Poking through 11+ years of posts I find information that’s as useful now as when it was written.

Golden Oldies is a collection of the most relevant and timeless posts during that time.

Surprisingly, it is Millennials who are giving a lot of thought to dying and, in doing so, changing the conversations around it. All I can say is, it’s about time!” I get it. They are dedicated to directing how they live, want to control how they exit and are far more pragmatic about it than previous generations. I’m no Millennial, but over the decades I’ve given a lot of thought to the subject, too.

Read other Golden Oldies here.

What do you think about when you take stock of your life? What do you strive for? What makes you feel successful?

But first…

What I’m about to write is NOT a judgment call—having been brought up in a judgmental family I don’t judge. Sure, I have opinions, we all do, but I don’t judge. The most I can say is “X doesn’t work for me, but Y does.”

Granted, I might recommend Y; I might even argue passionately regarding the merits of Y, but in the end it’s your decision and you need to tweak/modify/change Y to fit your MAP—if you decide you have any interest in it at all—because Y is a product of my MAP and no two MAPs are identical.

Back to taking stock.

Someone once said to me,

“I still have more than half my life left to live… Still, with each birthday I feel the anxiety of wondering if I am living up to my potential. … Often, I can’t wake up from my daydreams of a disciplined and directed life long enough to make that life happen. … I have learned from experience that I need both [self awareness and willingness to change] if I want to be successful in life and leadership.”

I found it sad because the focus seemed to be so personally judgmental and the person set such store on an intangible like ‘leadership’—which, to have any real meaning, needs to be bestowed and substantiated by others.

But that is just me.

I’m substantially older than most of you and have bounced and blundered through life opening doors as the mood moved me.

I’ve made and lost money as well as friends as our lives diverged.

I once read that success is found in what you do for others, but I believe it’s also in what you don’t do and based on both I am enormously successful.

I’ve given a helping hand to hundreds, thus facilitating their ultimate success.

More importantly, I work hard at not hurting anyone by word or deed, advertently or inadvertently.

I doubt that I’m always successful, but I do try like hell.

I do not lie, cheat or steal.

If I were to have a tombstone (which I won’t, since I’m being composted, which is much better than cremation) it would look like this.

Image credit: JJ Chandler (site no longer exists)

A Friday series exploring Startups and the people who make them go. Read all If the Shoe Fits posts here.

How do you give your team the greatest chance to succeed?

By creating a supportive culture, instead of a judgmental one.

It’s not rocket science.

Just common sense.

Unless you actually believe you are Steve Jobs/Jeff Bezos/Mark Zuckerberg.

Then you can get away with acting like a jerk.

But you better be sure.

Very, very sure.

Image credit: HikingArtist

What do you think about when you take stock of your life? What do you strive for? What makes you feel successful?

But first…

What I’m about to write is NOT a judgment call—having been brought up in a judgmental family I don’t judge. Sure, I have opinions, we all do, but I don’t judge. The most I can say is “X doesn’t work for me, but Y does.”

Granted, I might recommend Y; I might even argue passionately regarding the merits of Y, but in the end it’s your decision and you need to tweak/modify/change Y to fit your MAP—if you decide you have any interest in it at all—because Y is a product of my MAP and no two MAPs are identical.

Back to taking stock.

Someone once said to me,

“I still have more than half my life left to live… Still, with each birthday I feel the anxiety of wondering if I am living up to my potential. … Often, I can’t wake up from my daydreams of a disciplined and directed life long enough to make that life happen. … I have learned from experience that I need both [self awareness and willingness to change] if I want to be successful in life and leadership.”

I found it sad because the focus seemed to be so personally judgmental and the person set such store on an intangible like ‘leadership’—which, to have any real meaning, needs to be bestowed and substantiated by others.

But that is just me.

I’m substantially older than most of you and have bounced and blundered through life opening doors as the mood moved me.

I’ve made and lost money as well as friends as our lives diverged.

I once read that success is found in what you do for others, but I believe it’s also in what you don’t do and based on both I am enormously successful.

I’ve given a helping hand to hundreds, thus facilitating their ultimate success.

More importantly, I work hard at not hurting anyone by word or deed, advertently or inadvertently.

I doubt that I’m always successful, but I do try like hell.

I do not lie, cheat or steal.

If I were to have a tombstone (which I won’t, since I’m being cremated and scattered) it would look like this.  

Image credit: JJ Chandler

A client is contending with what is becoming a serious problem in her organization.

Her people are so busy following, discussing, critiquing and, at times, judging their teammates that their own work is suffering.

The interest isn’t new but the rise of social media, both internal and external, is exacerbating what used to take place around the proverbial water cooler.

What is it these days? When did this fascination with every nook and cranny of other people’s lives start displacing one’s own?

Is this oh-so-prevalent voyeurism really a product of the Internet and the rise of social media or does it stem from something else?

Is it real interest, whether harmless or prurient, or is it an effort to fill the gaping hole left when people pour their energy into the external and cyber worlds at the cost of knowing and liking themselves?

Getting to know yourself and your MAP  may not be as much fun and is definitely more work than following and commenting on other people’s lives, but in the long run it feels pretty good to lose that hollow feeling.

Flickr image credit: Gisela Giardino

As I said Sunday, I won’t be posting again until Monday. And to sweeten my time off my gym is closed until Monday (Now that’s something to be thankful for!).

I decided to share my first (2006) Thanksgiving post today, because I honestly believe it is one of the most important concepts I have to offer.

It’s mind food for you to consider and digest along with tomorrow’s feast and the leftovers during the weekend.

Don’t judge who you were and what you did in the past based on who you are and what you know now.

Everybody knows that hindsight’s 20/20, but that doesn’t stop people from laying a coulda/shoulda/woulda trip on themselves.

Each of us is composed of multiple, past “me’s,” each a different, stand-alone version from the current one.

When you look at past actions (Why did I…) you need to first ask yourself if you made the best decision/action possible based on the information you had at the time in conjunction with the person you were at that time.

If, in fact, you did, then the you you-are-now has no right to judge, i.e., beat up on, the previous you for that decision.

This doesn’t mean that you need to condone everything—today’s you may decide that in the future you should do more research or whatever—but it does preclude you from taking your former self to task.

****************************************

Thanksgiving is a time when we’re supposed to be thankful, but exactly what you give thanks for is a very private matter—I have one friend who gives thanks for her family, another who gives thanks that her family is far, far away.

So, no matter your age, when giving thanks be sure to include all the past you’s, whether you love ‘em or hate ‘em, since they got you where you are today and their very existence guarantees that there will be many more in the future as you grow.

Have a wonderful holiday and I’ll see you all on Monday.

Flickr image credit: Karola Riegler

A Friday series exploring Startups and the people who make them go. Read all If the Shoe Fits posts here

You have every right as a boss to subjectively quantify your people’s efforts, thoughts and attitudes against requirements of which they are clearly and explicitly informed.

You have no right to assign values, such as stupid, wrong, spiteful, etc., to your subjective quantifications.

The first is judging; the second is judgmental.

Do you judge or are you judgmental?

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Use only as directed.
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Flickr image credit: HikingArtist

There is much talk these days about the importance of transparency and authenticity vs. concealment and dishonesty.

Unfortunately, the world isn’t black and white, but rather it’s done in shades of gray based on the beliefs of people in a particular society and at a particular time.

Of course, there are always people around to tell others what’s correct and what isn’t.

Most ‘social police’ start as one person with a specific set of forceful opinions and the skill to make them known to a wide audience. Like-minded people add their voices and build clout until they suddenly become then recognized arbiters on that topic.

This scenario applies equally across the board from politics to religion to business and every facet of people’s lives.

But being the [X] police doesn’t make them “right.”

Even most judgmental words such as, right, wrong, good, bad, etc., have meanings that have changed at various times in history and in the same times, but in different societies and cultures, or even the same ones.

• Slavery has been an acceptable part of dozens cultures for centuries, but most, not all, look at it now in horror.

• Universally murder has always been considered wrong, but what constitutes murder is ever changing.

The most each of us can ever state is our own opinion as I have done today—and then hope to find others who share it within the culture and society in which we live.

Image credit: sxc.hu