Women at work are damned when they get promoted and damned to a lower profile and paycheck when they don’t.

They are especially damned when they are a boss doing reviews.

That became clear in a recent study by Martin Abel, an assistant professor of economics at Middlebury College, that was published in the Institute of Labor Economics.

All managers need to be able to give tough feedback at times. But Abel’s research finds that both men and women discriminate against female bosses who dish out criticism, even when the feedback is worded identically to the feedback given by male managers.

Women are supposed to be nice, complimentary and supportive (especially to men). Those who are assertive and speak up, instead of melting into the background and shutting up are considered bitches.

As are women who do what bosses are supposed to do, i.e., provide feedback, both good and not, that helps their people grow and develop their capabilities to the fullest.

…workers surveyed were “about three times more likely to associate giving praise and appropriate use of tone with female managers. By contrast, they are about twice more likely to associate giving criticism and strict expectations with male managers.”

The attitudes aren’t new. The same type of studies (presenting the same whatever, but using male and female names) have documented the same reactions in college professors, managers and workers.

Like I said, damned either way.

Image credit: Karen Cox

 Today I conducted my quarterly Business Review with the leadership at my company and I can tell you I’m happy it’s over.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy them, it’s just that they can cause undue stress on everyone in the office for weeks on end.

You build your deck, rehearse your script and try to prepare as best you can for the unexpected questions. After it’s over you breath a sigh of relief.

As I went through my review today I was prepared and looking forward to it. I crave feedback and I don’t receive a ton of it from my manager, so this was an opportunity for me to receive some much needed responses.

At the end of it I discussed some initiatives that I wanted to pursue and they green lighted two of the three, not bad in my book.

After it was all done I realized that I would actually prefer to have these more often. I read that Goldman Sacks has continuous feedback and it helps associates see where they stand in real time. Maybe that’s a bit much, but more than once a quarter can be good as well.

How do you approach this exercise at work?

If the leadership is positive than I think it’s a good thing. I have seen it skew to the negative, though, when you have a demanding boss.

Are these events even needed? In sales I think so because you have a business to run. Does that apply elsewhere?

Poking through 11+ years of posts I find information that’s as useful now as when it was written.

Golden Oldies is a collection of the most relevant and timeless posts during that time.

Have you ever thought about what makes a great comic? By and large they are timeless, because their subject is people and human emotions and actions are (often unfortunately) steady through time. This is especially true when it comes to bad management as witnessed by the continued popularity of Born Loser, Dilbert and many others.

Read other Golden Oldies here.

Does your newspaper carry The Born Loser by Chip Sansom? Actually, I don’t find Brutus, the main character, to be a loser—just a slightly naive guy who works for an arrogant bully who constantly belittles him.

In the July 26, 2007 panel the dialog is as follows:

Boss: I am looking for a unique spin to put on our new ad campaign—do you have any ideas?

Brutus: Gee, Chief, I’m not sure—are there any ideas you think I should think of?

Boss: Brutus Thornapple, master of thinking inside the box.

it reminded me of managers I’ve known, who, no matter what happened or what feedback they received, never could understand that it was their MAP and their actions, not their people’s, that was the root cause of their under-performing groups.

After all, if you

• ask for input and ridicule those who offer it, why be surprised when you stop receiving input;
• claim that you want to solve problems while they’re still molehills, yet kill the messengers who bring the news, you should expect to grapple with mountainous problems requiring substantially more resources;
• tell people their ideas are stupid, whether directly or circumspectly, or, worse, that they are for thinking of them, why should they offer themselves up for another smack with the verbal two-by-four?

So, before you start ranting or whining about your group’s lack of initiative and innovation, try really listening to yourself and the feedback you get and then look in the mirror—chances are the real culprit will be looking straight back at you.

Image credit: Kleefeld on Comics

Lately I have become very involved with the look of my pool. I live in Florida and we are almost to swim time, my apologies to my northern friends. I’m not obsessed in a vain way, more in that the activity of scooping out leaves calms me in some way.

I find that the gentle swirl of the water and satisfying thunk of leaves pulled from the pool can relax me immensely.

During the activity there are always one or two leaves that have escaped my net and I think, just a bit more and I will have them all.

While this may be a simple analogy I have found it can be applied throughout my daily activities.

I’m in sales and the results of my actions are very apparent on the big sales board. I manage a practice within my company that is unique and still being nurtured.

One aspect of that is I receive very little feedback on how I am doing on a given day. It can take months or years before I truly see the impact. That can be a bit debilitating if you need a constant ego stroke. My solution for this is to look at short term successes and activities. I try to do a bit more each day.

As we go through the week, I would imagine you’re facing challenges that may require a bit more. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed with the big stuff, so I break it down. Build upon and expand. How do you approach those activities?

Perhaps it’s a single minded focus, micro doses of acid, or just the elephant approach of taking one bite at a time.

This week make it a point to do just a bit more.

I can assure you that you’ll be happy with the results.

Image credit: KimManleyOrt

It’s amazing to me, but looking back over more than a Decade of writing I find posts that still impress, with information that is as useful now as when it was written.

Golden Oldies is a collection of what I consider some of the best posts during that time.

In case you might think this post contradicts the one about how to be a great boss by giving your people what you wanted from you boss, it doesn’t.

The difference happens if you provide what you wanted, but only the way that would satisfy you, with no consideration of how they want it.

For example, recognition. While most people crave it, they want it displayed in different ways. I’ve always liked mine loud, more or less public and without having to ask. (Asking is akin to reminding your person that it’s your anniversary/birthday/Valentine’s Day, because they obviously forgot.) Others don’t want a fuss; to them, recognition comes from nothing being said. For them, feedback happens when something is wrong, so silence means everything is fine.

The trick is to not only give people what they (and you) want, but to give it to them how they want — sincerely.

Read other Golden Oldies here.

Most of us crave acknowledgement when we do something well, I know I do.

Decades ago when I worked as a recruiter for MRI in San Francisco my boss, “Ray,” wasn’t big on that.

It’s not that he wouldn’t do it, he just never thought about it.

Acknowledgement wasn’t something Ray needed, so he was blind to its effect on others.

When he did give the kind of heady feedback that makes people hungry for more, you could see that he didn’t understand it.

Worse, more often than not, it came in response to what he was told — you literally had to walk into his office and say you closed the deal or got a new client to have it happen. 

But praise caught by fishing or out-and-out asking is not worth a whole lot when it comes to motivation.

Nor did he understand how to build a strong team; the kind that could put an ‘Office of the Year’ award on the wall.

I still remember his effort to create the same esprit de corps as “Jeff,” another MRI manager and good friend of his, enjoyed.

The effort failed, probably because Ray considered Jeff’s approach rah-rah stuff — the kind of stuff he was known to disparage.

Ray’s problem was similar to many managers I’ve worked with over the years, i.e., he assumed others wanted to be managed in the same way he liked to be managed.

When Ray did try doing it differently it felt like a con.

Which it was, because he didn’t really believe in what he was doing.

Image credit: Jim Hammer

It’s amazing to me, but looking back over more than a decade of writing I find posts that still impress, with information that is as useful now as when it was written.

Golden Oldies is a collection of what I consider some of the best posts during that time.

“…that’s the way I am” How many times have you heard it? How many times have you said it? Is it valid? How much damage does it do?

Read other Golden Oldies here.

MAP (mindset, attitude, philosophy™) is a wonderful thing, encompassing as it does everything that makes you you.

MAP is also the great excuse, the adult version of the “because I said so” people use on their kids.

How often, when asked why you do X, have you responded “because that’s the way I am.”

Organizations have two versions, “not-invented-here” and “we’ve always done it that way.”

Whether individual or company, both use them to avoid innovation, change and disturbing their comfort zone.

But at what cost?

Marshall Goldsmith calls it “an excessive need to be me“ and tells the story of a CEO who was lauded in other areas, but refused to provide positive feedback because it wasn’t him and would, therefore, be phony.

The example isn’t as extreme as you might think. I’ve talked with many executives, managers and workers who use authenticity as their reason not to change their MAP.

And because authenticity is hot, it’s the perfect excuse for not tackling the root causes of whatever needs to change, although, as with most excuses, it doesn’t hold up well to the light of honest, intelligent analysis.

But what do you analyze; how do you know what to change?

Take feedback from your colleagues, team and customers; then take a hard look whenever the answer to “Why?” is some variation of the reasons mentioned earlier.

Then think it through; ask yourself if there is a real, rational reason to stay that way or if it’s something that would be better to change,

And remember, whether individual or company, the most powerful reason for changing MAP is that doing so pays off handsomely, as the CEO in Marshall’s story learned.

Image credit: pattista on flickr

Most of us crave acknowledgement when we do something well, I know I do.

Decades ago when I worked as a recruiter for MRI in San Francisco my boss, “Ray,” wasn’t big on that.

It’s not that he wouldn’t do it, he just never thought about it.

Acknowledgement wasn’t something Ray needed, so he was blind to its effect on others.

When he did give the kind of heady feedback that makes people hungry for more, you could see that he didn’t understand it.

Worse, more often than not, it came in response to what he was told — you literally had to walk into his office and say you closed the deal or got a new client to have it happen. 

But praise caught by fishing or out-and-out asking is not worth a whole lot when it comes to motivation.

Nor did he understand how to build a strong team; the kind that could put an ‘Office of the Year’ award on the wall.

I still remember his effort to create the same esprit de corps as “Jeff,” another MRI manager and good friend of his enjoyed.

The effort failed, probably because Ray considered Jeff’s approach rah-rah stuff — the kind of stuff he was known to disparage.

Ray’s problem was similar to many managers I’ve worked with over the years, i.e., he assumed others wanted to be managed in the same way he liked to be managed.

When Ray did try doing it differently it felt like a con.

Which it was, because he didn’t really believe in what he was doing.

Image credit: Jim Hammer

Over and over research has shown that money is no where near the top of what people want in their jobs.

Ask people what they want in a job, and meaningfulness looms large. For decades, Americans have ranked purpose as their top priority—above promotions, income, job security, and hours. (…) After more than 40 years of research, we know that people struggle to find meaning when they lack autonomy, variety, challenge, performance feedback, and the chance to work on a whole product or service from start to finish.

But even those aren’t enough to make it to the number one position.

First and foremost, what makes a job meaningful is doing something that has a “significant, lasting impact on other people.”

But what can you do if you work for a real-world pointy-haired boss and/or a company stuck in a Fifties mindset?

You need to take control, since changing jobs isn’t always an option.

How?

Try one or more of the following

1. Don’t buy into your boss’ or your company’s view of you.
2. Find what meaning you can in your work, even if it’s not the “change the world” kind or all that obvious.
3. Add more meaning outside of work—you are not your career.
4. Invest in a meaningful future by developing skills and/or contacts that will lead to the changes you desire.
5. Hang out with meaningful people—as defined by you, not those around you or society in general.

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Be sure to click over to see the February 2014 Leadership Development Blog Carnival: What Great Leaders Do

Flickr image credit: Max Klingensmith

A feedback loop is the combination of process and culture that keeps a boss aware of what’s going on in the organization, no matter the level, scope or size.

I recently sent KG Charles-Harris a link to an article and a question, “Do you think that experts like Craig Pirrong and Scott Irwin actually believe they really aren’t influenced by the funding they receive from the same groups they are supposed to objectively critique?”

Pirrong and Scott are academics and their funding is from Wall Street, but the situation is similar to the doctors who receive funding from the pharmacies whose drugs they extol in independent symposiums or the researchers who vindicate the food companies that pay for their studies and their labs.

KG replied with a quote from Upton Sinclair, “It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends on his not understanding it.”

Succinct, accurate and something for all bosses to stay aware of when creating their group’s feedback loop.

Flickr image credit: Stan and Miran

From two different authors.

“I haven’t worked this hard in years and have never felt so valued” —a former colleague who had changed jobs

“To the brain, receiving a compliment is as much a social reward as being rewarded money.” — Professor Norihiro Sadato, the study lead and professor at the National Institute for Physiological Sciences in Japan

Taken together they should drive home the value of telling your people outright how much you value them or how good something they did was,

I’m not talking about compliments for compliments sake—those are hollow and only extend the bad habits learned in school, such as when kids are complimented just for showing up on time.

I’m also not referring to ‘stars’; those almost mythical employees who some managers seem to value more highly than their entire team. (Guess which is more easily replaced the one star or the entire team.)

I do mean the heartfelt appreciation for a task well done or for being a good team member.

So in the stress and pressure of achieving deadlines don’t lose site of the two most successful motivation and retention factors yet found:

• the chance to make a difference; and
• being appreciated.

And just think—they don’t cost a dime.

Flickr image credit: dinny