Last week I wrote about Hurricane Irma bearing down on my home state of Florida.

It was a scary time and brought a dose of reality to life that is not often seen. Through the experience I had a chance to view the before and after effects on people and thought I would share.

In my post I mentioned that there was a mad dash at stores for food, water and fuel to prepare for the arrival of the storm. It tended to be everyone for themselves and as a result was a bit chaotic.

In the interest of safety and because I have lived through several hurricanes, I took my family and left.

The trip we took normally calls for about 8 hrs of driving, but in this case it took 12. Roads were clogged, gas stations were packed, when they had fuel, and everyone was heading one way, north.

The trip was not scary, but it was surreal.

We took a back road highway as the interstates were turning into parking lots. We also drove in the dead of night and it was still packed.

Small towns with one open gas station had traffic jams. People were driving in emergency lanes and all toll roads were suspending payment for evacuation purposes.

This all added to the overall discomfort.

I knew my family and I were safe, but when I left I did not know how my house would fare or if I would have a home to return to.

The great news is we suffered minor damage to a fence and that is about it. Others weren’t so lucky.

How does this bring comfort though?

I spoke to my friends throughout this experience and truly felt closer to them.

Strangers have been open and people are helping.

Now that the panic of the storm has passed folks are banding together. Because I was gone my neighbors that stayed watched over my home and sent picture updates after tot show the results.

It has been rewarding to be surrounded by a sense of community and love.

Now I know times like these are sometimes short lived, but the memory of it can last a while.

I would never suggest that you suffer a major tragedy to experience this sense of belonging.

But I will say I am grateful that I was.

Image credit: Taber Andrew Bain

Helicopter parents are a serious problem that cripples kids and doesn’t seem to end when they enter the workforce; plus it can have a detrimental effect on good managers.

The helicopter mindset is spreading, so that people who are inclined that way are also hovering over spouses, friends and colleagues in the name of helping.

New research shows that it isn’t a good thing.

It seems that certain forms of help can dilute recipients’ sense of accountability for their own success.

When managers helicopter most people feel it’s a form of micromanaging, but when the source is a parent, spouse, friend or colleague people are more open to it.

Unfortunately, the results are the same.

People end up with less confidence in their abilities, take less responsibility for their own actions and question their own competence more.

How do you help without either helicoptering or micromanaging?

The answer, research suggests, is that our help has to be responsive to the recipient’s circumstances: it must balance their need for support with their need for competence. We should restrain our urge to help unless the recipient truly needs it, and even then, we should calibrate it to complement rather than substitute for the recipient’s efforts.

Which, in turn, means shutting up and really listening to your child/spouse/friend/colleague to determine the minimum of what is really needed.

Finally, it takes enough self-discipline to allow them to fail and then pick themselves up.

That’s how everyone learns and grows.

Flickr image credit: Keith Laverack

Post from Leadership Turn Image credit:  soldiersmediacenter    CC license

Whatever you think of the war—I happen to be vehemently against it—has nothing to do with our troops. The war is about politicians and politics—the troops are about the men and women who serve and all too often die.

I wonder what our government spends $700 million dollars a day on, but apparently it’s not for necessities such as sox, boots, feminine products, razors, body wash, etc., let alone “luxuries” like Ramen noodles that our troops need.

I just learned about a website called Any Soldier and it’s a way you can help for very little money.

Not generic help, but very personal help. Read through the requests, choose based on what you can do and do it.

Finally, remember that there are a lot of troops there who get no mail and would appreciate receiving letters all year, not just at the holidays when it’s a major topic. Monthly letters from a class is a great school project—heck, it might even teach the kids here to communicate instead of text.

So step up, DO something yourself and DO what you can to get the word spread. Any Soldier needs all of us all and they need us now.

Your comments—priceless

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