Valid offer or charity?
by Miki Saxon
Do you consider an offer of help charity?
Here’s the background for my question.
Yes, I earn my living as a coach. But on both of the blogs I write I have a standing offer to my readers for free coaching assistance. Not only has no one taken advantage of me, no one has taken advantage of the offer.
I often help to friends and associates when they hit a snag and my expertise can ease the problem. Again, none have taken advantage of me.
I can afford to do this because what’s often a challenge to one person is easy to another with that particular expertise, so it’s not like I’m offering up the next X years of my life.
That’s the background, here’s what happened.
A guy, call him Jim, and I are volunteers for the same professional organization and have gotten to know each other over the last few years. Jim is CEO of a small, privately-owned company.
To make this short, we were talking on the phone and Jim mentioned that he had to replace a person on his staff and it was critical to make the right choice.
So I offered him some coaching, he said “great,” and I said that I’d send some written material that I used in my practice and then we cold talk.
When I didn’t hear back in a couple of days, I resent the files thinking that they hadn’t gone through (happens all the time).
Jim replied as follows,
“I will not waste / take your time without compensation. Perhaps calling it charity is a poor choice, but if I am not paying I will not waste / take your expertise.”
I wasn’t looking for compensation—of course, I wouldn’t have turned it down if it was offered, but in companies such as Jim’s I know that it can be a difficult sell to the owners—but it annoyed me no end that Jim made the decision based on his assumptions.
Didn’t ask/discuss/mention, just decided.
Do you agree with Jim’s actions? Am I annoyed for no reason?
Image credit: senjur CC license
September 4th, 2008 at 11:35 am
Hi Miki! I swear I’m not dead.
In our culture, you usually have to give something to get something. Or you do a friend a “favor” and the “favor” will be expected to be returned in kind. For most of my experiences, the “favor debt” is largely taken care of just by being in a friendship with someone; however, from time to time that “favor debt” is huge when you help with something…and there’s that “expectation” of having to “repay” it.
I’m hoping that makes sense. We all love free…when we can grab and run…but free when it’s connected to someone we have to talk to – might require us to pay for it later.
(Now that I’ve written that I want to change directions.)
Jim may have the fear that it’s “improper” to use your skills without directly compensating you for them…he’s afraid he’ll take advantage of you. Probably based on some previous experience and he doesn’t want to be “that guy”. I don’t know if I agree with Jim, but I don’t think I’d take it personally. Maybe it’s just a good chance to open up a dialog and both of you could alter your box a little.
September 5th, 2008 at 9:54 am
Hi Luke, glad to know you’re still alive and, I hope, kicking:)
Although I understand your reasoning, I can’t really agree with it.
• I don’t agree with making decisions based on MY assumption of how YOU think/feel/believe.
• “What goes around comes around” but not necessarily from the same person.
• Finally, I realize that many people keep their relationships weighed on a balance scale and see them on a IOU/UOMe basis, but anyone who knows me even casually knows that isn’t the case. So being treated as if it is is kind of insulting. Also very sad. Both of us were short-changed—Jim didn’t get the assistance and I didn’t have the fun of helping.