Ducks In A Row: Cut Them Some Slack
by Miki Saxon
Yesterday I shared emails from a reader who, at the end of the day, realized that he was over-reacting, his boss was insanely busy and nothing was wrong.
Today I want to share another story with you, only this one happened shortly after I entered the workforce.
There were seven of us in the office, everyone pulled their weight and we were a very congenial group often going out together for lunch or a drink after work.
One day “Jenny” didn’t come in and the next day she was late. Over the next few months she became cranky and very touchy. Her work slipped and the rest of us found ourselves picking up the slack. People started grumbling and, as they always do, the grumbles got back to our boss.
Fortunately, we had a very smart, proactive boss. He called a brief meeting on a morning that Jenny was absent and explained to us that her mother had been diagnosed with cancer; she was getting treatment, but in the meantime Jenny had to fill in for her.
We all knew that Jen had two younger sisters and that her dad had been out of the picture for years, so suddenly the dark circles, grouchiness, and missed days all started making sense. He told us that Jenny hadn’t said anything because she wasn’t looking for pity and the best thing we could do was to wait until she told us herself. In the meantime, he would appreciate it if we would desist from the grumbling and not-so-subtle comments.
That episode taught me a great lesson.
From then on, when someone didn’t do as expected or let me down in some way, my memory would flash to Jenny and I would take a deep breath and stomp on my reaction, because I didn’t know what was going on in their world.
I’d love to say that I always did this, but that would be a lie. But the older I got the more successful I was and I never regretted it. If the behavior continued I look for reasons and more often than not I found them.
Sure, there were times nothing was wrong and the person was just taking advantage of me and others, but more often they were under the gun, whether a derringer or a bazooka, and I was glad I didn’t make it worse.
So the next time someone lets you down, think about Jenny and cut them some slack; you’ll be glad you did.
Your comments—priceless
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Image credit: ZedBee|Zoë Power on flickr
October 13th, 2009 at 8:22 am
This is a great post, Miki. It is easy to judge others for their behavior or perceived faults but not easy at all to give grace and consideration. This is a timely reminder for me. .Thank you for bringing it to life with your personal story
October 13th, 2009 at 9:54 am
As a boss, how would you respond to that today when companies are not supposed to talk about personal issues of the people that work for them?
October 13th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Years ago, when I was running sales service centers, I got some great advice from Annie, who was, by an order of magnitude, the best processor I had. She continually reminded me and the rest of us that when we picked up the phone to talk to a rep, we had no idea what had just happened in his life. He might be angry or happy or distraught over something that wasn’t even related to business and it would affect how he reacted to us.
October 13th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Hi Becky, glad it’s of use, it is a great lesson to learn and the earlier the better.
October 13th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
You’re right, Susan, it does have to be handled differently today.
A client faced that situation recently and here is the solution we developed. We created an email called “Living with each other” and essentially used what happened to me along with several other generic examples and described why people should cut each other some slack by reminding them that they never knew what difficulties people were facing or even, as Wally points out in his comment, what had just happened five minutes before.
He told them to think about the last time they had faced significant problems and still had to come to work and carry on. He focused on how much easier it would have been to do if instead of grumbling their colleagues had lightened up and been supportive. He finished by saying that everyone had days like that during their careers and it was the support they received that set their organization apart from other workplaces.
I’m happy to say that it worked on about 97% of the organization and that peer pressure worked on the other 3%.
October 13th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Hi Wally, people go their whole lives and don’t learn that lesson! Annie was a genius and I’m willing to bet that having her made your work a whole lot easier—of course, you had to be savvy enough to listen to her:)
October 18th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
[…] Saxon has my favorite article of the week, Ducks in a Row: Cut Them Some Slack, offering a powerful lesson we all can learn from: But the older I got the more successful I was […]
October 19th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
[…] Saxon has my favorite article of the week, Ducks in a Row: Cut Them Some Slack, offering a powerful lesson we all can learn from: But the older I got the more successful I was […]