(Today continues a conversation initiated last Thursday and added to yesterday.)

Everybody lies about sex. Those who aren’t getting any say they are and those who are getting it where they shouldn’t deny it.

Governor Mark Sanford followed the same path of Newt Gingrich, Bob Livingston, Rudy Giuliani, John Ensign, David Vitter, Larry Craig, Mark Foley, Helen Chenoweth (the first woman) and many more.

But you know what?

I don’t care. At least, not about the sex—or even the lies. Even the lies under oath, because I don’t believe that an oath is going to change someone’s attitude about admitting something they don’t want to admit, it just adds another layer to the lie.

As Becky Robinson pointed out in her comment I could have just as easily used the Evangelical community—Jimmy Swaggart, Marvin Gorman, Jim Bakker, Lonnie Latham, Earl Paulk, Paul Crouch, Douglas Goodman, Frank Houston, etc., etc., etc. and, of course, the Catholic Church.

Dan Erwin made two very salient points.

In his first comment he said, “If you reframe the context from leader to bureaucrat, then the ethical expectations change.”

Amen, Dan. To assume that an elected official or any person-out-front automatically possesses all the sterling qualities of a “leader” as defined by the media, pundits and leadership industry has no basis in fact.

The second point that hit me was, “The notion of “standards” etc. is often a set-up for failure.”

This is getting closer to what angers me so much.

Not the sex, not the lies, but the standards.

Standards that they defined, preached and worked so hard to shove down everyone’s throat—standards that not one of them has even come close to practicing.

Mark Sanford voted for President Bill Clinton’s impeachment citing a need for “moral legitimacy” as his reason. Now he cites the Bible and the story of David and Bathsheba as his reason for not resigning.

As to the apologies, are they for the action or for getting caught? Americans are so focused on the sex and accept the apologies so readily that the hypocrisy becomes mere background noise.

It’s the Richard Nixon mentality all over again. As Nixon said in 1977, “When the president does it, that means it is not illegal,”

The reigning slogan these days for too many “leaders” seems to be “do as I say, not as I do,” which both angers and confuses their followers.

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Dan also said, “No question but what they’re hypocrites…of the worst kind. They made claims they didn’t follow through on. However, the issue parents (and grandparents, too) have to deal with is the education of your children.”

We’ll explore Dan’s thoughts and personal example of this in the next Leadership’s Future on Thursday. Please join us.

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Oh what great examples are presented to kids these days.

Some of the worst types of hypocrites are thriving.

The first are all the ‘leaders’ who turn out to be crooks—Dennis Kowalski, Jeffrey Skilling, Bernie Madoff and a host of other hedge fund managers—to name a very few.

Then there are those who don’t practice what they preach; worse, they preach from very high profiles and at very loud levels.

I hate using political examples, but they’re the most prevalent.

One such is former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who acknowledged having an extramarital affair even as he led the charge against President Clinton over the Monica Lewinsky fiasco—which was also hypocritical.

But the bottom of the barrel are folks such as Senator John Ensign, a ‘leader’ of Promise Keepers, an organization which, among other things, promotes a teenage abstinence policy of education, who chose to screw around (pun intended).

Gone are the days when kids listened wide-eyed and respectful to the words flowing from political, business and parental lips.

These days the kids listen, and then check out the actions of the bodies attached to those lips, either directly or by Google.

It’s not about the sex; sex and power having gone together since time immemorial. And it’s not even about who lied when caught. Almost every human lies about sex, including the kids.

A few centuries ago when I was young there was a saying, “People in glass housed shouldn’t throw stones.”

So before you become a ‘leader’ for any cause or attitude, do make sure that your own actions conform to what’s expected of those who follow you.

But be warned; reasons, excuses and apologies don’t cut it with today’s cynical youth.

And if you’re thinking of following, Google the person and make sure that their actions conform to your own standards of ‘acceptable’.

(Be sure to check out Biz Levity’s irreverent look at the Ensign scandal.)

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I have a great idea to make the world a better place.

Everybody who aspires to the cult of all-knowing leader stops.

Everybody who longs for an all-knowing leader embraces the reality that no such thing exists. (Jim Stroup has an excellent discussion on this that started June 8 at Managing Leadership. I highly recommend it.)

Replacing these, everybody would

• learn leadership skills;

• apply them constantly to themselves; and

• occasionally in the outside world as circumstances dictated;

• take responsibility for their own actions and decisions; and

• partner with others as equals, whether one was in front or behind at any given time.

Not that I think there’s a chance in hell that this will happen, but it’s a nice thought on a beautiful summer Friday.

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There are many lessons to be learned from the current economic crisis, but one of the most important is that we the people should stop following and start leading ourselves.

In other words, we each need to take responsibility for our own actions and think critically about the words and actions of those in positional leadership roles.

In business, we need to rid ourselves of the idea that positional leaders don’t need management skills or that managers don’t lead.

Jim Stroup points out in numerous posts that “No one has proven that leadership is different from management, much less that it is a characteristic inherent in individuals independently of the context in which those individuals operate, one that they carry with them from one organization to another and which they then instill into groups otherwise bereft of it.”

We need to stop defining leaders based on their vision and skill at influencing people to follow them.

A comment left on a Washington Post column by Steve Pearlstein regarding the leadership failure that led to the current economic crisis neatly sums up the problem with that definition.

“What a great summary of the economic problem. However this was not a lack of leadership. Defining leadership as influencing people to move in a specific direction, the financial and economic elite successfully led the country into the economic disaster. The problem was a lack of management that failed to identify the signs of the pending disaster.”

Mike Chitty’s team approach is an unlikely solution since you can’t mandate that whichever [leader or manager] is superior will listen to or act on the ideas of the subordinate, while making them equals is rarely successful.

We need to lead ourselves and stop waiting for someone else to show us how, tell us why or lead our actions. 99% of us know what’s good—not just for ourselves, but for the world.

We especially need to stop

• putting ideology ahead of success;
• avoiding accountability by citing all those whose lead we followed;
• excusing our own unethical behavior on the basis that others do the same thing; or
• believing that [whatever] is OK, because our religion forgives our actions.

Everyone cleaning up their own back yard will alleviate a large part of the problem, and then we can work together for the good of everyone, not just “people like us.”

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Three great interviews on tap today with lots to learn.Unfortunately, I couldn’t get the embed code to work for either video (the Washington Post and McKinsey may need lessons from YouTube:), but they’re both worth clicking over to watch.

First up is Anne Mulcahy, chairwoman and chief executive of Xerox Corporation, a company that she took over on the brink of extinction and turned around. “In 2002 this company lost almost $300 million, and by 2006 we were making over $1 billion.” Now that’s a turn around!

When asked what the secret was, Mulcahy said, “It isn’t a secret sauce. It’s actually fundamental communications, in terms of your ability to really get out there and be with your people, tell a story. People really have to begin to believe in a story to get passionate about the direction the company is going in, which hopefully you’ve been able to do through the way you articulate it, simplifying the complex so that people can get their arms around it and see how they can make a difference. There’s nothing quite as powerful as people feeling they can have impact and make a difference. When you’ve got that going for you, I think it’s a very powerful way to implement change.”

Next is a video interview with John Chambers of Cisco Systems. The dot com bomb blasted Cisco and Chambers brought it back. In the interview Chambers talks about managing in this downturn, how collaboration is the next phase of management style, change, and identifying market transitions. He also discusses how business leaders need to “earn back” public trust, how he is adapting the company and why he’s “far from a perfect leader.”

Finally is a great McKinsey print and video interview with venture philanthropist Jacqueline Novogratz.

“As a venture philanthropist, Acumen Fund’s Jacqueline Novogratz leads entrepreneurial projects across the globe—many of which put women at the helm of emerging local businesses. In this video interview, she discusses her experience developing other women leaders, the way they have shaped her own approach to leadership, and the different leadership cultures she sees at play in the public and private sectors.”

Fabulous. Do click over to see the video and read the print part, also.

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It’s always your choice!

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I am revolted by the lack of respect shown by so many of our Congressional (so-called) leaders.

Warning: If you don’t like rants feel free to navigate to a different (brilliant) post on this blog, because what follows is definitely a rant—in spite of the lack of excessive profanity and personal attacks.

I prefer to read the full text reprints of items such as Obama’s State of the Union speech because of my hearing, so, thankfully, I didn’t witness the disgusting performance of our sworn ‘leaders’ who chose to text and tweet throughout Obama’s speech.

And my anger has nothing to do with Obama. I really don’t give a damn who holds that office, the office itself deserves respect, whether I voted for the holder or not (and I did). I would feel the same way if it had been Bush, Clinton or any of the other 40 warm bodies who have sat in the Oval Office.

What the hell is going on here and around the globe? The world has gone meme and it’s not just the kids.

Granted, I don’t tweet, but I’m sure there is actually useful information being passed around beyond ‘I’m going upstairs to the bathroom now’.

There doesn’t even seem to be responsibility for tweets—blame it on a staffer or pull everything.

Texas Rep. Joe Barton’s page read “Aggie basketball game is about to start on espn2 for those of you that aren’t going to bother watching pelosi smirk for the next hour,”…Minutes later, that message disappeared, replaced with the disclaimer: “Disregard that last tweet from a staffer.” That note was also deleted after several minutes.”

Silly me, I’m such an innocent I thought people actually did their own tweeting, instead of paying someone. (Note to self, talk to marketing guy about tweeting for me.)

We grouse about Gen Y being disrespectful and rude, unlike their elders. Well, it looks as if their elders are catching down.

Maybe I can hitch a ride to a galaxy far, far away.

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Today is the story of why it is better to ask than assume and how a so-called follower can lead. It all started with Denis’ post December 31 describing what was happening in his company.

“I do not trust the developers I work with to do the right thing,… I used to be able to trust people in the team to correct me and help me get better … Work is a lot less enjoyable when that trust is gone.”

Denis is a reader and we’ve gotten to know each other over the last year, so I asked what happened.

“Let me see management changed, over committed failed to motivate people. The more experienced and talented members of the team left which provided less structure and safe guards. Now as we know unmotivated people don’t give their best. They do just enough to satisfy their management.”

I asked for more details and our conversation moved to email over the next week and have Denis’ permission to share them.

Over the next week three were additional management changes and Denis didn’t sound hopeful about how things were likely to work out. There was a 9% company-wide staff reduction; Denis and three other people became the basis for a new team and its management was taken over by the group that was actually funding the project.

“My impression is that the manager who we report into now was forced to take our project by his business sponsors. The manager himself has a decent reputation though and is in the process of hiring someone to put between him and us.”

Regarding the culture,

“The company thinks of it has a consensus culture. In reality it is a company that works on loyalty networks and temporary alliances among peers.”

As you may have guessed, none of this was exactly a moral booster; in fact, you might call it management by rumor with the assumptions generally falling on the negative side.

Typically, when stuff like this is happening, people’s reaction is to hunker down and polish their resumes, but, in spite of his assumptions, Denis took a chance with a more direct approach that yielded extremely positive results.

“The meeting was triggered by an email I sent expressing interest in him explaining his vision and how we fit in it. I was requesting a one on one but he made the meeting for the whole team. He took 1h 45 minutes of his time to talk when 1h was planned. And he mentioned we will do a social event for the whole group so we get to meet everyone.

So far he is the most competent manager I have met in this company. My direct manager has not joined the group yet but I hear good things about him so there is hope.”

We’ll never know what would have happened if Denis hadn’t sent the email; if the manager is as good as he seems to be he probably would have done the same thing, but maybe not quite as soon and likely with much more damage.

There are at least three important lessons to be learned

• Management must become as competent at communicating bad news as it is at communicating good.

• Remember that the result of no communications is a rumor-ravaged workforce and that once started rumors never go away.

• There are better ways for workers to handle difficult situations than to hunker down or just sit and wait; they can take the initiative and ask for information; most managers will appreciate the request.

What else can be learned from this?

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About two-thirds of the way through a January 7th CNBC interview with President Barack Obama when the conversation turned to his Blackberry, Obama talked about his reasons for wanting to keep it, even in the face of vehement opposition. (The bolding is mine.)

“What it has to do with is having mechanisms where you are interacting with people who are outside of the White House in a meaningful way. And I’ve got to look for every opportunity to do that–ways that aren’t scripted, ways that aren’t controlled, ways where, you know, people aren’t just complimenting you or standing up when you enter into a room, ways of staying grounded.”

That bubble and associated danger, is what every boss, from the CEO of a Fortune 50 to small business owners, face every day.

The danger is real and comes from hearing only what a small group of people wants you to hear; all the news that fits the generally accepted world view and nothing that will upset their applecarts or you (in that order).

Technology can help, but it can also be a way to avoid interacting in a more personal manner. After all, it’s doubtful that you’re trying to stay connected to millions.

Where you can, you want to practice management by walking around, not just internally, but out with your customers and vendors.

When you can’t do it in person, use technology for town hall meetings; use wikis, blogs, and forums, too. Sharing your email address and encouraging contact can be very positive, but it’s worse than nothing if you don’t respond in a timely manner.

So make a list of possibilities and prioritize them.

But first things first—think through your circumstances in order to determine not just what you can afford financially, but in terms of time and energy—yours.

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