Back when I worked for other companies I was considered “difficult.”

When I was young I was fired from one job for not taking my 15 minute breaks twice a day and from another for being too honest with a customer.

I spent 12 years working for a manager who never understood that all I wanted was acknowledgment and/or appreciation—without having to ask for it.

“Good job;” “congratulations, hell of a deal;” “good to see you back, we missed you.”

I was one of the top producers in his office, but the only time he said anything was when I brought whatever to his attention.

As most anyone will tell you, positive feedback or compliments are worthless when you need to prompt the source for them.

Often small efforts yield large results. My boss wanted me to move to the next level, but gave me no reason to put out the effort—the money wasn’t enough, I wanted to matter.

I recently told this story to a manager with high turnover in his department. He responded that he didn’t have time to “babysit” and expected his people to act like adults.

I told him he was a fool.

Stock.xchng image credit: arte_ram

There are many recommended behaviors that most of us follow, but to which we give little thought. They are accepted as common wisdom, but are they? Today’s links are to articles that question that “common wisdom,” but before you dump them give thought to whether you should and how you would implement the changes.

Politeness is something we are raised with; even in these days of total candor people often tend to wrap criticism and other critical communication in a blanket of politeness—but is that good?

Politeness can become problematic, however, when it causes us to sacrifice clarity. … Even worse, say the authors, it takes more of our cognitive resources to process these kinds of polite statements.

Along the same lines, but far blunter, is this advice that says you should criticize in public, across the whole company, to avoid repetition by others and to ‘toughen’ your employees. My own reaction is that very few companies have the culture or managers the skill to do this effectively.

“When somebody does something wrong, you correct him or her individually and then one person learns that lesson. Or you can send an email to the whole company and the whole company learns that lesson. …to survive in that environment, you have to develop a soft shell but a very hard core. You have to be able to take those hits…If you make it through, you’re unbelievably strong.”

More contrary advice comes from research into envy, showing that it actually has positive effects, with one negative that is very new. (I wrote about ego depletion here.)

They were apparently victims of what psychologists call “ego depletion,” a state of mental fatigue originally documented in people whose energy was depleted by performing acts of self-control. Now it looks as if envy depletes that same resource.

Finally, a note about the importance of showers in creative thinking and why you need to create spaces in your day for the “creative pause” that a shower represents.

There’s something about showering that tends to spawn new ideas which may not occur otherwise. …a model for the “creative pause” — the shift from being fully engaged in a creative activity to being passively engaged, or the shift to being disengaged altogether.

Enjoy!

Flickr image credit: pedroelcarvalho

Today’s post is very short because it requires you to read two others.

First is Dan McCarthy’s wondering if common sense is a learnable skill and offering his own eight steps that might (or might not) help. The first step is a doozy.

Admit you have a problem.

As Dan points out it is probably the hardest step of all.

Reading that post reminded me of a post I did based on an article I read ten years ago about research on incompetence.

“Most incompetent people do not know that they are incompetent. … One reason that the ignorant also tend to be the blissfully self-assured, the researchers believe, is that the skills required for competence often are the same skills necessary to recognize competence.”

Admitting you may be incompetent is far worse than admitting a lack of common sense and so even less likely to happen.

Which is why you need feedback from a variety of sources; the larger the variety the more accurate the picture.

Of course, then you need to listen to it.

Image credit: Karl Horton on flickr

There is a major disconnect for many managers between what they think others do, what they say they do and what actually happens. It is a disconnect that affects not just their own teams, but spreads like ripples in a pond when a stone is tossed.

Most managers are unaware of it and are horrified when it’s brought to their attention—once they stop trying to rationalize it.

‘It’ refers to deeds and actions they condemn in others, but practice themselves.

It the idea that when ‘they’ do it it is unfair, immoral, or illegal, but if ‘we’ do it it’s OK—and it’s happening everywhere.

We see it in

• political and religious leaders who preach high moral codes while practicing immorality;
• parents who demand better education and then condemn any teacher that doesn’t give their child a good grade;
• business leaders who preach ethics and practice them only as long as it’s convenient;
• colleagues we condemn for filching company supplies even as we use company time to shop, update Facebook and Twitter; and
• friends who, much to our dismay, share our private information even as we share someone else’s.

When managers do it it can damage, even destroy, the team, because it is a form of hypocrisy; hypocrisy kills trust and without trust there is no team.

A vicious circle that only the manager can break by listening carefully to the feedback she doesn’t want to hear.

Image credit: ravasolix on sxc.hu

See all mY generation posts here.

The dreaded annual review is on us once again, so I rounded up some great information to help you deal with them.

The second most important thing to know about performance reviews is that using software to write them creates a totally inauthentic experience for your people.

Number one-and-a-half is a great commentary on the stupidity of waiting to apply a retention tourniquet until an employee is frustrated, disgusted and ready to leave.

The most important thing to know about performance reviews is that they should be ongoing conversations throughout the year.

Most managers understand the need to help their people grow and do their best to give them timely feedback—although some do a better job than others. But even the managers who are good at it have trouble when it comes to providing feedback to their top performers, even though they are often the most eager for challenges and growth—neither of which can happen without candid feedback.

Image credit:  MykReeve on flickr

Recently Dan McCarthy wrote 10 Ways to Get the Most from a 360 Degree Leadership Assessment and it’s really good stuff.

But the thoughts and actions that Dan recommends could just as easily be called ’10 ways to get the most from any feedback you receive.”

And I do mean any—feedback from bosses, peers and subordinates, of course, but also from spouses/partners, kids, close and extended family, friends, acquaintances and even strangers with whom you interact.

I recently told a client this and she was surprised. She said that most were logical and she sort of understood including acquaintances, but strangers made no sense to her.

So I explained.

Most people, most of the time, have the most positive interactions with those with whom we are close; in other words, we’re on our best behavior.

Sure, we may disagree, yell, fight, say unpleasant things on occasion, but, by and large, people are on their best behavior the closer the relationship.

That’s why many managers check to see how candidates treat the receptionist when they come in for interviews. I know of many times that managers rejected a strong candidate because of admin feedback. The feeling is that if they are rude to the admin they won’t play well on the team.

Strangers don’t think about giving feedback, but you do get reactions. It may only be a look that is gone in a flash, but that doesn’t lessen its value as feedback.

That means you need to stay aware of the reactions of the people around you, but that isn’t likely to happen when you’re intently focused or upset, which is when you’ll get the most feedback—often negative.

But what you don’t notice the people you hang with will, so ask them for feedback. Ask widely, ask often, listen well and then apply Dan’s 10 points, tweaked as needed for the situation.

Image credit: Rocket-Sputter on flickr

Yesterday was Phil Gerbyshak’s last day writing Slacker Manager and the last day of Bizzia, the b5 business portal, (he’ll continue writing at The Management Expert), but his choice of topics is an important one.

The Secret to Firing Someone talks about being human and accepting that the response will also be human—and likely emotional.

But it shouldn’t be, not if you have really done your job as their manager.

Because if you’ve done that they would have been getting feedback all along; feedback that told them there were performance or attitude issues that needed to change; discussions of what needed to happen and how to do it.

This is your responsibility as a manager, leader, parent, whatever; it is up to you to give feedback constantly—not just on a certain date or because it’s convenient—never forgetting that good feedback should be public, whereas criticism is only given in private and always in a constructive manner, because no matter what is going on, no matter the problem, nothing positive will happen without honest feedback.

Yes, sometimes it is necessary to fire someone, but it should never come as a surprise to that person.

Image credit: daniel.julia on flickr

Yesterday marked my 1000th post here at MAPping Company Success—a milestone in the blogging world.

That milestone reminded me of an email I received asking me how I stayed motivated when I rarely receive comments.

It’s a valid question and one I ask myself occasionally, but I keep writing because I know from feedback I have gotten that there are people out there who find it useful.

They may not have time or desire to add/agree/argue with what I write, but if it occasionally helps solve a problem or overcome a challenge then the blog is doing what it’s meant to do.

I’m not good at playing the blogging game (I’ll comment on yours and you’ll comment on mine) primarily because I’m not really writing for others in my industry, although I know that some read me, just as I read them. And I’m not great at using the trendy words that Google loves, although I’m working on that.

My work and writing has always been geared to line managers at all levels who set and interpret culture and work daily to hire, motivate, and retain their people.

A good deal of what I write revolves around MAP (mindset, attitude, philosophy™), because all the great information available to you through blogs, books and seminars is unusable if it isn’t synergistic with your MAP.

In celebration of this milestone I’d like to reiterate an offer I made today to a new subscriber and that I’ve made before—feel free to suggest a specific subject you would like me to write about or a question you would like discussed.

You can leave a comment, email me or if you like to talk, call me at 866.265.7267.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Image credit: Theresa Thompson on flickr