Did you know that there is no “real” reality?

That’s because the reality we each live in is perceived through our own MAP and that perception is reality.

We filter our mental, emotional and physical surroundings through our MAP and, like snowflakes, no two people have identical MAP, so no two people perceive identically.

I can’t live in your mind any more than you can live in mine, so no matter how close our worldviews seem, they will never be identical.

Does perception influence corporate culture? Absolutely.

Look at Google, since it’s one of the most discussed corporate cultures it’s easy to compare perceptions. Outsiders usually mention the stock options, food, concierge services and in-house massages first, while insiders hottest buttons are the 20% time to work on their own ideas, how well they are heard, opportunity to make a difference, and respect shown at all levels.

Consider the manager, whether CEO or team leader, who describes his organization’s culture as flexible, open, fair and motivated, while the workers see it as inflexible and regimented.

Aside from bosses who don’t walk their talk, the difference is often perception, i.e., what is a tight ship to the manager is micromanaging to the staff.

Although culture is a product of MAP, everyone needs to be on the same page. That requires the culture-setters/enablers to listen to the perceptions of all those in their organization—especially when what they hear is uncomfortable.

Once heard, they need to act; they need to do what it takes so their people’s cultural perception is the same as their cultural vision.

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Over the years I have spent countless content inches advising that all efforts stem from MAP, and just how critical it is for you to know your own.

I’ve also said that it is MAP that enables or prevents people from implementing what they learn and the advice they receive, no matter the source; I’ve talked about the advantages of managing MAP or actively changing it .

And over the years I’ve received the occasional email and phone call explaining to me why I’m full of it and my MAP approach is garbage—only in more robust terms.

So imagine my delight when I read What’s The Most Difficult CEO Skill? Managing Your Own Psychology by Ben Horowitz, general partner at VC firm Andreessen Horowitz.

It’s a great read about a subject that is typically taboo, but one that impacts most people, even though they aren’t CEOs.

The great advantage most of us have is there’s always someone to blame, whether at work or in our personal life, by saying ‘I did my part’.

Instead, tweak Horowitz’s four points to calm and focus yourself

• Make some friends -There is much talk today about “building community;” people have hundreds, if not thousands, of “friends,” but social networks don’t lend themselves to serious discussions and advice about actions needed or mental anguish calmed.
• Get it out of your head and onto paper – I’ve always been a big promoter of writing it down and divorcing it from your psyche. Writing it down is a kind of personal Sunshine Law that helps you to see things much more clearly.
• Focus on the road not the wall – For better or worse we all follow our thoughts; focus on the path to your destination and you’ll get there—focus on the roadblocks and you’ll hit them.
• Don’t quit! When you are tired and hurting it’s so much easier to reduce the goal or just plain give up, but doing so will come back and bite you faster and harder than doing the best you can—even if you fall a bit short.

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Most people are familiar with the Golden Rule—do unto others as you would have them do unto you—but there should be a corollary—do unto to yourself as you do unto others.

It’s called self-compassion, as opposed to self-indulgent.

People who find it easy to be supportive and understanding to others, it turns out, often score surprisingly low on self-compassion tests, berating themselves for perceived failures… People who score high on tests of self-compassion have less depression and anxiety, and tend to be happier and more optimistic.

Compassion: a feeling of deep sympathy

Indulgent: benignly lenient or permissive

It seems that some people don’t apply compassion to themselves in fear of it morphing into indulgence.

Does this describe you or someone you know?

If yes, what can you do?

My own observations tell me that self-indulgent people rarely show compassion, so the fear doesn’t make much sense.

I found the article especially interesting, because I’m often guilty of beating myself up and I could use more self-compassion. I do fine on the big things, but the small stuff not so much.

I believe that self-compassion is part of MAP (mindset, attitude, philosophy™), so what I needed to do was change mine and being me I wanted a simple and as easy as possible way to do it—and I think found it.

How? By thinking of myself in third person—not ‘me’, but ‘she’.

I had a great chance to try the approach out yesterday.

I was moving something, knocked over a favorite plant and more than half broke off.

My immediate reaction was to tear into myself, but I stopped and instead thought what I would say to a guest who did the same thing—which would have been along the lines of “not a big deal; don’t worry about it; it will grow back.”

So that is what I said to me.

And you know what?

It worked.

Now I just need to do it every time and make it a habit.

Why not give it a try? You’ll be surprised at the difference it makes.

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The research findings of Frederick Reichheld, founder of Bain & Company’s Loyalty Practice and author of Loyalty Rules! and other loyalty books, showed that a 5% improvement in employee retention translates to a 25%-100% gain in earnings.

For decades I’ve said that people who join a company for money will leave for more money, but those who join for the culture will usually stay as long as the culture is synergistic with their own values.

So when you set out to build a great working environment which comes first, culture or communication?

It’s a good question; one that seems similar to the chicken and the egg.

Without a culture that insists on, and supports, open, honest, complete communication it’s unlikely that people will indulge in it, but it takes that kind of communication to create and implement that kind of culture.

Which really comes first, culture or communications—or is it a conundrum? For that matter, who cares?

The answer is neither.

What does come first is the founder/CEO/department head/etc’s MAP (mindset, attitude, philosophy™). Because it’s what’s in your head that sets the culture and defines the kind of communications the your organization will have.

The way you communicate is a mindset, grounded in your attitude towards others, which, in turn, is based on your personal philosophy.

MAP is learned, not innate, it changes, either passively, through the influence of those around you, or dynamically, in ways that you consciously choose.

Good MAP, like good culture, is (in no particular order) authentic, positive, open, flexible, honest, secure,  interested, enthusiastic, patient, sincere, trusting, encouraging, caring and loves creativity (its own or others).

MAP is everywhere and affects everything—which is why salespeople who understand their customers’ MAP sell more.

Managers are more successful when they understand their people’s MAP.

It’s to your advantage to understand your colleagues’ MAP, no matter your position or theirs.

Managers and candidates should understand each others’ MAP to be sure, at the least, they are synergistic.

While understanding other people’s MAP is important, it is absolutely vital is to understand your own.

Not only understand, but accept that while you can change your own MAP you cannot change theirs.

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Monday I wrote how people’s short attention span and memory plus general apathy enable the Teflonizing of brands that screw up, so that nothing sticks.

This is just as true of all the personal brands jousting for space on the planet.

Coincidentally to my plan for today’s post, Phil Gerbyshak Had a guest post Wednesday by Sally Hogshead, author of Fascinate, called Powerdrunks: How They Got That Way, and Why You Might Become One.

Sally’s explanation on what drives a power trip makes additional comments superfluous, so read that post before continuing with this one.

Sally gives good advice on how to stop yourself from becoming powerdrunk, but what of all those who are not only powerdrunk, but Teflon-coated?

Think Bob Nardelli, John Thain, others on this list, the jerk in the next cubicle who was fired only to surface at the cool company down the street or any politician/any party.

How do they do it? How, no matter what, do they come up smelling like a rose in another position of power?

Like companies, they take advantage of spin, but rely mostly on charm, too many managers’ intense dislike of the interviewing process, including on senior levels where, it is assumed, the recruiter has done most of the work, and selective hearing when checking references.

Teflon goes on layer by layer each time there are no consequences for the actions; most people function on the what you see is what you get, so eventually invincibility sets in and the whole Teflon process becomes self-fulfilling prophesy.

But what can you do when the decisions aren’t yours?

You can actively remember; actively means reminding others even when they don’t want to hear it. You can learn to be honest and still legal when giving a reference. You can care about those around you and protect them from powerdrunks. And if they are politicians don’t vote for them and don’t allow them to hide behind their ideology—even when it’s yours, too.

In other words, change your MAP, since you can’t change theirs.

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It’s not just companies, these days branding is applicable on a personal level as never before, whether you are a rock star, a rock star CEO or a wannabe; a college student, new grad or a working stiff trying to improve your lot; everything is about “the brand.”

Steve Roesler at All Things Workplace has a good post on the value of first impressions, since research has shown that there may be a second chance.

Part of branding is the impression you make, so I thought I would share a multi-decade observation on the subject that applies to everything—interviewing, public speaking, personal relationships—the entire spectrum of human interaction. It is neither good nor bad, merely human.

First impressions are generally based on personal prejudices and chemistry.

I’ve found the former can change from negative to positive based on further interaction, but that chemistry only changes from positive to negative.

For example, years ago I spoke at the Commonwealth Club in San Francisco; afterwards a woman thanked me and told me that based on my appearance she almost left. (I am nearly six feet tall and although not model thin I wasn’t plus-size, either.) She assumed that I would have nothing intelligent to say on the subject based on my size, but instead found my material valuable and my presentation excellent. Obviously, I had crossed several of her visual prejudices.

Chemistry, however, is entirely different.

Chemistry is not grounded in anything rational, not even personal prejudices, nor is it irrational—it just is.

Think about it; you meet someone and have an instant positive reaction to the person for absolutely no reason you can figure out.

It isn’t sexual attraction, since the person can be of either gender; it’s a psychological reaction along the lines of I want to know that person better and then acting on the desire because the chemistry is so strong.

When the chemistry is mutual, you experience that heady feeling of instant connection, whereas with bad chemistry people can’t even hear each other. However, positive chemistry can change the minute the other person opens her mouth and every thought and word turns sours your initial reaction.

As your own brand manager, here are your three critical take-aways:

• First impressions do count and shouldn’t be neglected on the assumption that you can change them later because you suddenly decide it’s worth the effort;
• chemistry is chemistry and outside of your control; and, most important of all,
• don’t hide behind chemistry and use it as a rationalization for not putting out first impression effort.

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After Monday’s post I had several emails and calls wondering if the ROI for seeing the ‘whole’ was really worth the effort considering the frequency of switching jobs and even industries, not to mention the speed at which everything changed. One caller said he was exhausted just thinking about it. (He was being factious—I hope.)

So on this Friday, before you grab the beer to celebrate your freedom, let’s consider the ‘whole’ in terms of WIIFY (what’s in it for you).

The short answer is that wrapping your mind around the whole is the difference between being considered ‘good’, ‘OK’ and ‘competent’ vs. having adjectives such as ‘great’, ‘brilliant’ and ‘world-class’ attached to your name.

And making the effort to be a ‘whole’ person provides a major benefit for you, personally by reducing—even eliminating—boredom.

Even a constantly challenging job can become routine; the two things that keep it interesting are people, who are ever-changing, and the intricacies of understanding your and the job’s impact on surrounding people and tasks and how it fits into and impacts the whole.

It’s similar to enjoying a baseball game; if you think the most fascinating position is pitcher and that’s the only player you watch, you’ll miss a lot of the action. In fact, you’ll probably miss many of the game-changing plays.

You’ll actually find a lyric harmony in the ‘whole’ and will be much quicker to notice any discordant notes giving you a decided edge within your current company as well as a more accurate assessment of what is really going on.

Mixing metaphors is not good writing, but this kind of holistic, or perhaps I should say ‘wholistic’ approach will be far more accurate in predicting whether you should fish or cut bait.

How’s that for good WIIFY?

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Who do kids follow?

For the last several decades study after study have shown that kids pay more attention to the opinions of their peers than their parents.

More and more they take information and process it on their own.

Sure, their opinions are colored by the MAP (mindset, attitude, philosophy™) of those who raised them, but not necessarily to copy them—sometimes they take the exact opposite position.

When it comes to working there is a belief that Millennials are different from all previous generations.

It’s not so much that what they want in their workplace is different from Boomers and Gen X; it’s that Millennials are more articulate in explaining it, more demanding in receiving it and faster to move if they don’t get it.

Last year I coined a new term, aMillennial, referring to someone who was chronologically of that generation, but without the entitled mentality—it’s the entitlement that irks most people.

In a recent survey new grads talked about staying in their company for 8.9 years, but HR assumes they will leave.

Razor Suleman, the 35-year-old CEO and founder of I Love Rewards, notes that U.S. Department of Labor statistics say most millennials will have 10 jobs by the time they’re 38.

“HR managers turn that around and say. . . . ‘That’s what they’re like,’ ” as if the employees only planned to stay for that long, said Suleman. “They don’t sort of turn it around and say, ‘Hey, wait a second, they wanted to stay 8.9 years and I missed seven years of retention.’ “

Most people look for a job, but hope to find a home.

Think about what you want in your home—great siblings who are interested and willing to help you succeed; great parents who understand that you need to make mistakes to learn and grow, who openly share their knowledge, but don’t expect you to be a carbon copy; who offer ways to stretch yourself with challenging tasks that contribute to the family’s success; a warm, safe physical environment—fancy or not; a fair allowance.

Translated in to workplace terms that’s what all generations want; aMillennials are just more willing to leave home to find it.

“Because if I was in a job that I was paid well, I loved what I was doing, I was empowered to make decisions, I was advancing, why wouldn’t I stay at a company?” — Rob Bianchin, college senior

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Yesterday we looked at positive and negative aspects of culture and I said that today we would discuss how to change/create a culture or sub-culture.

Repeating yesterday’s warning: if you want a culture that is fundamentally different from the overall company culutre be sure you’re willing to shield your people and take the heat.

Remembering that culture is a function of your MAP (mindset, attitude, philosophy™), here are 7 critical points that you need to think through before starting—whether you are CEO of a startup or a first level supervisor in a large company.

1. Know who you are: Since this step is strictly between you and yourself you need to be brutally frank as to your attitudes towards people, motivation, what’s important, what’s OK to do, etc., in other words, know your MAP! You need to know exactly what you think, are comfortable with the elements you embrace and understand that you need to hire people who will flourish in the environment you create.
2. Define your cultural goals: Use the knowledge of your MAP to determine the kind of culture you want and write a description including your vision and the specific infrastructure, processes, practices, etc., that are needed to make it reality. Test the attractiveness of your cultural vision by whether you would want to work in a similar culture. If the answer is yes then you can proceed with it; however, if your response is “no way” then you need to rethink what you want because over the long haul there is no way you can sustain a culture in which you don’t believe. Also, people tend to gravitate to people like themselves (likes really do attract). In other words, you will be hired by, work with and hire those with synergistic MAP.
3. Know what you have: Honestly assess (warts and all) whatever culture currently exists in your company and department (if you have one or more people you have some kind of culture); without a detailed assessment you won’t know what you need to tweak, change, circumvent, ignore or avoid.
4. Be aware of the cost of change: Changing culture often results in turnover and turnover can be costly no matter the condition of the labor market. People join companies because they feel comfortable and change is rarely comfortable. If they don’t like the end result (or the direction it’s heading) they are likely to start looking. If you are aware and prepared that isn’t always a bad thing; cultural changes can’t happen if employees aren’t willing to change their mindset; worse, those who won’t change will make every effort to sabotage the emerging culture. By being prepared you can not only circumvent that, but often turn the saboteur into a new culture evangelist.
5. Don’t assume: The human race functions to a great extent on various sets of unconscious assumptions. In the workplace people tend to assume that people with similar educations, experience levels, positions, etc., have similar mindsets, attitudes and philosophies. The next assumption is that based on those similarities everybody would create similar cultures; the third assumption is that the first 2 guarantee people’s willingness to buy into the vision. Predicating acceptance of cultural change on the assumption of deep, unproven commonality is a recipe for disaster.
6. Don’t overwhelm the troops: Whether you are changing an entire corporation (Gerstner and IBM), creating a culture for your startup, tweaking it within your department or group, or revamping it in your small business, recognize that you can’t just come in, make an announcement and expect people to buy into the vision. Present it in small bite-size pieces and in such a way that people feel they have input in the process, thus creating a strong feeling of ownership. Better yet, listen to the input and adjust if it makes sense.
7. Communicate and sell—don’t order and tell! Even if your goal is a truly collaborative, nurturing culture that challenges and then helps people to realize their full potential you can’t just walk in on Monday and announce that that’s the way it will be from then on.

• First, it’s unlikely that anybody will believe you (talk’s cheap);
• second, if you’re new it’s unlikely they’ll trust you (no track record with them); and
• third, whether you’re proposing a radically different culture or just fine tuning the current one they have no reason to get on the bandwagon if it means changing.

In the final analysis what you do will carry far more weight than anything you say about your culture.

It boils down to your having the courage to walk your talk.

Image credit: Svadilfari on flickr

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