Eighty percent of respondents who reported a good employee-supervisor relationship claim that the most important thing a boss can do to create a positive working relationship is to both solicit and value their input.
Among respondents who claimed to have a poor relationship with their boss, 42 percent stated that one of the top reasons the relationship was strained was due to their boss’ failure to listen or take their input into account.
Of the managers surveyed, less than 25 percent identified soliciting input as an area in which they wanted to improve.
What many bosses don’t get is that this desire isn’t a demand driven by ego, entitlement or insecurity.
It is simply a display of intellectual self-worth on the part of employees and what they are looking for is an affirmation of the boss’ trust, belief and reason for hiring them.
I got it, maybe because I felt the same way, and focusing on that desire put me in the top 10% of MRI recruiters for 12 years.
Think about it; if the people on your team aren’t capable enough to comment intelligently and offer viable input why in the world did you hire them?
Longtime readers are familiar with my thoughts (rants?) on the prevalence of the entitled mentality in Millennials and its spread to other generations, including the older ones that should know better by now. (If you missed them search “entitled.”)
The best and possibly only cure for this mentality is to start your own business. You quickly realize that the world doesn’t guarantee you a desk, computer, bad coffee, and a base salary. As an entrepreneur, you don’t start with a golden egg, you go and create it. It’s hard to feel entitled when you don’t have anything.
If the entitled mindset really does change as a result of the Great Recession it might be enough to consider it a silver lining, albeit a sheer one.
Yesterday was my birthday and it was lovely. I did nothing useful or productive all day, just enjoyed puttering and reading, and then was taken to dinner. As I said, lovely; and I sure wasn’t going to spoil the day with a patch of creative writing.
But a hilarious post at Wally Bock’s Three Star Leadership about Big Ed Whiteacre’s magic mirror reminded me of something I wrote last year that compliments it perfectly.
Be sure to read Wally’s post; I’ve included mine below.
“The higher you go in an organization, the more those around you are going to tell you that you are right. The higher reaches of organizations–which includes government, too, in case you slept through the past eight years–are largely absent of critical thought. … There is also evidence, including some wonderful studies by business school professor Don Hambrick at Penn State, that shows the corroding effects of ego. Leaders filled with hubris are more likely to overpay for acquisitions and engage in other risky strategies. Leaders ought to cultivate humility.” He ends by advising not to hold your breath waiting for this to change.”
I think much of Dan’s advice is good, but I won’t hold my breath waiting for the advice to be taken.
I think that power corrupts those susceptible to it, not all those who have it; there are enough examples of powerful people who didn’t succumb to keep me convinced.
Changing MAP and stopping drinking are similar, since the individual has to choose to change. All the horses and all the men can’t convince the king to change—that only happens from the inside out.
Moreover, as I’ve frequently said, MAP is sneaky; it will pretend to change and then revert to its normal pattern when no one’s looking.
We, the people, can’t force them to change, but we can learn to sustain our attention span and keep looking.
Image credit: Svadilfari on flickr and Jim Frazier on flickr
Several years ago I read an article discussing what Gen Y wanted in their workplace. I found it somewhat amusing since the “unique” traits they wanted from work and management weren’t very original; I found the same thing earlier this year and they are the same traits I’ve heard from candidates for better than 30 years—long before Gen Y was thought of, let alone born.
While the capable of us have taken on the roles of Gen Xers and Boomers, we’ve likely done it without a raise, or at best, a minimal one. Put simply, this infuriates us. Gen Y was given constant positive reinforcement. We had piggy banks full of allowance earned just for making our bed or cleaning our own room. The worst player on the team was awarded a “Most Improved” trophy. When the economy changes for the better, we expect to be compensated, handsomely, for our efforts. Or we’ll leave.
How’s that for a sense of entitlement?
I know comments such as this are like waving a red flag in front of a bull, so I sent the link to Jim Gordon.
Jim graduated last June and is in his first job; he draws the Sunday comic mY generation and I often bounce stuff off him to be sure I’m not wildly out in left field.
After thinking it over for a few days, here is Jim’s response.
Alright, after picking through that article, I find it easy to sympathize with the author.
It’s very difficult for me to have any semblance of trust in my employer when I, and everyone around me, is being contracted.
It’s not that turnover is high either, but instead I have this air of uncertainty every day when I walk into work – will today be my last? Every month or two, I have a new neighbor, though my position has a bit more staying power.
I find it very hard to say I “deserve” something, though.
I feel the author of the article insinuates that he/she deserves much better. While I agree that often the scale from which our pay is currently derived is, well, off to say the least, I don’t think somehow the definition of “fair play” reflects the same way on society today.
I don’t mean to sound like an underachiever, but really the way one views the economic crisis depends upon how that person was raised.
I don’t agonize over short-term losses (4-5 years), but instead plan for the long-term (10-15). Build thick skin, know what it’s like to lose, accept denial, appreciate acceptance, and move on in a self-centered direction.
Vanity is one attribute I will defend, which is seen as a flaw of Gen Y. Assuming we learn from our mistakes, we know what it is like for a market to polarize. Why? That’s ALL some of us know.
We were living the life in the 1990’s, but “not much compares to a recession like this.” That last bit was quoted from, well, everyone. People who have experienced deep recessions say this, people who haven’t—everyone goes back to the point that this is really one of the worst recessions on record.
You know what, though? I’m going to survive it and use it as a tool to build a road to where I want to be. I’m not going to expect 5-star treatment afterward.
I may find another job, but that’s because, like many who have done so before, I want to find something that adds more value to me and my life.
That means I wasn’t taught that the world is an oyster—I was taught that life is tough, and (to quote The Rolling Stones) you can’t always get what you want…
Read the final paragraph in the Talentbrew post to learn what it will take to hire Gen Y in the future.
The only cosmic justice I see here comes from knowing that it is Gen Y’s parents who will be hiring and managing the attitude they raised.
Hovering parents, who strive to make everything right for their child, are the global bane of education.
But it doesn’t seem to end when their child graduates.
I receive at least a call a month from managers who have no idea of a polite way to deal with what can only be called workplace hovering.
In every case the parental call was either to
tell the manager how stupid she was not to hire their kid;
find out why their kid’s review wasn’t stuffed with glowing references; or
ask who the hell the manager thought he was to promote someone else.
Managers say that in many cases the parent was screaming and the language used to describe the manager is best not quotable in a business blog.
What in the world is going on?
Many of the parents calling are managers in their own right; I wonder how they handle similar calls.
I could write another 500 words on the subject and not do nearly as good a job putting the point across as does the following (in spite of it being a hoax)—perhaps a modified version could be designed for companies.
Manhattan, home of Wall Street, financial sorcery, hyper-competitiveness—and tutoring for 3 and 4-year-olds.
This story is one of the saddest I’ve read lately.
That is an age when a child should spend time being a child, exploring their world, running around, creating imaginary worlds, friends, situations and enjoying unconditional love.
Instead, they are learning that to please mommy and daddy they have to get a certain teat result and get into a certain school.
…3- and 4-year-olds whose parents hope that a little assistance — costing upward of $1,000 for several sessions — will help them win coveted spots in the city’s gifted and talented public kindergarten classes.
Granted, I didn’t read all 166 comments, but 98% of the ones I did read were negative on tutoring. Many of them reacted as I did—let kids be kids.
But many parents see their kids as a reflection or symbol of their own success; that means pressure to excel—even at that age.
Of course, those who do get in will be labeled “high potential” and “leadership material,” which is ridiculous at that age. And so we destroy potential in the rest.
Life is so short and childhood is even shorter. There is plenty of time to compete, set goals, worry whether you are achieving enough vs. what others are doing. Time to find out that love can be conditional on accomplishing your parent’s expectations.
Two articles caught my eye this week, both on a very positive note.
Education
The first is an overview discussing what Arne Duncan, the new education secretary, did in Chicago and wants to do nationally. It’s not perfect, but it’s a lot more than we’ve seen in years. Not only that, but the price tag per school isn’t that outrageous considering what I’ve seen previously and he doesn’t seem to expect states to pull the funding out of thin air as NCLB did.
It won’t be a silver bullet (what is), but maybe we’re finally moving (glacially) in a positive direction.
Parenting
The second article is even more encouraging, since it looks at parents—who are at the heart of this mess.
But I see this new fad as a move in the right direction. It’s about letting kids play, doing less and (maybe) realizing that your kids are not the center of the universe or even your primary purpose in life.
How’s that for revolutionary?
Can you imagine? Instead of having every minute of every week packed with scheduled functions, parents would expend some of that energy making sure that their kids used the free time to run around, play using their imaginations, read, think and dream, as opposed to texting, keyboarding or watching TV.
They could use some of the extra time and energy that went into keeping their offspring on schedule to staying involved with their spouse and some more on feeding their own soul.
They might even have enough energy to learn to say ‘no’ and stop indulging their kids to the point of entitlement.
Sounds like a trip to Fantasy Island, but who knows, it might be part of the recession’s silver lining.
Not long ago a friend was at a high school basketball game; the home team, from a wealthy community, was losing to the visiting inner city team. My friend was horrified to hear the home team students start chanting “We don’t care, we won’t fuss, someday you will work for us!”
He was even more aghast when he realized that many of the parents were joining in.
Empathy is especially important for those kids from wealthy areas whose parents often have (hopefully) unconscious, elitist MAP.
But it’s hard to empathize with things you’ve never experienced.
Neither adults nor kids can understand hunger if they’ve always been able to eat when they feel like it.
It’s not just feeling hungry, cold, wet, etc. that creates empathy; it’s enduring them beyond where it’s comfortable that allows people to get some idea of what millions face every day.
Few adults like venturing outside their comfort zone and kids like it even less, but learning empathy requires discomfort. Go ahead, you’ll survive—I promise.
Please take a few minutes to read the article and think about your own level of empathy and the levels of those around you—at home, at work and elsewhere.
Then think about what you can do to increase empathy in your little corner of the world. Perhaps then we can replace one e-word, entitlement with another, empathy.
If everybody does that the whole world really will change.
Considering the news with which we’re being inundated this seemed like a god time to offer up something a bit more positive.
Not sugar and syrup that you wouldn’t believe anyway, but the kind of one liners that are worth printing out and sticking on the monitor and taping to the bathroom mirror.
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and it looks like work.” –Thomas Edison (Entitlement has more letters.)
“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” –Mark Twain (If they don’t encourage you to climb they won’t offer a hand if you trip and fall.)
“Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time; for that’s the stuff life is made of.” –Benjamin Franklin (Facebook, YouTube, Twitter…)
“Live as if you are to die tomorrow. Learn as if you are to live forever.” –Gandhi (Teach this to your kids and tattoo it on your frontal lobe—it’s the best advice you’ll ever get!)
Perhaps ‘As you sow, so shall you reap’ should be rewritten, ‘As you parent, so shall you hire.’
The generations that parented the Millennials are reaping the results of confusing self-esteem with entitlement.
The kids who sang ‘I am special / I am special / Look at me / Look at me… (set to the tune of Frère Jacques) in nursery school are still thinking that way in as they move through college and into the workforce.
Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University, narcissism researcher and author of Generation Me: Why Today’s Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled — and More Miserable than Ever Before, thinks that parents should stop “meaningless, baseless praise,” which starts even before nursery school.
Instead of mindless compliments why not take the time to teach them that all actions have consequences (AKA cause and effect)—even doing nothing.
Praise what they accomplish and instill in them an appreciation of the real value found in the words, actions, deeds, and contributions, both large and small, that they make in the world.
If your kids are young start by not only eliminating empty praise from your home, but also teaching them how to recognize it and why they should discount it.
With older kids—teens, twenties, thirties—help them wrap their minds around the idea that life doesn’t offer entitlements to anyone and share with them the real facts of life.
They are special to
you, because you are their parent, and to others who also love them;
themselves because “self” is the only person they will ever truly know or actually have the ability to change.
They are not special to others, except as the result of their words, actions and deeds.
Being special to you and to themselves does not entitle them to special treatment from their teachers, friends, bosses, colleagues, the guy complaining about their loud cell phone conversation at Starbucks or the cop who tickets them for speeding.
Special isn’t related to self-esteem—self-esteem is grounded in and built from their own efforts and accomplishments.
Self-esteem entitles them to nothing, but provides the strength to not only survive, but thrive, now and in the future.
They may not appreciate your efforts now, but they will be forever grateful as they make their way though the world as adults.
Entrepreneurs face difficulties that are hard for most people to imagine, let alone understand. You can find anonymous help and connections that do understand at 7 cups of tea.
Crises never end.
$10 really does make a difference and you’ll never miss it,
Does promotion cause deafness? Is that why it’s so difficult for bosses to hear?
Several years ago I read an article discussing what Gen Y wanted in their workplace. I found it somewhat amusing since the “unique” 
Manhattan, home of Wall Street, financial sorcery, hyper-competitiveness—and tutoring for 3 and 4-year-olds.
Two articles caught my eye this week, both on a very positive note.
But it’s hard to empathize with things you’ve never experienced.
thinks that parents should stop “meaningless, baseless praise,” which starts even before nursery school.
Instead of mindless compliments why not take the time to teach them that all 
and in the future.
