I’m a coach, so I spend a lot of time discussing challenges and situations and then offering ideas, suggestions and, sometimes, specific advice.

I do my best to jar my clients’ thinking, not necessarily to have them follow my lead, but to nudge them out of their comfort zone and into a more creative space.

Basically, I’m a bit lazy in as much as I don’t do any more than is necessary and I avoid complexifying anything.

So when I do offer specific suggestions they’re based on what I consider common sense and are aimed at simplifying whatever is involved.

I often get a ‘wow!’ reaction and lots of excitement.

When asked, I explain the basis of my thinking and suddenly the reaction becomes ‘that’s simple, anyone could think of that’.

It’s a lot like magic tricks. They’re very impressive when you see the magician do them on stage, but when you know how they are done they often become drab and mundane—the magic is gone.

As a result, I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut; I don’t add a lot of mystique, because it feels like a con, but I don’t have to say that my mind always goes for the simplest approach possible because essentially I’m lazy.

So the next time you’re faced with a challenge try looking for the simplest way to solve it and wow those around you with your brilliance.

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Manhattan, home of Wall Street, financial sorcery, hyper-competitiveness—and tutoring for 3 and 4-year-olds.

This story is one of the saddest I’ve read lately.

That is an age when a child should spend time being a child, exploring their world, running around, creating imaginary worlds, friends, situations and enjoying unconditional love.

Instead, they are learning that to please mommy and daddy they have to get a certain teat result and get into a certain school.

…3- and 4-year-olds whose parents hope that a little assistance — costing upward of $1,000 for several sessions — will help them win coveted spots in the city’s gifted and talented public kindergarten classes.

Granted, I didn’t read all 166 comments, but 98% of the ones I did read were negative on tutoring. Many of them reacted as I did—let kids be kids.

But many parents see their kids as a reflection or symbol of their own success; that means pressure to excel—even at that age.

Of course, those who do get in will be labeled “high potential” and “leadership material,” which is ridiculous at that age. And so we destroy potential in the rest.

Life is so short and childhood is even shorter. There is plenty of time to compete, set goals, worry whether you are achieving enough vs. what others are doing. Time to find out that love can be conditional on accomplishing your parent’s expectations.

But is it really necessary to start at age three?

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Do you always do your best work

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People hate reviews, but done correctly reviews are a terrific tool to provide individual attention, improve retention and show your love—tention reviews as opposed to tension reviews.

I won’t bother explaining the latter; everybody has suffered through a tension review at least once in their life and probably far more.

The biggest difference between the two is in the level of communication and frequency.

Done correctly tention reviews happen constantly and are called feedback. Think of them as a manager’s response to the “how am I doing” sign implicit on every member of their team.

We all crave feedback, which includes

• sincere strokes (given publicly),
• constructive criticism (given privately),
• career growth (what we have to do to take that next step), and
• friendly general interest.

Truly great managers add

• how can I improve,
• what can I do to help you, and
• how can I help our team excel?

Another part of review love is inherent in the communications necessary to setting solid, intelligent goals for each team member—

• solid because they make sense and are achievable, while still being a stretch, and
• intelligent because each person can see how their own objectives support their team’s goals, which, in turn, support the overall goals of the company.

Tention reviews also recognize that individual annual goals often need to be adjusted as a change in the company’s goals sets off a ripple effect throughout the organization.

And for those managers’ who claim they don’t have the time because of their real job, I’m here to tell you this is your job—cut corners or ignore at your own peril.

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Last Monday we discussed some of the ridiculous reasons that managers use to excuse their lack of fairness and Tuesday we covered what most employees actually mean by ‘fair’.

The main focus was on compensation and that doesn’t begin to cover it.

Unfair treatment from pay to perks to training to strokes to any form of attention will create problems.

Note: I didn’t say ‘might’ or ‘may’ cause problems, but will cause them.

Not just engagement, motivation and retention problems, but also problems with creativity, innovation, initiative (AKA leadership) and especially trust—there won’t be any.

So let’s be clear.

There is no acceptable reason to treat any of your people unfairly.

How do you know that you are being unfair?

I have never met or heard of any managers who didn’t know deep down that they were being unfair.

They may ignore their actions and practice extreme awareness avoidance regarding their reasons, but they know.

The solution is simply to stop; there is no fancy action list; no books to read, no research to do.

You know when you do it, so you’ll know when you stop.

Simple—yes; easy—no. But it has to be done if you want your team to excel.

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Good grief, where did the time go? Thanksgiving is over, and that means the year is close to ending, but first comes the holiday season. Nothing but parties and get-togethers for the next 4.5 weeks.

Frank Ogden said, “Holidays are the greatest learning experience unknown to man.” I think he has a real point, otherwise most of us wouldn’t keep repeating the same actions and activities every year that don’t work for us—isn’t that similar to Einstein’s definition of insanity?

Sadly Philip Andrew Adams hit the nail on the head when he said, “To many people holidays are not voyages of discovery, but a ritual of reassurance.”

Holidays are funny things, rarely does your version of what happened match those of the other people present. But does that matter? Denis Norden said, “It’s like your children talking about holidays, you find they have a quite different memory of it from you. Perhaps everything is not how it is, but how it’s remembered.” How very true, your reality is based on your memories, not someone else’s version of the same event.

Bob Edwards made a very valid observation when he said, “One can always tell when one is getting old and serious by the way that holidays seem to interfere with one’s work.” Based on that I’m still not old, no matter what Social Security says, and I never will be—what about you?

Ben Franklin’s wisdom is accurate as ever, “How many observe Christ’s birthday! How few, his precepts! O! ’tis easier to keep holidays than commandments.” You may not agree, but it seems these days the more vocal the religion the greater the intolerance and hate; I’d rather go back to the days when faith was private and tolerance waxing.

But it’s Pepper Schwartz who sums up the holidays perfectly, “Holidays in general breed unrealistic expectations. The minute you start wondering, ‘is it going to be wonderful enough?,’ it never will be.” The trick, obviously, is not to wonder, just assume. Believe with all your heart; know that it will happen and it will.

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When I remember all the years I spent convincing executives that culture wasn’t an idea propagated by consultants with an eye to their bottom line I have to laugh—otherwise I’d probably cry.

These days, culture is on the front page and front line of everybody’s’ mind, credited or blamed for company success and failure.

Take Goldman Sachs (please!) and its ‘culture of sharing’, which is good, except it doesn’t seem to extend to shareholders, and the coming bonuses are as obscene as always.

Google is a touchstone for any conversation about corporate culture. Inside The Mind Of Google is a multi-part, in-depth look at the company starting December 3 on CNBC. Get ready for it by taking this quiz and find our how much you know about Google.

Companies know that hiring an executive, or merging companies, that aren’t at least culturally synergistic is often a road to disaster, so organizational psychologists are finding ways to scientifically evaluate the fit; of course, as soon as the tools are developed people will find new ways to game the system.

And then there’s Asana, a startup that has a “…grand vision of de-Dilbertizing corporate culture by creating technology that enables a workplace to function with greater efficiency and a minimum of miscommunication.“ But as the article points out, technical solutions don’t neutralize pointy-haired bosses.

Finally, take a look at what happens when you don’t just add windows, but actually move the entire office outside.

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Yesterday was a dream come true—

or maybe a nightmare made just for you.

I hope ’twas the former, but just in case

remember that distance will help erase

the rudeness, the snipes, the downright bad manners

and before next year you can call the enchanters!

Now the turkey is gone, the year, too, almost

and I don’t really feel like doing this post,

so I’ll close with this thought for all my readers—

come back next week for more about leaders:)

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What do you talk about in your life?

What do you go to bed thinking about; what dominates your dreams; what do you ponder during the day?

Your aches and pains; the gray hair you found; the new outfit you bought, but aren’t sure is right?

Do you dwell on the words or email that may be a slight—or not?

The colleague you’re not sure likes you; the boss who seems OK, but…?

It’s more than a matter of the glass being half full or half empty.

Like the dog that worries a bone, constantly thinking and talking about anything focuses you on it; prioritizes it and makes it paramount until it dominates all other thoughts.

Focus works in both directions—it can launch you to the heights or toss you into a dungeon of doom—taking your family and friends with you.

Most importantly…

Focus is a choice.

Choose wisely.

I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving and a bountiful life.

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(And a special link to stories of Thanksgivings past, so you’ll know it’s not just your family or to light a candle that yours is different:)

And click to see some great turkey PR

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