Poking through 12+ years of posts I find information that’s as useful now as when it was written.

Golden Oldies is a collection of the most relevant and timeless posts during that time.

Ryan’s post a couple of weeks ago reminded me of something I’ve wrote a long time ago.

The sum of it was not that great but in the moment it was contentious. Emails and gnashing of teeth on both sides. In that moment I was angry, but I chose to wait to respond.

My solution? Sleep.

Good solution, but when you’re a boss and something happens that makes you angry you usually can’t wait until the next day to deal with it.

So what do you do? Here’s a solution from the 1970s (and before). It worked then, it works now and it will work in the future.

Read other Golden Oldies here.

How angry do you become when you ask your team or colleague for X and get X — 4, or X + 1. or even Y? How often have you lost, or almost lost it, because of the response you received during a meeting?

What is the only perfect response you can make when something happens and you’re ready to blow your top?

You’ve heard the answer all your life—when you’re angry, shut up/stay quiet/ don’t say anything; don’t “look” anything, either, until you’ve calmed down. Smart advice, but hard to follow.

Many managers don’t even realize when they go into “screaming mode,” because they don’t actually scream—they drip sarcasm, leak contempt, stream scorn or fire off zingers; they belittle and role their eyes. Most don’t realize the long-term damage that they do to their people; others just don’t care—their attitude is that stuff happens, get over it!

What neither type seems to realize is that, over time, one of three things happen,

• people grow inured to their tantrums,
• are damaged by them (people do stay in abusive relationships),
• or leave the company.

To change this,

• you must first acknowledge to yourself that you do it and that you want to change it; then
• whenever you feel yourself getting angry smile, nod and leave by saying that you have to make a call, use the bathroom, whatever innocuous excuse best fits the situation;
• go somewhere private, blow off steam if necessary, but calm down;
• schedule a time to resume the discussion; then
• simulate the least amount of anger (if any) needed to get your point across.

It’ll take people time to trust the “new” you, but it’s worth it. In the office, it will pay off in higher productivity and less turnover. You and your people will suffer less from stress, and you, personally, will have more energy, enjoy higher quality sleep, and see improvement in all your relationships

Image credit: istolethetv

I e-met Ryan through business dealings that led to several long, intelligent, wide-ranging conversations. I found Ryan thoughtful, knowledgeable, and wonderfully verbal. I asked him if he would be interested in writing a weekly post and, happily, he said yes.

I think you will find his views interesting; he is a Millennial, relatively new dad, works in a MedTech cyber startup and has a good sense of humor (and probably needs it.)

Ryan just came back from a holiday vacation in Canada and sent this picture.

When I asked if he skied, he replied, “Hey, I live in Florida. I don’t ski, I just stood next to the mountain, but never went up. lol”

So enough of me, here’s Ryan.

When I was asked to write the first thing that came to mind was why?

By that I mean I wanted to understand the why behind both this blog and Miki’s request for me to participate. I will keep that question in mind throughout my writings and look forward to this as an opportunity to learn.

I am approaching this as a platform for me to learn and hopefully convey some of my findings to you. My posts will focus on culture and values both from a personal perspective but more broadly from an organizational perspective. Now this is a topic that is covered far and wide so why bother? Because at the bedrock of it all, culture will make or break an organization.

Have you ever seen a group of people who one day have a different outcome from previous ones? Maybe they have a different leader, new goals or something else. I can guarantee that culture is somewhere to be found in there. Good or bad culture will have an impact in the long term.

I did not always believe this, but went through personal experiences that taught me otherwise. I hope to share some of those experiences along our journey together, as well as learn from others who have built successful organizations.

What is my background? I have had a varied life up till now and hope to continue upon that trajectory moving forward. I served several years as a United States Marine, I have worked in sales management in a fortune 50 company, tried my hand at a startup in college and currently work for a successful SaaS startup in Florida. I have used all of these experiences and more to forge a foundation for what makes success and will continue upon that path moving forward.

I look forward to your joining me on that path and sharing your experiences when moved to do so.