Back in 2015 I wrote about the importance of living your own life, instead of trying to live someone else’s as seen on Instagram. Last month we considered the idea that it is our values that are the basis of true authenticity and yesterday the lesson was that mea culpa was valueless if it wasn’t sincere, AKA, authentic.

Given all that, what do you do when you

1. know you messed up; and
2. are incapable of admitting it?

Gurus of whatever type love to apply the 80/20 rule to situations like this, meaning that once you know/understand the problem (80%) then applying a solution is relatively easy (20%), so just do it.

Which, based on all I’ve seen and my own personal experience, is bunk.

If there’s anything I’ve learned in my life it’s that one size or solution does not fit all.

What do you do when you know you should take responsibility and just can’t make yourself do it?

Let’s start with what you don’t do.

You don’t

• shift the blame (responsibility) to another person or the group;
• pretend it didn’t happen; or
• act oblivious.

Doing the first will turn your people against you; either of the others will make you look like an idiot — and turn people against you.

So what do you do?

Discuss the problem/situation openly, tacitly admitting the source by not specifying it and encouraging the team to provide solutions, as opposed to you.

Your people aren’t stupid or you wouldn’t have hired them.

They’ll understand your actions giving you time to change your MAP, so you can admit it openly the next time — because there will always be a next time.

Image credit: Bill Ohl

Do you recall your first kiss? I remember mine vividly. It was scary, exciting and full of passion after we figured out where the lips go.

Why do I bring this up? I bring it up because this is a memory most of us have in common and it can serve as a guidepost for our discussion.

It is week two of the new year and I’ll be honest, the passion is not there.  New beginnings and all that are old hat and it’s back to the daily grind. That sounds depressing as I read that last sentence, so what should I do?

Have you found yourself doing the required tasks but waiting as if something else should be happening, not truly living your life?

I have and I probably will again at some point in the future. I find that it can be easy to slip into complacency and forget what got me here in the first place.

However, I do have thoughts on how to dig yourself out of the doldrums and get back to living!

I’m in sales and as such it’s a roller coaster of emotions on an easy day. To cap that off I am in enterprise sales, so I do not see the fruits of my labor for some time. It can be tough and daunting and I must remind myself daily of my goals.

One way I maintain an even keel is by practicing being grateful for what I have. Remembering that work is not all there is. Keeping in contact with those that love me.

These all sound basic and maybe they are, but we let them slip away too easily.

We don’t remember to be grateful for the blessings and challenges put in our path.

We give up too easily.

We blame others for our misfortune.

These all lead to a life less lived.

As you wake up tomorrow take a moment to remind yourself of how you got to where you are and where you want to be. Push yourself; be uncomfortable.

These all lead to a better self.

Image credit: Per

“In many ways, it’s not my generation’s fault that Japan has so much debt,” he said. “But blaming others won’t get us anywhere. We just need to find a way forward. It’s the responsibility of all of us born into this age.” –31 year old Naomichi Suzuki, the youngest mayor of the country’s most rapidly aging city.

You could do much worse than incorporate Naomichi Suzuki’s attitude into your company culture, life and as an integral part of your MAP.

Organizations and individuals spend inordinate amounts of time and energy assigning blame and indulging in recriminations.

At times it seems they want apologies more than solutions.

Look not just around you, but also in the mirror, and you’ll find at least one such active situation (say thanks if it’s only one).

Assigning fault is necessary in certain circumstances, usually when specific legal and societal laws are broken by specific, identifiable individuals.

Assigning responsibility is most productive when used as a learning experience, again for specific, identifiable individuals.

Solutions that move the situation forward are where time, energy and resources should be focused, but for some it’s more about them than solving the problem.

“Supporters of the defeated Ms. Iijima [the losing candidate] dominate the city council, blocking proposals and hurling criticism at the young mayor.”

The question all individuals must answer for themselves is what’s most important,

• my way or
• solving/moving forward.

Flickr image credit: Patrizio Cuscito

John Warrillow, at BNET, writes that the best question for weeding out victim mentality is “Tell me about the last time you made a mistake.”

He says that if the person accepts full accountability and doesn’t try to excuse or blame anyone else he almost always hires them.

While I agree it’s a great question and that the response tells you a lot about the candidate, I disagree that taking full responsibility necessarily makes a good hire.

There is a substantial difference between making excuses and a situation that leaves the person with no choice but to make the mistake.

There are too many managers who set their people up to fail, whether unintentionally or not. (Yes, there are mangers who do it intentionally.)
There is a difference between stating why the mistake was made and describing what could/should have been done differently and playing victim.

I advise creating a different dialog.

Manager: Tell me how [whatever].

Candidate responds.

Manager: Is that how you would have done it if you were in charge?

Candidate responds yes or no.

Manager: Why?

Asking why gets you to what you really want to know, which is how the candidate thinks.

How the person thinks is the crux, whether the candidate is a senior exec, admin or somewhere in-between.

And while it’s a good question to add to your interview repertoire I don’t think it’s strong enough to stand on it’s own as a ‘make or break’.

While discovering if the person has a victim mentality is useful, what is the advantage of hiring someone willing to take responsibility for a mistake that really isn’t theirs?

You need to know more; extenuating circumstances that at first may sound like an excuse can turn out to be plain facts.

Explore why the mistake happened, if and how it was rectified and what could have been done to prevent it.

In short, take time to dig deeper into any response that brings up a red flag, but do it with an open mind.

Image credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/wadem/2808468566/

I write a lot about the importance of communications, written and verbal. Last summer I wrote about the difference just one letter can make to the meaning.

Rarely do I see typos in business headlines, so when a bulletin from Market Watch hit my email I was really surprised. Here it is.

My point? No matter how vigilant you are errors can happen. The important thing is to handle it with care and avoid the blame game. I’ll bet those responsible for proofing Market Watch bulletins were embarrassed enough without anybody saying a word.

How would you handle this situation?