No matter the medium you use to follow the news a large proportion of the stories have a trust angle—most with a negative look at who/how/why it was broken.

I tend to trust people with good diction because I can hear what they say; others trust people because of perceived commonality—the same place of worship, similar political stances, the same schools, military service, mutual connections, etc.

When you see it written down like that the idiocy of any commonality as a basis for trust is apparent, but on any day you can find stories about broken trust that was based on these and similar ephemeral reasons (such as diction). Possibly one of the dumbest is the trust based on some form of online friendship at places such as Facebook.

Even trust in introductions made by long time friends can be misplaced as the experience of my friend Kelly shows. Briefly, her friend arranged a blind date for Kelly with a guy she knew. She didn’t mention that she had only chatted for a few minutes with him during a conference; she thought he was cute and that Kelly would like him. Fortunately for Kelly he was arrested two days before their date—charged with attempted rape. Her friend was shocked because he was well dressed and it was a professional conference, so she assumed he was OK.

There are thousands of similar stories out there; many with much worse endings.

So how do you know who to trust?

When I was looking for quotes about trust for yesterday’s post I found an anonymous one that offers some excellent guidance.

“The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be- and when they’re not, we cry.”

Getting to know someone takes time, but you can pursue a dual track by giving the people the benefit of the doubt if your guts says yes, while maintaining a vigilant watch to make sure that their actions are consistent with their expressed MAP (mindset, attitude, philosophy™) and being ruthless in not rationalizing away the inconsistencies.

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In a recent column in the NY Times by Bob Herbert adds his voice to mine in condemning today’s wired, multitasking mentality, only he does it with far more flair. The part I want to share is near the end.

There’s a character in the August Wilson play “Joe Turner’s Come and Gone” who says everyone has a song inside of him or her, and that you lose sight of that song at your peril. If you get out of touch with your song, forget how to sing it, you’re bound to end up frustrated and dissatisfied. … Other people have something to say, too. And when they don’t, that glorious silence that you hear will have more to say to you than you ever imagined. That is when you will begin to hear your song. That’s when your best thoughts take hold, and you become really you.

Just as individuals have songs companies do also and both need silence to hear them.

The song is MAP (mindset, attitude, philosophy™) set to music; values and culture that sing to you and mirror you.

Songs are elusive and the cacophony that often pervades life and work makes it yet more difficult to hear them.

Why do people keep adding to it and then complain bitterly about the noise.

When I was young I realized that I could have all the stuff I wanted as long as I owned the stuff and the stuff didn’t own me.

Technology is like stuff—you can’t let it own you.

There is a marvelous world outside the window and inside yourself just waiting to be explored.

No thunderbolt will strike if you put it down, turn it off, look out the window, smile and say hi to those you can literally reach out and touch, feel the magic, hear the song.

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Yesterday I shared quotes about approval and promised you a story.

A few days ago a long-time reader, I’ll call him Jack, and I got back in touch.

Previously Jack had shared some of the problems and personal demons he was facing that were making him unhappy and holding him back.

Yesterday I could hear in his voice that he was a different guy. When I asked him how things were going he shared many of the processes and changes that had led to the new Jack.

It is one of his biggest changes that I want to share with you.

I am much stronger. My life doesn’t hinge on the approval of everyone around me. (I still chase it, but I don’t fall apart if I don’t get it)

Jack is not alone. We all look for approval from colleagues, friends and family, but especially from bosses, parents and our romantic interests.

Everybody chases approval in one way or another and that’s OK.

It’s not the wanting, but the needing that is the problem.

We need air to breathe, water, food and shelter.

We want nice clothes, cars, electronics and choice in everything.

Not having our needs met means misery; missing out on our wants is annoying and frustrating, but it doesn’t jeopardize our lives.

It took Jack more than a year of hard work to change his MAP and move approval from need to want, but he did it.

And so can you.

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Monday I wrote how people’s short attention span and memory plus general apathy enable the Teflonizing of brands that screw up, so that nothing sticks.

This is just as true of all the personal brands jousting for space on the planet.

Coincidentally to my plan for today’s post, Phil Gerbyshak Had a guest post Wednesday by Sally Hogshead, author of Fascinate, called Powerdrunks: How They Got That Way, and Why You Might Become One.

Sally’s explanation on what drives a power trip makes additional comments superfluous, so read that post before continuing with this one.

Sally gives good advice on how to stop yourself from becoming powerdrunk, but what of all those who are not only powerdrunk, but Teflon-coated?

Think Bob Nardelli, John Thain, others on this list, the jerk in the next cubicle who was fired only to surface at the cool company down the street or any politician/any party.

How do they do it? How, no matter what, do they come up smelling like a rose in another position of power?

Like companies, they take advantage of spin, but rely mostly on charm, too many managers’ intense dislike of the interviewing process, including on senior levels where, it is assumed, the recruiter has done most of the work, and selective hearing when checking references.

Teflon goes on layer by layer each time there are no consequences for the actions; most people function on the what you see is what you get, so eventually invincibility sets in and the whole Teflon process becomes self-fulfilling prophesy.

But what can you do when the decisions aren’t yours?

You can actively remember; actively means reminding others even when they don’t want to hear it. You can learn to be honest and still legal when giving a reference. You can care about those around you and protect them from powerdrunks. And if they are politicians don’t vote for them and don’t allow them to hide behind their ideology—even when it’s yours, too.

In other words, change your MAP, since you can’t change theirs.

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It’s not just companies, these days branding is applicable on a personal level as never before, whether you are a rock star, a rock star CEO or a wannabe; a college student, new grad or a working stiff trying to improve your lot; everything is about “the brand.”

Steve Roesler at All Things Workplace has a good post on the value of first impressions, since research has shown that there may be a second chance.

Part of branding is the impression you make, so I thought I would share a multi-decade observation on the subject that applies to everything—interviewing, public speaking, personal relationships—the entire spectrum of human interaction. It is neither good nor bad, merely human.

First impressions are generally based on personal prejudices and chemistry.

I’ve found the former can change from negative to positive based on further interaction, but that chemistry only changes from positive to negative.

For example, years ago I spoke at the Commonwealth Club in San Francisco; afterwards a woman thanked me and told me that based on my appearance she almost left. (I am nearly six feet tall and although not model thin I wasn’t plus-size, either.) She assumed that I would have nothing intelligent to say on the subject based on my size, but instead found my material valuable and my presentation excellent. Obviously, I had crossed several of her visual prejudices.

Chemistry, however, is entirely different.

Chemistry is not grounded in anything rational, not even personal prejudices, nor is it irrational—it just is.

Think about it; you meet someone and have an instant positive reaction to the person for absolutely no reason you can figure out.

It isn’t sexual attraction, since the person can be of either gender; it’s a psychological reaction along the lines of I want to know that person better and then acting on the desire because the chemistry is so strong.

When the chemistry is mutual, you experience that heady feeling of instant connection, whereas with bad chemistry people can’t even hear each other. However, positive chemistry can change the minute the other person opens her mouth and every thought and word turns sours your initial reaction.

As your own brand manager, here are your three critical take-aways:

• First impressions do count and shouldn’t be neglected on the assumption that you can change them later because you suddenly decide it’s worth the effort;
• chemistry is chemistry and outside of your control; and, most important of all,
• don’t hide behind chemistry and use it as a rationalization for not putting out first impression effort.

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Do you make assumptions? What sort of impact do they have on what you do?

This little exercise is well worth your time.

1. List the last 5 decisions you made;
2. list the criteria on which you based your decisions for each one;
3. think about each criteria and define what percentage of it was grounded in assumptions (you may need to analyze down several layers).

Typically, assumptions underlie most criteria if you drill down far enough.

Knowing that you would do well to remember that assumptions are insidious, sneaky and often masquerade as common sense, logical thinking or general wisdom.

After all, you don’t want your decisions attributed to the first three letters of their actual basis.

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There are many ways to consider leadership’s future and I often focus on schools and education (not the same thing) and kids—who are the leaders, actual and positional, tomorrow.

But there is another view of leadership’s future worth considering and that is of leadership as an industry, as opposed to an action or description.

Make no mistake, leadership, directly and indirectly, is definitely an industry.

Consider the standard definition of ‘industry’: A category used to describe a company’s primary business activity, usually determined by the largest source of a company’s revenues.

From individual coaches to major consultants and every size in-between, thousands of people earn their daily bread and pay their mortgages with money made through their activities in the leadership industry. Even those who aren’t paid in money are earning something, whether it’s enhanced reputation, a way to spread their opinions/beliefs, an ego boost or something still more esoteric.

I’m not saying that this is a bad thing or a good thing, but it is a thing worth noting.

In a previous post I warned of the need to digest and tweak expert information as opposed to swallowing it whole and this is even more important when it comes to leadership, considering the vast volume of it and the media’s constant focus and insistence that it is leadership that separates the winners and losers.

Even if you subscribe to that idea you need to develop a definition that is relevant to your world and stands the test of time, not some offered up by the industry.

Leadership terms are casually thrown around, applied by some to any and every action that a person does, may do or should do and by others only to the actions/words of those in positional leadership roles.

Perhaps these two points are worth accepting, although I’m sure many will disagree with me,

1. Leadership is an industry in which people, directly or indirectly, earn their living.
2. Leadership information comes in a multiplicity of forms and the quality varies widely.

Accepting these two ideas results in one conclusion: like investing information, leadership information should be digested, internalized and tweaked for your individual needs at both that point in your life and in your future.

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Test your own Authentic Happiness courtesy of the University of Pennsylvania

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This is as true today as it was 38 years ago when Dr Robert McNeish first expounded on it.

1. As each bird flaps its wings, it creates an ‘uplift’ for the bird following. By flying in a V formation, the whole flock adds 71% more flying range than if each bird flew alone.
Lesson: People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going quicker and easier when they are traveling on the thrust of one another.

2. Whenever a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to fly alone and quickly gets back in formation to take advantage of the ‘lifting power’ of the bird immediately in front.
Lesson: If we have as much sense as a goose we will stay in formation with those who are headed where we want to go. (If none are then we know we are with the wrong flock. Ed.)

3. When the lead goose gets tired it rotates back into the formation and another goose flies at the point position.
Lesson: It pays to take turns doing the hard tasks and sharing the leadership interdependent with each other.

4. The geese in formation honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.
Lesson: We need to make sure our honking from behind is encouraging, rather than making less helpful noises.

5. When a goose gets sick, wounded or shot down, two geese drop out of formation and follow him down to help and protect him. They stay with him until he is either able to fly or dies. Then they launch out on their own with another formation or to catch up with the flock.
Lesson: If we have as much sense and compassion as the geese, we’ll skip the politics and knives and support each other.

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It’s a new month and Dan McCarthy over at Great Leadership is hosting this month’s Leadership Development Carnival. The 36 posts are loaded with useful information and helpful ways to improve your skills.

Enjoy!

Over at The People Equation, Jennifer V. Miller advocates for “management by asking” in her post “Socrates Was On to Something”:

Wally Bock presents Once Upon a Time posted at Three Star Leadership Blog. “ Lots of things have changed since I started in business. But the most important thing has stayed the same.”

Learn how to get the most out of blogs, books, seminars and other resources, whether the subject is management, leadership or any other self-improvement effort, the process for using the information is the same. Miki Saxon presents How to Improve Your Management Skill at MAPping Company Success.

Managers can’t let fear rule their decision making – Sharlyn Lauby presents Handling Workplace Retaliation posted at HR Bartender.

Mary Jo Asmus presents 7 Ways to Enjoy Others at Work posted at Aspire-CS.

Jane Perdue presents A Lobby Display of True Leader Colors posted at Get Your Leadership BIG On!.

If you want to really understand your culture, take time to understand the underlying rules: spoken and unspoken. Steve Roesler presents Want to Influence? Know the Norms posted at All Things Workplace.

Mark Stelzner presents SHRM 2010: Observations & Conclusions posted at Inflexion Point.

Alice Snell presents Public Sector Hiring Reform posted at Taleo Blog – Talent Management Solutions.

Art Petty presents Leadership Caffeine: Prepare Your Mind to Conquer Presentation Anxiety posted at Management Excellence.

Kevin W. Grossman presents Valuing meaningful work always plays better to the bottom line. posted at HRmarketer.com Blog.

Nothing is more inspiring than a noble purpose. Do you see your work as a “job” or a mission? You will be surprised how easy it is to make your purpose special. Mike Henry Sr. presents Inspiring Purpose posted at Lead Change Group.

Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh has built an amazing culture. Most of us can learn a lot from what he did and how he did it. But there is one lesson we should NOT learn from Zappos. Anne Perschel presents What NOT to Learn from Zappos posted at Germane Insights.

Leaders make many decisions each day. What factors do you consider when making decisions? Becky Robinson presents Factors in Decision Making posted at Mountain State University LeaderTalk.

7 useful tips to take leadership repertoire to the next level: Utpal Vaishnav presents How To Caffeinate Your Leadership Repertoire? posted at Utpal Writes.

A fun post – a poem that links how we work with what we are seeing in the World Cup Football matches. David Zinger presents Working Zingers: Work as the World Cup posted at David Zinger Employee Engagement.

There is always friction between a unit and its higher headquarters, no matter the organization. In “Those Idiots Up At HQ,” Leader Business examines the firing of General McChrystal from a personal perspective. Tom Magness presents Those Idiots Up At HQ posted at Leader Business.

NY Times best selling author, Chuck Martin, shares his Management Tip, Play to your strengths, in this ten minute podcast. Nick McCormick presents Play to People?s Strengths posted at Joe and Wanda on Management.

With leadership development being defined and implemented differently from business to business, it is often difficult to find or create measurement around LDP programs. In this post I describe 7 approached to measure the leadership programs you create. Benjamin McCall presents Metrics of Leadership: 7 measurements for Leadership Development, at REThink HR.

This post links together England’s demise in the World Cup, Boris Groysberg’s new book on talent and performance, and whether what applies (may apply) in football / soccer applies in business too. Jon Ingham presents Chasing Stars and Socialism at Social Advantage.

Highlights an eye-opening study which finds that Talent Management systems are gender-biased and talk about what to do about it. Meg Bear presents Are your leadership competencies gender biased? posted at TalentedApps.

The ultimate motivations comes from knowing who we are and courageously acting upon that knowledge. What will you do in your “moment of truth”? Janna Rust presents Purposeful Leadership: Your Moment of Truth: What Will You Choose? posted at Purposeful Leadership.

Laura Schroeder presents Is Attrition a Key Component of Retention? posted at Working Girl.

Anna Farmery presents The Life Cycle of Thinking posted at The Engaging Brand.

Many managers don’t trust that their systems hire and keep people that will make good decisions. They “solve” this problem by giving staff no authority, which isn’t a solution. John Hunter presents Trust Your Staff to Make Decisions posted at Curious Cat Management Improvement Blog.

Research from i4cp/AMA reveal four key practices all companies should follow when developing global leaders. Erik Samdahl presents Four Key Practices for Developing Global Leaders posted at Productivity Blog.

Michael Lee Stallard presents The Need to Respect Legitimate Authority and One’s Colleagues posted at Michael Lee Stallard.

Nissim Ziv presents Problem Solving Interview posted at Job Interview & Career Guide.

There are lessons we can all learn from General Stanley McChrystal’s recent resignation. Sometimes choosing our words wisely is more important than sharing opinions. Kathy C presents Lessons Learned from General Stanley McChrystal posted at The Thriving Small Business.

Wise Bread presents Freedom From the Day Job posted at Wisebread.

This post speaks of reducing the clutter in Leadership and Learning & keeping things simple. Dominic Rajesh presents Clutter-free Learning and Leadership posted at Dom’s Blog ….

Bob Lieberman presents Gas! posted at Cultivating Creativity – Leadership Development for the Creative Economy.

Eliminating negative has a greater impact than accentuated positive. The challenge is to eliminate the negative in a way that does not create more negative. Michael Cardus presents Eliminating Negative to Increase Positive posted at Create-Learning Team Building & Leadership Blog.

Friso presents An introduction to Corporate Performance Management | Everyone can manage posted at Everyone can Manage.

This post talks about how to manage others successfully in a nonprofit setting. But it can be applied to any business. Mazarine presents Wild Woman Fundraising Advanced Fundraising: Managing Others posted at Wild Woman Fundraising.

Bauhinia Solutions presents The Benefits of Coaching posted at Bauhinia Solutions.

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