Poking through 11+ years of posts I find information that’s as useful now as when it was written.
Golden Oldies is a collection of the most relevant and timeless posts during that time.
A comment left on this post said the Navy’s version is “Ship, Shipmate, Self” and I’m sure the sentiment can be found embedded in the cultures of many organizations.
Unfortunately, embedding doesn’t mean complying, especially in these days of overly robust egos
Ever noticed how some things stay with you? Many years ago, while working as a recruiter, a client VP said,
“Great managers make their decisions first for the sake of their company, second for the sake of their group and third for the sake of themselves.”
That comment comes back every time I read about another business leader whose decisions and choices were made in the opposite order, but presented as being for the good of the company.
Many of them are in jail, but many more either got off or weren’t caught in the first place; they just moved on to another role and are likely still making their decisions the same way.
Most interesting is that many managers who in reality reversed the decision order (3-2-1) see themselves as making them 1-2-3. This ties back to previously cited research showing that most of us aren’t the best evaluators of our own actions.
Basically, the question is how you evaluate your decisions before you make them. What kind of internal yardstick can you create that will assure the most 1-2-3 decisions?
Based on feedback from dozens of 1-2-3 decision-makers the common thread seems to be strong EQ and empathy, combined a high degree of objectivity and self-awareness. So how do you become self-aware and objective?
Let’s start by defining awareness. The modern definition of awareness is “having knowledge,” but the archaic definition of “vigilant” and “watchful” is more applicable.
Raising your awareness is probably most difficult because it requires you to become more objective about yourself and your actions, i.e., learning to see yourself in the third person instead of the first (seeing yourself as others see you).
Most people have some objectivity, e.g., they are able to look at a thing—clothes, jewelry, painting, furniture, house, etc.—and appreciate its beauty without wanting to own it or even actually like it.
Self-awareness is the result of cultivating that kind of third person objectivity and then focusing it on your thoughts, feelings and decisions.
A good way to build your awareness is to start with things. The next time someone asks you if you like their new whatever, stop and think about what you’re really thinking.
Most people subconsciously think about whether they like, are ambivalent or hate it. But the person asking doesn’t want to know if you want to own/wear it, they’re asking about it in terms of themself, so think about it in terms of that person, instead of in terms of yourself—in other words, think about it objectively.
Consciously listen to yourself, hear what you say from the outside, instead absorbing the content from your thoughts. Hear what others say in the context of themselves, rather than your own context.
Be sure to develop your objective side without losing the subjective one and, most importantly, be aware of which is which.
The ability to listen objectively to your own thinking is awareness and it acts as an unconscious warning system, only kicking into action when needed, not editing every comment, every move, all the time.
A Friday series exploring Startups and the people who make them go. Read allIf the Shoe Fits posts here.
A few years ago I wrote that good bosses need to be part shrink in order to deal with imposter syndrome and real programmer syndrome (for lack of a better term).
Founders have notoriously high expectations of themselves and everyone they hire.
Those expectations are great motivators as long as things are going well.
However, those same high expectations, both external and internal, can have a negative effect on the best people — including the founder.
What we found essentially is this: When the going gets tough, favorites are more likely to quit. […] When people walk in with high expectations and they begin to falter and experience setbacks, they have two options. They could persist and try to grind it out, or they could take the easier route that might preserve their self-esteem, be less embarrassing, and exit.
Founders and other high-performance team members aren’t likely to quit, although massively hyped stars are another matter.
Most high performance people know they are fallible, so the hit to their self-esteem is more internal and they are less likely to personalize public embarrassment — both attitudes that usually respond positively to “we’re all in this together” team support and coaching.
Stars, however, typically have a strong belief in their infallibility and a high sensitivity to public embarrassment — not a combination that lends itself to team support or coaching.
Good bosses take care of their people and themselves.
They also meld high expectations with a strong culture; one that makes glitches and even failing a learning experience that leads to both company and personal growth.
A Friday series exploring Startups and the people who make them go. Read allIf the Shoe Fits posts here.
I get so tired of people being labeled “self-made,” whether by the media, their circle or themselves.
There is no such thing.
I can hear your thoughts across the miles. “Who is she to say there’s no such thing as self-made. Just because she didn’t do it doesn’t mean I can’t.”
I agree, I’m nobody, but Arnold Schwarzenegger is a well-known somebody and he says the same thing.
I always tell people that you can call me anything that you want. You can call me Arnold. You can call me Schwarzenegger. You can call me ‘the Austrian Oak.’ You can call me Schwarzy. You can call me Arnie. But don’t ever, ever call me the self‑made man.
It took a lot of help. None of us can make it alone. None of us. (…) And I have to say that it is important to acknowledge that, because people make it always sound that you did all this yourself.
I didn’t. I did it with a lot of help.
Yes, I was determined. Yes, I never listened to the naysayers. Yes, I had a great vision. Yes, I had the fire in the belly and all of those things, but I didn’t do it without the help.
Here’s the full video in case you think I made it up.
Now stand in front of the mirror and say three times, “I am not self-made.” Repeat twice daily until you believe it.
Have you noticed that people in general are more wrapped up in themselves than ever before?
Whether in words or pictures, they document and share what they eat, where they go, what they do and with whom they do it, not just with their friends and known acquaintances, but with the world in general.
…narcissism levels have been rising for decades, which means that our world is increasingly self-centered, overconfident, and deluded.
And the next sentence really rang a bell.
Furthermore, these increases appear to be exacerbated among leaders, since those in charge of judging leadership potential often mistake confidence for competence.
Our politicians aren’t the only place where narcissism is running wild.
Narcissists are found at the helm of more and more companies of all sizes, but are especially prevalent in the financial sector and in tech.
In 2008 financial bosses with more confidence than competence brought the global economy to its knees.
Tech abounds with narcissistic founders and very few of them will stand the test of time, as have Jobs and Bezos.
Nor is narcissistic behavior limited to top bosses; it is found at every level of management, as well as every level of contributor — from new grads through the most senior contributor.
And lets not forget kindergartners through college.
We cannot make it alone, but we care too much about ourselves to genuinely care about others. This tension between our desire to get along with others and our desire to get ahead of them represents the fundamental conundrum of human affairs.
Much as I loathe the hype around “leaders,” it’s up to the positional leader to manage the get along/get ahead dichotomy if they are to have a successful organization.
I find it ironic that so many of those who preach the importance of data sets and evangelize data-based decisions, again, especially in tech, manage to ignore the hard data on what type of leader succeeds best.
Unfortunately, our admiration for charismatic leaders comes at a price: perpetuating the proliferation of narcissistic leaders. And while the existence of incredibly successful CEOs, such as Steve Jobs and Jeff Bezos (and Rockefeller, Ford, and Disney before them), may suggest that narcissism is a beneficial leadership quality, most overconfident, entitled, and egotistical CEOs are not just ineffective but also destructive — even when they manage to attain a great deal of success. For example, narcissistic CEOs overpay when they acquire firms, costing their shareholders dearly. Their firms tend to perform in a volatile and unpredictable fashion, going from big wins to even bigger losses. They are often involved in counterproductive work behaviors, such as fraud. They are also more likely to abuse power and manipulate their followers, particularly those who are naïve and submissive.
Whether you are a boss or a worker, read the article; it’s short and will provide insights into your own actions, as well as those of your boss or the boss with whom you are interviewing.
I’ve seen many definitions of leadership in the course of my career, but none so accurate as the words of Dwight D. Eisenhower, 34th US president.
Leadership consists of nothing but taking responsibility for everything that goes wrong and giving your subordinates credit for everything that goes well.
Simple, right?
But harder to implement.
Years ago, in a personal setting, I was acting like a prima donna when someone I respected turned a mirror to my behavior.
Not only did I think my behavior was despicable, but I also learned of the destructive power of ego.
My ego.
It was a wake-up call for me.
To counteract it in the future, I created a little mantra that I repeat to myself relatively often.
“Ego is the enemy that confuses what I want, and destroys what I create.”
Ego is THE enemy.
More dangerous than laziness, ignorance or stupidity.
More perfidious than cowardice or fear.
And, sadly, more common across society with every passing year.
Today you get a lesson from Nature on never giving up.
Keep trying and you will flourish
No matter how hard…
You can push through
And the result will be beautiful
That said, don’t be so impressed with your power to overcome obstacles that you prove Immanuel Kant’s observation that possession of power inevitably spoils the free use of reason to be true.
A Friday series exploring Startups and the people who make them go. Read allIf the Shoe Fits posts here
If you truly want to succeed it’s important not to let your ego get in the way.
Or, as Marva Collins said, “If you can’t make a mistake, you can’t make anything.”
During the first startup boom in the Nineties it was called “founder ego,” but there were those, such as me, who just called it stupid.
Perhaps there is a new term I haven’t heard or it’s gone underground, but founder ego sinks more startups than you can imagine.
The thing to remember is that you
don’t’ know more than everybody else; and
can’t do everything better than anybody else.
You will screw up, you’re human, but people will think more highly of you and trust you more if you admit it and move forward by unscrewing it no matter where or who the solution comes from.
A Friday series exploring Startups and the people who make them go. Read allIf the Shoe Fits posts here
‘I have always felt that the fact that I’m a boss is just the way it happens to be, and the person who is my subordinate could be my boss in another universe. So I try to not have it be a social or class distinction and have it be just more a reporting and professional distinction.” —Mitch Rothschild, CEO of Vitals
Founder/CEO/boss. Too many see their title/position, and the money that often goes with it, as something that sets them above others — better, smarter, better looking.
And they treat others accordingly.
Startup ego is out of control and those who write about it are mostly preaching to the choir.
What will change it is you.
You can change it by modeling Rothschild’s words in your own company.
By recognizing that anybody in any position can have good ideas.
By respecting all your people equally and listening to them,
By telling those who believe they are better that they aren’t.
Oops. Chester Pipkin, founder, chief executive and chairman of Belkin International, blows up all these myths.
Pipkin started his company in the 1980s in his parents garage and the innovation has never stopped — from the earliest days of computing to today’s Internet of things and on to tomorrow.
The company capitalized on the early explosion in personal computing, selling devices that connected computers to printers. Through the years the company has kept pace if not stayed ahead of the changing tech landscape. In 2014, Fast Co. named Belkin one of the 10 most innovative companies specializing in the “Internet of things” thanks to its Wemo line of Internet-connected home accessories.
Belkin is still private, has 1300 employees, a billion in sales and Pipkin keeps a very low profile.
He’s low on ego and high on hands-on philanthropy, as opposed to just writing checks.
Entrepreneurs face difficulties that are hard for most people to imagine, let alone understand. You can find anonymous help and connections that do understand at 7 cups of tea.
Crises never end.
$10 really does make a difference and you’ll never miss it,
I get so tired of people being labeled “self-made,” whether by the media, their circle or themselves.
