Don’t judge who you were and what you did in the past based on who you are and what you know now.

Everybody knows that hindsight’s 20/20, but that doesn’t stop people from laying a coulda//shoulda/woulda trip on themselves.

Each of us is composed of multiple, past “me’s,” each a different, stand-alone version from the current one.

When you look at past actions (Why did I…) you need to first ask yourself if you made the best decision/action possible based on the information you had at the time in conjunction with the person you were at that time.

If, in fact, you did, then the you you-are-now has no right to judge, i.e., beat up on, the previous you for that decision.

This doesn’t mean that you need to condone everything—today’s you may decide that in the future you should do more research or whatever—but it does preclude you from taking your former self to task.

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Thanksgiving is a time when we’re supposed to be thankful, but exactly what you give thanks for is a very private matter—I have one friend who gives thanks for her family, another who gives thanks that her family is far, far away.

So, no matter your age, when giving thanks be sure to include all the past you’s, whether you love ’em or hate ’em, since their very existence guarantees that there will be many more in the future as you grow.

Have a wonderful holiday and I’ll see you all on Monday.

In a post on November 13 Sarah Trammel refers to my post about selective hearing, her own trials with it, and wonders how to combat it. One of her readers adds that it’s not just in the workplace, but at home, also.

I agree; I’ve found that selective hearing, i.e., hearing what one wants to and not hearing the rest, is the prevalent condition of the typical human in some, if not all, of their interactions.

For ways to combat it, try using the approaches in Building awareness to change your MAP and The four-level process of change.

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On November 8 I wrote about how (to me) out of whack compensation seems to be these days. Yesterday I read A New Class War: The Haves vs. the Have Mores and learned that these giant comp packages are upsetting the merely rich. Boo hoo.

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On September 8 I discussed a hiring problem the CEO of a startup was having, the suggestion I made to solve it and said that I would let you know the outcome. I apologize for being slow to do so.

In short, the solution worked. He said that his VPs appreciated his openness in discussing it with them, they agreed with his reasoning for going above the normal compensation level, and the new VP is on staff and doing a fantastic job.

Continuing from the ideas in the previous post.

In over 25 years as a headhunter I didn’t hear the words “poor self-image” or “low self esteem”, but most people I spoke with craved a manager who would “value” and “appreciate” them; they were tired of being told how great they were, but never being included in a key project or getting a promotion. Only three times do I remember candidates actually saying at the outset of our conversation that they were working for an abusive manager, although many came to that realization as we talked about what they wanted to do and why they wanted to leave.

Valuing and appreciating isn’t about lip service and compliments, it’s about public recognition of things done well, private discussions of things not done well and how to improve them, and encouragement to grow.

It’s helping them to identify their skills and abilities, what they love and what they dislike and how to enhance the former and minimize the latter. It’s helping them understand that although the world around them might contribute, nobody has the right to define them but themselves.

If all this sounds like a lot of work remember that it’s a big part of why you get paid; and that there is nothing that you can do hands-on as a manager that will offset an underperforming group or high turnover.

Did you know that many people define themselves by how others see them? Or that the skills and abilities at which they are best—those that come most easily because there is a natural affinity—are often under-valued, whereas the ones that are marginal, or even poor, are valued more highly because they were extremely hard to acquire?

This is important information for managers looking to increase retention across their entire organization, not just their stars.

Knowing that your feedback—direct, indirect, subtle or not—will have an outsize effect should drive your awareness of what kind you’re really giving. As I keep telling managers, your people, on every level, are smart about feedback, just as kids are. They know when your words are empty; when your actions belie your words; and when you’re just plain lying.

As a manager, you have the opportunity to help all your people soar, or you can cripple them, often for life.

You need to recognize that your every word has an out-size effect; and that the higher your rank the greater the impact.

Look around you, think about running your organization without your stars and what would it cost to replace them; then think about keeping only them and what it would cost to replace everybody else.

Building all your people is in your job description; it’s what managers (should) do. 

Ran into a great quote while reading an article about a modest hedge fund manager (sounds like an oxymoron). The comment, about partners who became too impressed with their success, was made by John L. Weinberg, former senior partner at Goldman Sachs.

He said, “Some people grow and other people swell.”

Brilliant comment, and, unfortunately, too applicable to a growing number of bosses.

I don’t need to elaborate the point here, there have been dozens (hundreds?) of articles written about the growing ranks of celebrity CEOs, and other high profile business people, who have bought into their own press releases. Swollen bosses, from CEOs to small business owners to managers at almost every level, happen all the time.

The question I want to pose here is: Are you growing or swelling?

You see, it doesn’t matter if your entire organization believes that you’re swelling, if you

• see it as growth;
• believe that your management errors have evaporated in the face of your new-found confidence; or that
• your promotion makes you intrinsically better than your team

then you will continue on that path, continue swelling, until you finally pop.

Which probably wouldn’t matter that much, except that when bosses pop they take out a lot of innocent people (lots of recent examples, mostly in jail).

So, if you think there is even an infinitesimal chance that you’re swelling, open your mind and actually hear those around you; watch their body language when they’re interacting with you; and really listen to their silences, which are often more eloquent than their words.

If your mind is truly open you’ll know if your concern is real. If it is, do whatever it takes to get back to growing—because going pop is no fun at all.

Much of what’s written in this blog is about change; not just changing what is done and how it’s done, but changing MAP—the very essence of how and why you think and do.

Over the years I’ve been accused of making change seem simple; of minimizing what’s involved and the effort required.

So let me be very clear that I don’t minimize the difficulties, because I know first-hand how difficult it is to change. But I also know first-hand the rewards, both out-sized and small, that come from change.

Further, I know how much harder it is to do when the focus is on the difficulties instead of the methods, processes and benefits. If you want to increase the stress and obstacles of change exponentially, just keep focusing on how hard it is to change.

There is no quick fix. There is no instant gratification. It takes effort—but it’s worth it.

So take the first small step today, choose something in your MAP that you want to be different, visualize what you want it to be, lay out a plan to achieve it and start.

As Goethe said “What you can do or think you can, begin it—boldness has genius, power and magic in it.

It works. Go for it!

We are all prone to assumptions. Our assumptions are based on how we interpret the world combined with deep societal and environmental prejudices. Those assumptions are part of our MAP and can interfere with our work. (Yes, assumptions shape all of your world, but this blog deals specifically with the workplace.)

In short, assumptions can really mess up your ability to manage today’s diverse workforce; not the diversity of race and gender, but rather diversity in MAP.

Mental homogeny can lead to a downward spiral in the corporate world, killing the innovation that’s often sparked by disagreements and “sibling rivalries,” driving out creative minds and promoting boredom.

Mental homogeny is the bastion of lazy managers (it’s self-propagating, too, since managers frequently hire in their own image)—lazy, because it takes little talent and less effort to manage a homogenous group.

Hiring diversity takes courage, because it requires you to hire and manage people with whom you aren’t particularly comfortable.

Learning to do it well offers huge payoffs for both your company, through increased creativity, innovation, productivity, competitiveness, and a broader perspective; and yourself, in greater satisfaction, enhanced opportunities, and increased earning power.

Managing all diversity, mental and otherwise, requires MAP that encompasses either excessive amounts of tolerance and patience, or award-winning acting skills and a championship poker face.

My own MAP prefers the first option, but I’ve known managers who succeeded with the second—although it seemed to me that they had to work a lot harder to do it.

To learn more about how assumptions ruin communications read MAP the spin on your AMS (Assumption, Manipulation, Self-fulfilling prophesy).

Enjoy life, this is not a rehearsal.

That’s right, folks, this isn’t a practice session for the next act.

And if you’re not quite sure how to apply it check back to Rules 1 and 2

Have a wonderful weekend—and, depending where you are, stay dry, stay warm, have fun.

Morale is a funny thing—what lifts one person up can bring another low. So, what’s a manager to do?

Know your persons, not just your people!

Sure, you know your people as a group, and you know each person’s name and a little about them, but what you really need to know is their MAP.

Without, at the least, a general understanding of each person’s MAP it’s much harder to successfully communicate and motivate your people.

Since MAP is a combination of a person’s mindset, attitude and philosophy, it’s most easily understood through accurate observation. That means no assumptions and no filtering their MAP through your MAP.

The trick to learning about MAP is to learn to be a sponge, i.e., absorb all that’s happening—reaction, body language, facial expressions, comments, the subtle nuances—without evaluating, interpreting, adjusting, or any other subjective function.

Remember, the effort here is to learn about the MAP, not change, influence or judge it.

Start your learning by partitioning your mind so that a small segment acts as a camcorder, recording both audio and video as you move through your world. It runs on automatic, needs no adjustment, and has unlimited memory.

Often, you’ll learn subconsciously just by recording events and won’t need to watch every segment. Conscious watching is more often used to solve communication problems, resolve a specific situation, or as a super-fast way to integrate a new player into your group.

Conscious watching requires quiet time to absorb the information, so try using the period between going to bed and falling asleep to replay the “recordings.” Study them to absorb the various subtle reactions to different stimuli, but no judging. It’s the same process that happens from watching actors in different roles, you get to know the obvious, as well as the subtle, ways they communicate their thoughts and feelings—in other words, you learn to “read” them.

You learn your person’s MAP by objectively seeing both the stimuli and the reaction to it as a “third party,” as opposed to the subjective learning that happens when you are involved.

Practice this and soon you’ll know your persons as well as you know your people.

Pretty much everything about compensation today focuses on “pay for performance,” although sometimes it seems that the higher one goes in business the less connection between the two. Compensation in media is another arena that makes one wonder; as do celebrities and professional sports.

Even when the person compensated can be said to have done a superlative job, the numbers still boggle the mind.

But, jaded as I am, the projected annual numbers I saw today for Wall Street seem completely out of whack. The most highly compensated folks on the Street aren’t offering brilliant (or not) strategy to the heads of the largest corporations, instead they’re playing the market for their employers with company money.

The worst run business still employs people and produces something; entertainers at least entertain, as do athletes, but the highest earners on the Street spend their days pushing money around. They produce nothing, employee nobody, and on the whole, contribute little to anyone other than themselves.

Obviously, there are many exceptions to this comment, one of the most prominent being Paul Tudor Jones, founder of the Robin Hood Foundation.

Another exception is a client of mine, KG Charles-Harris, who was a very successful M&A guy. He says that one day he realized that he wasn’t satisfied and that he really wanted to build something lasting. So he put his money where his mouth was and invested in, and became CEO, of Emanio, Inc.

Considering this year’s M&A activity I asked KG if he missed it. His response? “Not at all – I like what I do and the team I’m working with. It has been a very painful road to get to where I am. I’m glad that I’m working in a more nurturing environment.”

One more thing. I’m proud to make the first public announcement of the M3 Foundation, an organization dedicated to changing the future of Black boys in this country (Did I mention that KG likes challenge?), and want to thank KG for allowing me to be a small part of it.