The people who pay me to write do so because I have the skill of brevity. Writing is an art and artists are quick to cite those who most influenced their talent. I’m no different and Pauline Phillips, AKA Abigail Van Buren, AKA Dear Abby, who died Wednesday, was a huge influence growing up. I read her every day and her skill creating pithy, answers that said it all in very few words. Although often irreverent her answers were still empathetic and never hurtful or sarcastic. She impressed me no end and I’ve done my best to absorb it into my own style, although I’m not nearly as good at it.

A favorite I couldn’t find was in response to a 32 year old woman who wondered if it was too late to become a doctor, because it takes 10 years and she would be 43 by the time she was licensed. Abby’s response? Yes, it would take 10 years, and yes, she would be 43, however, in 10 years she would be 43 no matter what she did.

Here are some others that I was able to find.

Dear Abby: Our son married a girl when he was in the service. They were married in February and she had an 8½-pound baby girl in August. She said the baby was premature. Can an 8½-pound baby be this premature?— Wanting to Know
Dear Wanting: The baby was on time. The wedding was late. Forget it.

Dear Abby: A woman who was married for 46 years wrote a long story about how hard her husband was to live with. She asked you whether she should choose divorce or suicide. You told her divorce was preferable. Are you married to a divorce lawyer, Abby?” — Nosy ”
Dear Nosy: No. Are you married to an undertaker?”

Dear Abby: My wife sleeps in the raw. Then she showers, brushes her teeth and fixes our breakfast — still in the buff. We’re newlyweds and there are just the two of us, so I suppose there’s really nothing wrong with it. What do you think? — Ed
Dear Ed: It’s O.K. with me. But tell her to put on an apron when she’s frying bacon.

Dear Abby: I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can’t afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Have you any suggestions? — M. J. B. in Oakland, Calif.
Dear M. J. B.: Yes. Run for a public office.

And as someone who lived with her gay friends on Nob Hill 30-odd years ago this is my all time favorite.

Dear Abby: Two men who claim to be father and adopted son just bought an old mansion across the street and fixed it up. We notice a very suspicious mixture of company coming and going at all hours — blacks, whites, Orientals, women who look like men and men who look like women. This has always been considered one of the finest sections of San Francisco, and these weirdos are giving it a bad name. How can we improve the neighborhood? — Nob Hill Residents
Dear Residents: You could move.

Finally, a short interview between Larry King and Dear Abby.

Image credit: CNN

As you know, I have a fascination with words, their meanings, usage and contrariness; phrases, too, because their longevity in a world as transient as ours is surprising.

Both words and phrases can go out of style in days or be lasting—at least enough to make a 2012 list of most the popular, but only time will tell their staying power.

ALL due credit to petroleum and technology, social media and memes, and the humbling power of the weather, for their ability to generate and sustain new words. And the 2012 elections also made for a bountiful harvest of new political expressions.

For staying power, as well as mystery, you’ll have to go a long way to match the phrase the whole nine yards? Did you ever wonder where it came from?

For decades the answer to that question has been the Bigfoot of word origins, chased around wild speculative corners by amateur word freaks, with exasperated lexicographers and debunkers of folk etymologies in hot pursuit.

How many words does it take to create a dialog? Try six. A few years ago I introduced you to Smith Magazine, where people sum up their life in 6 words. Michele Norris, the National Public Radio host started a dialog about by asking people for their six-word thoughts on race.

She asked for just six words. (…)Two years later, the cards have become almost a parallel career for Norris, best known for her work on the NPR show All Things Considered. She and an assistant have catalogued more than 12,000 submissions on theracecardproject.com. People now send them via Facebook and Twitter or type them directly into the website, leading to vibrant online discussions.

Society defines many actions through words, but what happens when the actions change and society has no viable words that fit? People have to come up with their own.

…what to call two people who act as if they are married but are not. (…) One might imagine we would be less tongue-tied. The faux spouse is a pretty ho-hum cultural specimen for such a gaping verbal lacuna. But none of the word choices are good.

Finally, for those who prefer pictures, or at least visually enhanced content, there are infographics (and how to make them).

Many people don’t realise that the term information graphic, or ‘infographic’ was first coined over 100 years ago, with the Coxcomb chart by Florence Nightingale in 1857 being one of earliest recognised examples. They have existed in many forms since then, but only in the past few years have infographics developed into the art form we know today.

Flickr image credit: pedroelcarvalho

A Friday series exploring Startups and the people who make them go. Read all If the Shoe Fits posts here  

Yet again, the startup world is changing.

I’ve watched it morph many times over the last 30 years, but what I find different this time is what I can only call entrepreneurial stupidity—a combination of arrogance, myopia and ignorance.

I don’t think it’s too widespread, but when you come head-to-head with it it tends to bring you up short.

“Jaime,” an entrepreneur with whom I, who has a B2B subscription startup, attended an event that had entrepreneurs presenting to investors.

He was highly offended because one of the presenters was looking for investment to start a winery.

Jaime said that a winery was a business, not a startup, nor was it scalable; when I disagreed he quoted Steve Blank to me, “a startup is an organization formed to search for a repeatable and scalable business model.”

First of all, in the post, Steve says, this is “a new definition of why startups exist” and as to the scalable part, someone had better tell Naked Wines and its portfolio of startup wineries that they aren’t scalable.

It reminded me of a young woman I spoke with in 2000 when I was still a headhunter.

We were talking about startups and I said something to the effect that I’d been working with startups since the Seventies; she disgustedly informed me that startups were a function of the Internet.

I guess someone forgot to tell Hewlett and Packard, Steve Jobs and dozens of others, and, more recently, Eric Ryan and Adam Lowry, the two guys who started $100 million, 100 employee Method cleaning products,  that their companies weren’t startups.

The lesson here is that while some startups may go where no person has gone before, most will leverage the existing adding tweaks and new twists to add value.

Image credit: HikingArtist

Perceptions rule.

The things you say and do hold no reality other than the way they are perceived by your audience, which includes employees, customers and investors.

Everything people hear, see or do is filtered through their MAP (mindset, attitude, philosophy™) and they a respond according to their perceptions, whether they reflect the actual intent or not.

In other words, what one person says and the other guy hears may have nothing to do with each other.

That’s why it’s critical to the success of your venture to actively manage the perceptions of all stake-holders.

Perceptions are a constantly moving target that are distorted by a variety of circumstances—from something as minor as feeling out of sorts to global economic turmoil; as a result the communications that were understood today may not work tomorrow.

Experts constantly bandy such words as ‘authentic’, ‘honest’, ‘sincere’ and similar terms in talking about how to change perceptions, when, in fact, there are only two things working together that actually accomplish perceptional change.

Those two things are actions and time.

If over time actions don’t back up whatever is said, then perceptions won’t change.

The greater the change the greater the cynicism as to how real and how sustainable it actually is, so don’t expect instant buy-in.

Communicate what you’re going to do and then do it consistently over and over forever—and watch perceptions change.

Flickr image credit: Gregory Gill

One of the most important things you learn if you want to be a great boss is how to let go.

Whether it’s to avoid wasting resources on projects going nowhere or removing someone who is damaging the team you need to know how to let go.

Why is letting go so difficult?

Because letting go is an emotional act as opposed to a rational analysis.

The unwillingness to let go is anchored in your MAP (the link goes to a blueprint of how to change it).

Letting go is very similar to those team building exercises, variations of which have been around for decades, such as the one where you fall backwards from a height trusting your team to catch you.

It’s scary, not because you’re up that high, but because it requires real trust and the result is outside of your control.

Letting go is like that.

There are three basic steps to letting go.

1. You need to trust that the people around you are giving you straight information with no hidden agendas.
2. Analyze the information and accept that at that point the failure of the person, version or even entire project is outside of your control.
3. Accept that no matter how good you are you won’t always be right. After all, Home Depot had Robert Nardelli and Steve Jobs had Lisa and Newton.

Flickr image credit: Shawn Rossi

Has tuit culture invaded your team’s culture?

Has it seeped into your personal culture and infected your values?

Tuit culture is insidious; it usually starts with small inconsequential stuff and then quietly spreads.

If not dealt with immediately it can delay projects, impact vendors, damage customer relationships, substantially increase turnover, especially among your best and brightest, and ruin your street rep.

Are you familiar with the warning signs, so you can take action before tuit culture takes root?

Be warned if you notice any of the following:

• Small tasks aren’t done on time or just aren’t done.
• One or more of your team are slow to respond to requests.
• Individuals and teams find ways of bypassing one or more of its members or bosses.

The best antidotes to tuit culture are vigilance, awareness (both group and self), transparency and open communications.

Beware the Round Tuit

Image credit: RampUp Solutions

 “When they discover the center of the universe, how many people you know will be disappointed that they are not it?” —Bernard Baily

How many of them have you interviewed? How many of your recent hires required remedial coaching to understand how the real world works?

It’s a well-known fact that actions and attitudes are contagious—yawn and others will start yawning, smile and they will smile—and entitlement, the attitude of “I am special, therefore I deserve…” is catching and not necessarily age-related.

You see it when you’re driving and shopping, but it’s most annoying at work.

More and more bosses are seeing that attitude and not just in their younger workers.

The deprived generation of the Depression raised the entitled generation of Boomers who raised the much entitled, very special generation of Millennials who are raising a yet more special, more entitled generation.

And so it goes.

But there is a kind of rough justice best captured in the attitude of ‘what goes around comes around’ or, more specifically, ‘as you sow, so shall you reap’.

Guess who will be hiring all these special kids in a decade or two.

Flickr image credit: Maudy Apon

I love plays on words and playing with words; I hope you do, too. The following were accumulated from a variety of sources just for your enjoyment.

I grew up playing with a dictionary and my mother used the same language with me that she used with her friends; if I didn’t understand something I was told to look it up in the dictionary, but why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?

Another thing that always worried me and made me wonder was if a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

Spelling is my bane (spell check is my salvation); I sounded out words, but why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

If adding ‘in’ makes opposites, e.g., cautious and incautious, why do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

I don’t know about other languages, but English is confusing; for example, if a pronoun is a word used in place of a noun, is a proverb a word used in place of a verb?

Riddle me this, is an oxymoron a really dumb bovine?

Finally, in a nod to my techie friends I ask, are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?

Flickr image credit: TEDxNJLibraries

In honor of the New Year Dan McCarthy solicited “their best posts of 2013” for the January Leadership Carnival as chosen by each authors. The result are 33 posts providing insight and inspiration for all of you, whether you manager or managed the information will prove useful.

S. Chris Edmonds, from Driving Results Through Culture, picked Create a Validating Corporate Culture.
“This post was my most popular (generated the most comments) and is one of my favorite posts from this past year. In it I present very new insights (for me!) on the health of organizational culture: civility (basic “niceness;” no yelling, cursing, or tantrums – yet a stretch for many organizations because civility is NOT the norm), then acknowledgement (active recognition of effort, accomplishment, and demonstration of desired values), to the highest level of cultural health, validation (proactive, explicit valuing of team members’ ideas, skills, enthusiasm, work ethic, and cooperation).”

Anne Perschel, from Germane Insights, picked Dear CEO: What’s Your 400 Year Business Plan?
“What can leaders learn from the makers of fine cognac? How to grow a company that remains healthy long into the future. This post begins by considering the 400 year forest management plans that produce trees for making cognac barrels. Sip slowly and enjoy the read.”

Mary Jo Asmus picked A Question of Courage.
“This is my favorite because it addresses fear, a huge negative (and silent) driver that keeps leaders from speaking up against injustice, lack of ethics, morality issues and other things that damage individuals and people in our organizations. Leaders must learn to recognize their fear when it surfaces and ask themselves several questions – provided in the article –  and one very important question in order to take action against negative influences at work.”

Julie Winkle Giulioni picked Make Sure to Learn from Your Successes.
“It may not have been my most popular… but I think it’s ‘best’ because it’s a simple message… but one that too many of us forget. I firmly believe that if we redeployed even a fraction of the time and energy we spend focusing on failure toward learning from success, we’d get a lot farther faster.”

Sharlyn Lauby, from HR Bartender, picked How to Tell if Your Boss is a Bully or Just Tough.
“Believe it or not, this is my number one leadership/management related post. There are very fine lines between being a tough boss, a jerk manager and a bully.”

Bernd Geropp, from More Leadership, picked What makes a great business vision statement?
“In my opinion having a vision is crucial for a leader.
A true vision shows that the leader and the company strive to solve a meaningful problem.
It is not about money, it is about solving a problem which makes the world a better place.
I believe the included video helps that this post is one of my most popular ones.”

Karin Hurt, from Let’s Grow Leaders, picked Humility Matters: 9 Ways Confident Leaders Remain Humble.
“One of my most popular posts, and one that expresses an important essence of leadership. We want to follow people with confidence, charisma and a strong sense of direction.  Confidence inspires, attracts, excites and ignites.  We think, “they sure do seem to know what they’re doing…”  And yet, I have observed that confidence, without humility, can be dangerous.  I have seen it significantly limit a leader’s effectiveness.  They stay their course, but may miss important input.  People may follow, but not with their full spirit.  Truly confident leaders are secure enough to embrace and share their humility.  In the long run, their humility makes them stronger.”

Joel Garfinkle, from Career Advancement Blog, picked 3 Ways to Avoid Burnout in Today’s High-Pressure Work Environment. 
“I’m feeling exhausted and burned out, but I’m afraid to slow down. What should I do? Here are three ways to get yourself back on track: (1) Schedule yourself first, (2) Set and maintain boundaries, (3) Monitor overload warnings.”

Lisa Kohn, from The Thoughtful Leaders Blog, submitted Balance is a dirty word.
“Here’s a few simple ideas for achieving more balance in our worlds and our lives.”

Linda Fisher Thornton, from Leading in Context, picked What is Creativity?
“What is Creativity?” was the most popular post of 2012 on the Leading in Context Blog. It explores the variables that make up what we call creativity, and investigates whether it is a skill or a mindset.”

Here’s my own favorite from 2012,  10 Simple “Truths” about Management vs. Leadership. Although one of my shorter posts, it took a long time to write, and represents over 20 years of experience and learning about leadership.

Tom Magness, from Leader Business, picked March Tables.
“It is a leadership lesson from my days as a young lieutenant.  Timeless lessons about…time!”

Bill Matthies, from Business Wisdom, picked Stagnant Thinking.
“Real change stems from the ability to alter one’s views. The next time you find yourself in a heated discussion with a co-worker, remember this.  If you can’t change your mind, what can you change?”  

Jim Taggart, from Changing Winds leadership, picked Even a Bullet to the Head Couldn’t Stop this Young Female Leader.
“I chose this post not just because it elicited strong interest from readers in many countries, but because it may help foster personal reflection and inquiry at the start of 2013. Malala Yousafzai is still healing physically and emotionally from her wounds, yet her courage and perseverance to her cause- that girls in Pakistan have the right to education and to be safe while doing so –  is a testimony to true leadership. And it’s why I chose her as the top leader in my Leadership 2012 blog post (which I’ll release on January 7). The book is not closed on Malala. Expect to hear much more from her in 2013.”

John Hunter, from Management Improvement, selected We are Being Ruined by the Best Efforts of People Who are Doing the Wrong Thing.
“Determining which post deserves the honor of being selected the best of the year, isn’t easy. As did the other candidates, this post presented an important leadership lesson.  But, in addition, it has the added value of a cute video with a baby porcupine (demonstrating that effort without the proper insight is often wasted); that proved enough to allow the post to edge out the others.”

Tom Walter submitted How to be a Good Coach: Tips for employee-focused leaders.
“Being a good coach means putting others before yourself and always making decisions for the good of the team.  Here are eight tips on how to take coaching principles into the workplace in order to be an employee-focused leader, it all starts with listening.”

Mark Stelzner, from inflexionadvisors, picked 5 Career Lessons From The Road.
“I believe that real life experience often serves up the best advice and this particular flight (plus a little eavesdropping) served as great inspiration.”

David Burkus, from Leaderlab (next month’s Carnival host), picked Strategy is About Choice.
“It was one of the most read pieces in 2012 and the one with the most active discussion BY FAR, on how developing strategy is just as much about what you choose not to pursue.”

Eric Pennington, from The Epic Living Blog, picked An Early Morning in June.
“This post is my best/favorite for 2012 because it reveals much about me and gave my readers a since of my heart and experiences. The readers got to see clearly that experiences shape a true mission.”

Art Petty, from Management Excellence, selected Leading in the Matrix-7 Ideas to Cultivate the Right Skills.
“I remain convinced that the leaders of tomorrow are those who are best able to lead with accountability and often without authority in distributed and heavily matrixed environments. These “integrator leaders” must survive on their ability to build temporary coalitions, cultivate a shared vision, and drive results all without the hire/fire/promote authority that traditional organizational leaders have enjoyed. Blend in the need to be able to do all of this across time-zones and cultures, and you can see why those who master the art of leading in the matrix are increasingly in demand.”

Randy Conley, Leading with Trust, picked Five Leadership Lessons From the Life of Neil Armstrong.
“This past year saw the passing of Neil Armstrong, the first man to walk on the moon and a true American hero. In one of his most widely read and tweeted posts, Randy shares five leadership lessons from the life and career of Armstrong.”

Wally Bock, from Three Star Leadership, picked Magical Bosses.
“Great bosses get results that often seem magical. But there’s method to the magic and you can learn it.”

Jane Perdue, from LeadBIG, picked Let’s end the paradox of kindness.
“Power has gotten a bum rap of being all ego-centric and self-serving. Hooey. One can do well, show kindness and be as powerful as all get-out. Dare to be kind.” As my most read post of 2012, I’m delighted that others agree!”

Mike Henry Sr., from Lead Change Group, picked Playing the Part of a Leader (by Alan Derek Utley).
“Alan Utley challenged us to avoid the temptation to simply “go through the motions” of leadership. We can’t simply act the part.  We must “be the leader.” Simply acting like a leader won’t get it. He proposed 6 things we must do to “be” a genuine leader.”

Neal Burgis, Ph.D. picked Happy New Year: Holiday Challenge for 2013.
“This is my best work as it relates to the brand new year of 2013. Having 12 fresh approaches for your leadership & organization, helps move you to thrive instead of just surviving. This article helps you set a new goal for the next 12 months. Follow them for the success you want. Every new day gives you a chance to move forward from your present situation. You can improve your business on a number of fronts. To help launch the New Year for your business, the following are 12 ways you can move your organization forward.”

Chris Young, from Human Capital Strategy Blog, picked When Emotion Becomes Leadership’s Biggest Enemy.
“This post stands out to me because emotion is the challenge I must overcome most often.  Here are 5 things that I have found to be effective in keeping emotion controlled in myself and those around me.”

Mary Ila Ward, from Horizon Point Consulting, picked Pot, Meet Kettle.
“This was the most viewed post of 2012 for Horizon Point’s blog.  It speaks to the fact that what annoys or angers us most in others is the flaws we also see in ourselves.  It also gives tips for recognizing these flaws and correcting them in order to be better leaders.”

Jesse Lyn Stoner selected How to Influence Without Authority.
“This was the 2nd most popular with my readers according to the combined number of shares on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn, but the excellent discussion and reader comments added so much value that I consider it my best post. We are being called on more and more to collaborate across reporting lines and work with people we don’t have direct authority over. How to influence in these kinds of situations is such a timely and important topic.”

Jennifer Miller, The People Equation, picked Develop Leaders by Loaning Your Belief
“I chose this post for two reasons: first because it’s aligned with the core purpose  of the Leadership Development Carnival – providing tips for how to develop your team members’ leadership abilities on a daily basis. Secondly, this post-within-in-a-post addresses another key aspect of leadership development – shoring up emerging leaders’ belief in their abilities.”

Chery Gegelman picked a post from Smartblog on Leadership, Diamonds in the Rough ~ How to recognize your star employees.
“My best 2012 was a huge debate!  As change begins “with me”, many of my posts are focused on self-development.  This post focuses on the life-changing difference we can make for individuals and our organizations when we focus on developing others.”

Joan Kofodimos, from Anyone Can Lead, picked The End of Men…as Leaders?
“In 2012, the old debates about gender and leadership were reincarnated in a big way – from Sheryl Sandberg’s TED talk claiming there aren’t enough women leaders because they don’t want it enough, to Anne-Marie Slaughter’s rejoinder in The Atlantic arguing that it’s impossible to have it all, to Hanna Rosin’s controversial book The End of Men. In this blog post, I try to tease out the implications for those of us, men and women alike, who want to survive and thrive in the organizations of the future.”

Jon Mertz, from Thin Difference, picked How to Get and Keep Respect – 4 Practices.
“While we work to be productive in what we do, we also want more. We want to feel valued, listened to, and called upon to do ordinary and extraordinary things. In this post, I discuss how we can begin to do just that.”

Susan Mazza, from Random Acts of Leadership, picked The Secret to Being Effective.
“This post in particular was shared quite a lot through social media channels.  My clients have shared that this “One Secret” was a key lesson from me in our work together this year.”

Mark Miller, from Great Leaders Serve, picked Simplify.
“It was one of the most popular posts to appear on  in 2012. I think it’s a valuable addition to the carnival because the best leaders are gifted at simplifying things. This post shares some examples of how leaders do that every day.”

Miki Saxon, from MAPping Company Success  gives us Ducks in a Row: Managing Weeds.
“Most stars are made, not born, which means that the quality of a team reflects the quality of its management. Managers should consult the mirror when considering an under-performing employee.”

Jon Ingram, from Strategic HCM, closes out the Carnival with Engagement or Entwistle.

A Friday series exploring Startups and the people who make them go. Read allIf the Shoe Fits posts here

When I started this blog I wrote a post called Management Bedrock in response to a query from a newly promoted manager who didn’t want to be mediocre.

My advice to him hasn’t changed and it reflected in two very different situations.

The first is from Derek Flanzraich, founder of Greatist, talking about mistakes to avoid.

Not Sharing Enough With the Team

I aim to be transparent with my team to the point of feeling uncomfortable about it. Since we’re so small and what we’re doing is so important, believe it’s key to express that trust. This year, I failed to share my general thoughts on the future a few times, so I’ve learned to be more proactive. We’re all in this together–and I need their help!

It’s an older and much different environment in Europe; however, transparency and skilled communications not only worked for BMW, but won it an award.

“There is no better way to motivate than to communicate,” Johannas Haider, VP of Purchasing, Production and Technology Plastics-Exterior at BMW, told INSEAD Knowledge at the 2012 Industrial Excellence Awards ceremony near Munich in October.  Haider calls his BMW subsidiary in Tubingen a “Transparent Factory” in which management and workers are cross-trained to understand the entire manufacturing process.  The workflow is also visible on “dashboard” charts throughout the plant.  “This is our answer to complexity,” he says.

Transparency; trust; openness.

Here’s the simple mantra I shared years ago and have shared with clients for more than three decades.

Premise: People are intelligent, motivated and want to help their company/manager succeed.

Corollary: It’s management’s responsibility to provide them with all the information needed to understand how to perform their work as correctly, completely and efficiently as possible.

Print it. Post it in where you’ll see it every day. Practice it all the time.

Don’t wait for a good time, just do it now—do it always.

Image credit: HikingArtist