because theirs was different.
No more sense than assuming that other external differences, such as race, religion or sexual orientation, guarantee a trustworthy ally.
Bullies pick on those they see as weaker and less likely to fight back, so while I was never bullied I was targeted for more sabotage because I was perceived as a threat—or maybe sabotage qualifies as bullying.
Thinking back, most of the people termed bullies and chauvinists were weak, petty and insecure, so I pretty much ignored them.
I’ve always tended to look beyond surface appearance, probably in the hope that my attitude would be reciprocated.
Entrepreneurs face difficulties that are hard for most people to imagine, let alone understand. You can find anonymous help and connections that do understand at 7 cups of tea.
Crises never end.
$10 really does make a difference and you’ll never miss it,
I get so tired of people being labeled “self-made,” whether by the media, their circle or themselves.
Most people are familiar with the Golden Rule—do unto others as you would have them do unto you—but there should be a corollary—do unto to yourself as you do unto others.
I never bought into the whole sisterhood thing. It just never made any sense to me to that 50% of the population could be trusted because we all had the same plumbing and the other 50% were enemies because theirs was different.
