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How good are you at this necessity of life?

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Do you take time to think and reflect or do you stay so connected and engaged that you end up listening to someone else and forming your opinions from their thoughts instead putting in the hard work to think for yourself?

Do you enjoy quiet time or do you find silence scary or even depressing?

Anecdotal evidence shows that while most people are uncomfortable with silence, others are actually terrified by it. Not the silence of a sensory deprivation tank, just natural silence; the silence that come from turning off and unplugging from our wired world. No iPod, cell phone, TV, radio, etc.

But it’s only in silence that

• your mind can wander unfocused down paths you would never think of intentionally;
• unconnected scraps can coalesce to form new ideas;
• you can dig around and learn what actually comprises your MAP (mindset, attitude, philosophy)™;
• really get to know yourself; and hopefully
• become best friends with yourself.

I wonder if it was silence that fostered the great thinkers and philosophers of the past as opposed to what passes for wisdom these days. Perhaps the natural silence led to self-knowledge and knowing gave them the ability to formulate their great ideas.

Did the enforced silence of prison nurture Nelson Mandela’s ability to conceive his vision and eventually articulate it to the world?

No matter your age, try it. Unplug and get comfortable—with silence and with yourself.

Make silence your friend and watch your (and your people’s) happiness, satisfaction and creativity soar.

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Nii Dowuona started as a programmer, became project manager, then added engineering manager to his workload, picked up an MBA at night and is now VP of Development—all at the same company.

He recently shared four tips that he has worked to instill in his company’s culture.

Avoid giving unsolicited advice.
Always ask for permission first, and don’t be insulted if you’re refused. Reacting calmly will leave the door open for future conversations.

However, remember that people can’t/won’t solicit what they don’t know they need. It’s true that advice can be obnoxious, but suggestions can be offered differently or the advice can be phrased as a question that opens the subject up to discussion. The big problem is often not the offering, but the pushing. ‘I explained so nicely why you are wrong, but you still won’t do it my way.’ is what often is being passed off as advice.

Avoid “guilt trips.”
Never try to make your listener feel guilty. Few adults respond well to such tactics. Instead, straightforwardly ask the person for what you need, explaining the possible outcome of inaction.

This is so true and the same goes for hinting and expecting the other person to not only pick up on the hint, but also to interpret it accurately. Plus, it’s a boomerang whammy, because people who hint often become angry or disconsolate when the hint is missed/ignored or misunderstood.

Avoid offering hollow reassurances.
Don’t attempt to gloss over problems or try to hide the downside of what you’re proposing. Openly acknowledging the facts is the key to positive communication.

Glossing assumes the other party is too dumb to figure the downside out and comes over as insulting, contemptuous and condescending to the other person.

Avoid pressuring a person to change.
Allow team members to hold their own opinions and positions. Arguing won’t change those opinions anyway.

Pressure not only won’t change anything, it often makes the people dig in their heels; at the least, it eliminates any viable conversation on that subject and may cause the recipient to shut down to anything you say in the future.

Granted, none of these are rocket science, but stop and think about how often you do one or another.

What other acts do you work to avoid?

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Saturday we looked at some incongruous actions and compensation of various CEOs and it reminded me of something I read a year or so ago, so I went looking and found it. Amazing!

I realize that housing is a touchy subject these days, but over the last few decade as houses got bigger and bigger I found it weirder and weirder.

There’s no way to ever convince me that any family or person, really needs a seven thousand-plus square foot house in order to live comfortably—let alone 10,000 and up.

The item I remembered article was  an UpFront blurb in Business Week that I found hilarious.

The research was done by Finance professors David Yermack of New York University and Crocker Liu of Arizona State University and their conclusions casts housing excess in a new light.

The bigger or pricier the house…the greater the risk of lackluster shares.

If [the CEO] buys a big mansion, sell the stock. Many of these guys have been super performers, but at some point that stops, and they reap the benefits.

Seems reasonable to me.

Remember the old saying? Something about boys and the price of their toys.

Seems like the toys’ values are going up, while the boys’ values (and value) are decreasing. (Note: As used here, “boys” is genderless.)

I doubt that the current housing market has changed that particular mindset.

So the next time you go to invest, be sure to plug in the size of the CEOs home when evaluating a company and, thinking about it, the same probably applies to the entire C suite.

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Seems that every day thre’s another news item about a boss who has gone astray in some way.

The bosses who got us into our current economic mess over the last few decades did so because of their MAP (mindset, attitude, philosophy™).

MAP that kept telling them that they were so brilliant that they knew best; the majority of people bought into that vision—until the house of cards crashed and burned.

But as a wise man said, you can learn from everyone.

When I was growing up I had an aunt with whom I didn’t see eye to eye, to say the least. Yet, it was because of this aunt that I learned something that became a cornerstone of my MAP.

My aunt had a glass topped dressing table and, like many women of that era, she would place inspirational clippings and notes under the glass. That’s where I first saw

Profit from the mistakes of others—you don’t have time to make them all yourself.

As much sense as it makes, even back then, it’s been one of the hardest for me to follow. I seem to profit well from small and medium mistakes, but have an unhappy tendency to make the really large ones myself.

The same can be said for many of our business, financial and political ‘leaders’—not to mention ourselves.

This isn’t the first economic crisis brought about in the name of profit and maximizing shareholder investment, just the worst in a long time.

As I read the news a line from the sixties hit “Where have all the flowers gone…” keeps repeating in my mind—“when will they ever learn, when will they ever learn?”

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I think the greatest compliment anyone can receive is to have something they say be deemed ‘wise’ by those around them. It has happened to me a few times and, to be honest, blew me away.

So I went looking for quotes about wisdom and found so many good ones that I’ll post the rest next week.

The thing about wisdom is that it transcends street smarts and learning. As Sandra Carey says, “Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life.”

Wisdom, like charity, begins at home; Gian Carlo Menotti put it this way, “A man only becomes wise when he begins to calculate the approximate depth of his ignorance.”

Anon clarifies that advice and takes it a step further, “Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.”

Plato said, “Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.” Maybe that explains all those talking heads and sound bites that pass for wisdom these days.

Once you achieve even a modicum of wisdom you can’t count on it being permanent. Kahlil Gibran understood that when he said, “Wisdom ceases to be wisdom when it becomes too proud to weep, too grave to laugh, and too selfish to seek other than itself.”

But, as usual, at least for me, it’s Lao Tzu who really hits the nail on wisdom’s head, “Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is enlightenment.” Sadly, it seems that the higher you go the fewer people take the time for enlightenment.

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See all mY generation posts here.

Yesterday was Bosses Day and in honor of that I’m going to share some information on bosses—BIG bosses.

These days’ people are incensed with executive pay packages on and off Wall Street.

For years there has been much talk about pay for performance, but I haven’t seen any strong connection—have you?

And certainly not this year.

But the recession doesn’t seem to have slowed down CEO compensation at all and I’m not even referring to Wall Street.

You’ve probably never even heard of the 5 most highly compensated CEOs, unless you are unfortunate enough to own the stock or work or been laid off from the companies. The 5 are Eugene Isenberg, chief of Nabors Industries, Michael Jeffries of Abercrombie & Fitch, Brian Roberts  of Comcast, John Faraci of International Paper and James Stewart of BJ Services. Ugh.

By now you all know that those poor mistreated boys and girls at what used to be Merrill Lynch are getting their bonuses, perhaps if they get over their embarrassment they will start spending and give the economy a real boost.

And then there’s Ken Lewis, the beloved CEO of B of A—the bank we love to hate.

You probably read that Kenny is “stepping down” and has agreed (under duress) to forego his 2009 salary and bonus and repay a whole million dollars. In case you were actually impressed with this, please note that he will walk away with a $53 million pension plan.

That’s on top of everything he’s made (I refuse to say earned) previously.

The NY Times had an interesting article that explains that Lewis isn’t incompetent, he just can’t lead. But from where I sit by the time anyone makes it to the corner office of a corporation the size of Bank of America should be able to do it all.

A few months ago CEO magazine published Why Smart Chief Executives Make Dumb Decisions; perhaps they should a copy to all the CEOs mentioned in the articles to which I’ve linked.

It probably wouldn’t help, those guys are so smart they don’t need any outside input that doesn’t agree what they think—just ask them.

In closing today, be sure to read Phil Gerbyshak’s description of the boss anyone would kill to have at Slacker Manager.

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I do love culture, not pop culture, but the cultures that arise in companies, whether intentionally or not.

Last month I read an article on corporate culture with some surprising comments from John Chambers, Cisco CEO and Larry Ellison, CEO of Oracle.

There have been many articles over the years about France’s 35 hour work week and the power of its unions. But all is not roses in the land of wine and baguettes. Read the real story of unhappy employees and a sky high suicide rate and you just may have something else to be thankful for next month.

Finally, follow through with these 4 actions described by Steve Roesler and I’ll guarantee you’ll change the culture of your group, boos productivity and have a much happier team. Just 4 things to wrap your MAP around; now that doesn’t seem too much to ask, does it?

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