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A reader, “John,” emailed me with a question and suggested that I respond in the blog, because he felt that the information would be useful to everyone and I agree.

Miki, like many people these days I was laid off and have had a lot of trouble finding work. I finally interviewed and they have told me that I’ll be receiving an offer next week.

It should be terrific, but I’m very concerned about the manager I’ll be reporting to. I was in the department for most of a day and never saw anyone smile or joke with a colleague; people seemed to be tip-toeing around and trying their best to avoid this person.

The interview included conversations with three other people, one in the same group and the other two are people I’d be interfacing with. None of them would discuss the hiring manager, not a word and the internal guy practically freaked when I asked him what the manager was like to work with.

I know that beggars can’t be choosers, but I’m really concerned. I don’t want to accept and then quit a few months later. I have enough savings to hold out for awhile longer, but have no idea what else might open up.

I remember something you wrote a long time ago that a person can’t be miserable for 8+ hours a day and then come home and be fine.

So, what do you think?

John remembered correctly, 20+ years of experience has proven to me that people aren’t water faucets—they can’t be miserable in half their life, turn off the feelings and be happy in the other half.

Under normal circumstances, including a normal recession, I’d suggest waiting, but there is nothing normal about what is going on.

The great advantage that John has if he decides to accept the offer is that he is knows something is wrong, knows there is fear in the air, knows the hiring manager is the likely source.

Knowing all that, John is in the position of being able to build protective barriers around his psyche before he comes under fire.

He needs to discuss it with his wife and explain to his close family and closest friends; doing so ahead of time alerts them that he may be in very difficult situation and need extra support. It’s important to have the conversations now, not when he’s inside and under attack.

In doing all this, John needs to be very careful not to turn it into a case of assumptions and self-fulfilling prophecy.

In short, John needs to hope and strive for the best, but prepare for the worst.

It’s always best to avoid a toxic boss and to leave one as quickly as possible, but desperate times call for unusual actions and a lot more preparation.

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I received the following email from “Terry” who just started his first job.

“Hi Miki, Basically with my new job, they are really giving their employees the shaft.  Peoples’ contracts aren’t being renewed so they can bring in cheaper labor (like me). My manager often says “Hey man!  It’s cool!  You have a job!  The economy is crap!” as though the position with them is the only one that I could get.  It’s really infuriating sometimes because I know that when they use an attitude like that, it’s like they feel they can abuse their power.  It’s like saying “Hey, you’re worthless, you’re SO lucky you have us… right?  Do you feel fortunate that we take you under our roof?  Good, because no one else will – now get to work or we’ll kill you!”  I don’t feel they see it like that, but I am trying to decipher their motives.  What do you think is going on?”

Hi Terry,

There are several obvious things that come to mind; your manager

• is nervous;
• is trying a poor joke to reduce the stress of layoffs;
• doesn’t think and has no idea of the effect of his words;
• actually believes what he is saying.

However, there is a not so obvious thought for you to explore.

Perhaps your manager is projecting—voicing his own feelings based on the way he is being treated.

Rather than guessing there are things you can do over the next few months to achieve a much better handle on why he acts this way, mainly through close, objective observation.

I say objective because you need to suspend judgment, scrub the emotional side and dispassionately study what he says and does.

I can almost hear you say ‘why bother’ when it’s much easier to shrug and write it off to his being a jerk or a lousy culture.

The reason it’s worth the effort is that it will give you an edge when working with and for him. It will help you to understand where he’s really coming from and how best to interact with him.

And it will keep you from doing the same things when you become a manager.

I love when readers write or call, so feel free to contact me if you think I can help; contact information is in the right column. I hope to hear from you soon.

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There are way too many stupid bosses out there, but now and then one of them goes to extremes.

This is the first of an occasional series based on finding or receiving examples of extreme managerial stupidity. If you have a good one please send it to me at miki@rampupsolutions.com, subject “extreme stupidity” (so it misses the filters).

In her annual goal-setting meeting with her boss a woman with a track record building relationships across departments said that one of her goals was to increase her knowledge so she could help the company juice innovation by breaking down silos.

Her boss said, “This place doesn’t work that way. No place does. I think you’re confusing knowledge with ability and I wouldn’t recommend that you build a career based on knowledge. Do yourself a favor, don’t set yourself up for failure.

Focus on something you can really do. Work on your Powerpoint skills. Learn to manage your time better so you don’t have to work so many hours.

Let me explain something to you with an example, I believe in taking care of the customer and the shareholder. I don’t give a sh** about the employee. So I’d never put into my goals ‘build stronger relationships with my team members’ because I don’t care about them. I’d hate doing it and I wouldn’t be any good at it because I don’t want to be any good at it. See what I mean?”

There are multiple stupidities in his comments, so I’ll take them individually.

1. Obviously this manager doesn’t read the business news. There isn’t a CEO out there who isn’t looking for ways to break down walls and reduce silo mentality; there’s too much proof that doing so sparks innovation and raises the bottom line.
2. Skills are knowledge in action; knowledge is transferable between industries; in the 21st Century there is nothing else on which to build a career except knowledge.
3. A company is like a three legged stool with investors, customers and employees being the legs. If one leg is longer or more robust than another the stool will tip over. This type MAP guarantees sky-high costs due to extremely low productivity and excessively high turnover, since employees vote for their bosses with their feet.
4. Managers are not the front line in most companies—especially those large enough to have silos. This manager’s customers are interfacing with the employees about which he doesn’t give a sh**, so there’s not much reason for them to give much of a sh** about the customers.
5. Managerial raises and promotions are based on the accomplishments of the manager’s team; there is nothing a manager can do as an individual that will offset a non-performing group. However, how long it takes him to fall on his ass depends on how many levels above him have the same MAP.

If you find yourself in a similar situation here are some ideas on what to do

If possible change jobs; set your own goals and pursue them as openly as is safe and covertly when it isn’t; continue to build both knowledge and associated skills.

And what not to do

Don’t bother reporting him—unless he’s a very recent hire HR and his manager already know; don’t try sabotage—it’s likely to backfire; put it out of your mind—don’t allow it to eat at you or gnaw on it like an old bone; make a screen saver, sign, etc. that says, “This To Shall Pass” and get on with your life.

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