In a post on November 13 Sarah Trammel refers to my post about selective hearing, her own trials with it, and wonders how to combat it. One of her readers adds that it’s not just in the workplace, but at home, also.

I agree; I’ve found that selective hearing, i.e., hearing what one wants to and not hearing the rest, is the prevalent condition of the typical human in some, if not all, of their interactions.

For ways to combat it, try using the approaches in Building awareness to change your MAP and The four-level process of change.

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On November 8 I wrote about how (to me) out of whack compensation seems to be these days. Yesterday I read A New Class War: The Haves vs. the Have Mores and learned that these giant comp packages are upsetting the merely rich. Boo hoo.

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On September 8 I discussed a hiring problem the CEO of a startup was having, the suggestion I made to solve it and said that I would let you know the outcome. I apologize for being slow to do so.

In short, the solution worked. He said that his VPs appreciated his openness in discussing it with them, they agreed with his reasoning for going above the normal compensation level, and the new VP is on staff and doing a fantastic job.

We’re all subject to selective hearing at times, i.e., hearing that which confirms what we already think and ignoring anything that upsets our subject-view. It happens frequently in the business world and, almost inevitably, causes problems.

It’s especially common during reference checks.

Back in the dark ages, when I was first a headhunter and references were in written form, a letter making the rounds of headhunters really drove this point home. Because I love to play with language, I saved it as a shining example of wordsmithing; here is a much shortened version of it:

To whom it may concern:

I am writing to confirm Joe Doaks’ employment from 1/5/75 to 8/12/76 with Endure Inc.

Words can not describe our feelings when Joe told us he was leaving. The reaction of his department, in fact, the entire company, cannot easily be written. Joe brought many unique skills to Endure Inc. and his extraordinary efforts and interactions with our customers will long be remembered. We would like to take this opportunity to wish both Joe and his new employer the best of luck.

Yours truly,
Robert Thornton
Vice President

Today, it’s difficult to get any real information when checking references. Many companies will only confirm dates of employment, salary, and eligibility for rehire—if that—so managers often call directly to their peers.

This works well, except when the manager and team really like the person. When that happens, all the red flags will be ignored, the reference will be distorted and the manager will hear what he wants to hear.

The following conversation was sent to me by “Ed,” a client who’s an engineering VP, who thought I needed a good laugh. It relates the conversation between him and “Todd,” a VP who had called for a reference on “Wendell,” a senior-level engineer. Ed told me that he was amazed his name had been given as a reference, since he had terminated Wendell. Ed, who is usually voluble, assures me that this is practically a verbatim report:

Todd: We understand Wendell worked for you for seven years.

Ed: Yes.

Todd: And led a team in the advanced architecture of a new product.

Ed: Yes, he was in that position.

Todd: And that the product is selling well!

Ed: Yes, in spite of being 11 months late to market.

Todd: It [the product] is considered highly reliable and has great manufacturability.

Ed: Yes, we have a superb manufacturing department and world-class quality people.

Todd: Great, we are very excited about Wendell bringing those skills to us. Thanks for your time.

When talking to a peer, Ed will offer many opportunities for the calling VP to follow up for additional information. If asked, he will be completely honest, but he doesn’t volunteer information.

In this instance, Ed said that he was relieved when the call ended, since he was having trouble controlling his laughter.

Ed’s not prone to selective hearing at work and never quite believed the stories I’ve told him, saying that people who reached senior management roles had to have overcome the inclination or they wouldn’t be there. However, since that call, he’s not nearly as prone to making such assumptions.