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Ryan’s Journal: Sleep Training and the Company Culture

Thursday, July 19th, 2018

https://www.flickr.com/photos/therapycatguardian/2791514002/

 

I have a one year old daughter who is delightful, spunky and generally pretty happy. She is also accustomed to a certain standard of living that my wife and I are now trying to change.

Specifically, that standard of living is sleeping in our bed each night. With all of our children we start the first year in our room with a bassinet that is next to our bed. It allows for us to tend to them while keeping them safe and secure as well.

With our twins the system worked where we would feed them through the night, rock them and set them back in the bassinet for more dreamland.

The process started the same for our latest but over time she resisted going to her bassinet and decided she wanted to sleep in our bed. Now my wife and I are of course exhausted and we love her so what’s the harm if she starts sharing the covers?

You would be amazed how much room a 10 month old will take up, they love to stretch and kick and pull hair. They also prevent sound sleep for the parents while doing that.

The time has come that our little lady needs to go to her own room to sleep and this leads us to our current stage of sleep training.

I am not always the best husband, but I will tell you this, if you do not get up when your partner does to tend to baby, you’re wrong. And it lead me to thinking about how this applies to work.

When there are challenges at work or time sensitive events does everyone pitch in or is it a one person show? These moments in time where a lot is on the line tend to show the true colors of your team. When stress hits it’s easy to hide or get away and is tough to stand and face the challenge head on.

How do you react when times are tough? I try to look at each event and learn. Sometimes I make a good decision and sometimes I have an opportunity to improve. However I keep the mindset of always improving to ensure that I don’t crest habits that will lead to negative outcomes.

I am happy to say the culture in my household is generally happy, with the occasional cross word said in the middle of the night

I am making it a point to have that same culture at work, too.

Image credit: Jennifer Gensch

Emotional Contagion

Monday, March 9th, 2015

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Few question the idea of emotional contagion.

It’s not a problem when the mood is upbeat, but what to do when it’s not fills volumes.

I found a way to short-circuit ‘emotional contagion’ decades before was named, defined and discussed.

I learned about it in my early twenties in a book by Napoleon Hill and it’s since been reiterated by others in various forms.

I’ve used and shared with clients and it rarely fails when done whole-heartedly and not just with lip service.

“Act enthusiastic and you will become enthusiastic.”

Sounds simplistic, but simple is often best — because this isn’t about finding the cause of your negativity, but preempting the contagion.

Accomplishing that means you need to stay aware of your own mood.

Long ago I realized that judging my mood based on its effect was a bad idea—by the time I had the feedback the damage was done.

After a lot of trial and error I found the easiest and most accurate method my mood early was to stay conscious of my facial muscles, wrinkled brow, smile, frown, etc., because my muscles react long before I’m aware of the mood that is affecting them.

I’m not sure why it took me so long to realize that, except that the obvious often zips right by us.

Image credit: ganeshaisis

Subtle or Obvious, Negativity is a Negative Force

Monday, July 7th, 2014

pity-partyFive years ago I told you how reading a story by Trevor Blake in Inc led me to terminate a 10+ year “friendship” because of the constant negativity.

Even worse, being exposed to too much complaining can actually make you dumb. Research shows that exposure to 30 minutes or more of negativity–including viewing such material on TV–actually peels away neurons in the brain’s hippocampus.  “Typically, people who are complaining don’t want a solution; they just want you to join in the indignity of the whole thing. You can almost hear brains clink when six people get together and start saying, ‘Isn’t it terrible?’ This will damage your brain even if you’re just passively listening. And if you try to change their behavior, you’ll become the target of the complaint.” the part of your brain you need for problem solving,” he says. “Basically, it turns your brain to mush.”

I recently terminated another long-term friendship for the same reason.

In the original post I ended by saying, “…I’d done the right thing in severing the relationship—even though I did it years later than I should have.”

Obviously I didn’t learn the first time or I wouldn’t have waited so long.

There’s an old saying, “the first time you [whatever] is experience; the second time it’s a mistake, but the third time it’s stupidity.”

I had the experience; now I’ve made the mistake.

Hopefully I won’t hit stupidity any time soon (or later).

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Your Brain When They Complain

Wednesday, August 22nd, 2012

www.flickr.com/photos/foxtongue/2664334801/I met “Sue” (not her real name) in the late 1990s when I lived in San Francisco and we were friends for more than a decade.

Perhaps I should say that she considered me her best friend, “like a sister,” while I considered her more of a long-term acquaintance.

Why the difference?

Because while I listened to her difficulties, offered support and advice when requested there was little reciprocation and less empathy coming my way.

What escalated over the years were the complaints.

Complaints about people, situations, problems; many were real, while some were self-made—the result of her own actions.

She had no interest in brainstorming solutions, didn’t bother sharing the positive things that did happen and when I mentioned them she would rant on that they were too little and cite every negative about them.

As the complaining increased my desire to interact decreased.

When she questioned my withdrawal I told her that I had enough challenges in my own life and her negativity was exacerbating them she accused me of not caring or making any effort to understand what she was going through.

Knowing the challenges and real horrors Sue has overcome in her life I have enormous respect for her, but that didn’t outweigh my desire to eliminate the negativity from my life and earlier this year I severed connections with her.

All this flashed in my mind as I read an article by Trevor Blake in Inc.

Even worse, being exposed to too much complaining can actually make you dumb. Research shows that exposure to 30 minutes or more of negativity–including viewing such material on TV–actually peels away neurons in the brain’s hippocampus.  “Typically, people who are complaining don’t want a solution; they just want you to join in the indignity of the whole thing. You can almost hear brains clink when six people get together and start saying, ‘Isn’t it terrible?’ This will damage your brain even if you’re just passively listening. And if you try to change their behavior, you’ll become the target of the complaint.” the part of your brain you need for problem solving,” he says. “Basically, it turns your brain to mush.”

It confirmed all my gut reactions, the mental effects I felt and that I’d done the right thing in severing the relationship—even though I did it years later than I should have.

Read the article (it’s short) and then apply as needed—you will be amazed at the quality-of-life difference it will make.

Flickr image credit: foxtongue

Ducks in a Row: Motivating Your People

Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

It’s always surprising how often different sources address the same problems offering similar solutions, but in such different ways that at first glance you wouldn’t notice.

Within days of each other, both Fortune/CNN and BNET offered up good information on employee motivation. Fortune/CNN article was science-based, while BNET was experience-based, with a leavening of humor.

They both said essentially the same thing with one exception, which I’ll get to in a minute.

Motivating employees means providing real purpose in their work; it requires challenging them and encouraging them to learn and grow; and it requires clear communications, including well-defined plans, roles and responsibilities.

Pretty standard stuff.

Now for the exception; the science offered up a new twist that just might help your implementation.

Removing obstacles is not the flip side of providing purpose, challenge and clear communications.

In other words, this is not one of those times that removing the negative means the positive will automatically rush in to fill the void or vice versa, that having the positives will overcome the negatives.

In this case you need to address the two as totally separate subjects.

First, remove any obvious negatives.

Next, start implementing the positives.

Third, be on the lookout for new obstacles.

Fourth, and most important, be sure that you on the side of the angels and not one of the obstacles.

Flickr image credit: zedbee

We, the People, Must Take Responsibility…

Friday, July 23rd, 2010

negativityHow can a week of discussion focused on ethics and cheating not touch on politics? Especially when it’s that time of year and media is filling the air with conversation, clamor and rants by and about those running for public office.

It’s a frustrating time for those who don’t blindly vote an ideological ticket; frustrating because most campaigning is focused on trashing the opponent as opposed to anything constructive.

I listen to people complain about the negativity when it’s aimed at their candidate, while sagely nodding at its appropriateness when coming from their side.

I listen to the rants against incumbents, but hear little about what should be done, other than ideological platitudes.

They all talk of the importance of leadership, while demonstrating none.

In a post a couple of years ago I wrote, “Sadly, the oxymoronic coupling of ‘leader’ and ‘politician’ usually is just plain moronic.”

Proof of that is showcased in an analysis of how Rod Blagojevich got elected.

How did we, the people, end up with this mess?

It can’t just be blamed on Obama or even on Bush—it’s been developing for more than seven decades.

It stems from our collective MAP and the arrogant world-view we developed after WWII; the abandonment of our melting pot roots; the entitled mindset that taught generations of Americans to covet and indulge in unsustainable lifestyles and, more recently, the replacement of thought by ideology.

How can we, the people, clean it up? How can we find more statesmen and fewer politicians?

Flickr image credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/quinnanya/2244832648/

Watch Out for Emotional Contagion

Friday, February 5th, 2010

emotional-contagionWhether you are a in a position of leadership, one of the go-to people on your team or on the lowest rung of the ladder you need to know about emotional contagion and how your moods affect those around you.

Although much of the research has focused on bosses, everybody is a carrier and anyone can ignite an epidemic.

There is documented evidence for what all of us who have been exposed to “glass half empty” people already know—negative emotions can bring a group down faster than bad ventilation during flu season, whereas a sunny outlook can lift us beyond what is reasonable.

Yes, it’s difficult to be upbeat when you walk out of a meeting with an enraged client, or a design review for a project about to go over budget or a difficult conversation, but if you don’t you’ll bring down those around you and that can blow off an entire day, week or even longer.

For decades, I’ve used a simple approach learned from a book by Napoleon Hill and reiterated by others in various forms.

“Act enthusiastic and you will become enthusiastic.”

Sounds simplistic, but often simple is best—you’re not trying to solve the cause, but to mitigate the effect.

That means you need to stay aware of your own mood.

Long ago I realized that judging my mood based on its effect was a bad idea—by the time I had the feedback the damage was done.

After a lot of trial and error the easiest and most accurate method I’ve found of catching my mood early is to stay conscious of my facial muscles, wrinkled brow, smile, frown, etc., because my muscles react long before I’m aware of the mood that is affecting them.

I’m not sure why it took me so long to realize that, except that the obvious often zips right by us.

Image credit: alasis on flickr

You And The Two Kirks

Monday, August 24th, 2009

In a classic episode of the original Star Trek, Capt. Kirk is split, so there are two Kirks, one good and the other dark.

It’s not a new idea, Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde predate it by decades, but it  struck much closer to home because both Kirks were identical and, in an interesting and realistic twist, neither functioned well without the other half.

And that is a lesson well worth learning.

There are many people out there who only present one side, spending enormous effort to submerge or mask the other.

Some want to be know for their positive MAP (mindset, attitude, philosophy™), for always being up, supportive, giving, etc. and they believe that any form of negativity will spoil the image. The problem is that that image doesn’t always ring true and you may come over as a phony; I’ve seen this happen even when the MAP was real.

Others hide their positive side for fear they will be used or taken advantage of in some way.

Real people are a mix of positive and negative, the two complementing each other and in some strange form of alchemy producing a better person than either does separately—which was Star Treck’s well-made point.

All of you has value, so you should use all of you for the good of your team and to accomplish your goals. Even your not-so-nice side can contribute positively if you control it and use it sparingly in the appropriate places.

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Just nine more day to enter the contest running on Leadership Turn, so click over and share your favorite business OMG moments for the chance to win a copy of Jason Jenning’s Hit The Ground Running.

Image credit: ilco on flickr here and here.

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