(Obviously, I’ve been experiencing technical difficulties!)

Continuing last weeks social assistance to ease those awkward silences that may happen during (gasp) face2face holiday get-togethers.

Interacting with kids you see only occasionally, or even those you see more often, can be fraught with pitfalls.

Here’s a safe, interesting tidbit to get a conversation going, especially at a tense family dinner when young children are present. Just mention that Walt Disney was afraid of mice, and watch the conversational ball start moving.

Girls are often more chatty than boys and easier to engage. Here are two questions that should generate some interesting commentary, including from any adults present,

• It is possible to lead a cow upstairs, but not downstairs. Why?
• A  duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no  one knows why. What do you think?

Gross work better with boys, but you need to watch it since there are usually other generations present that don’t appreciate gorss. That said, here’s one that will bring out the snickers, turtles can breathe through their butts. However, if your audience tries the same trick you will be in big trouble.

Here’s one more to use as you see fit, either as a starter or to shut up a bore, donkeys  kill more people annually than  plane crashes or shark attacks—good reason to watch your ass or stop acting like one.

Be sure to join me next week for great gambits that will light up all your gardening relatives.

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The holiday season starts earlier every year. Dinners and parties that require conversation—often about subjects other than work or the differences between Android and iPhone. With that in mind, for the next three weeks Oddball Facts will provide some intriguing bits of information that you can use to start or rescue a face-to-face conversation.

Most of the time conversations starters begin as a “did you know” question like this,  “Did you know that the first product to have a bar code was Wrigley chewing gum?

But they don’t have to.

Let’s say you’re a bit shy, but want to start a conversation with a clean-shaven guy who looks interesting. You might mention that the  King of Hearts is the only king without a moustache and ask if he plays cards.

If you’re a guy looking for an opening line that’s not cliché, mix this factoid with a bit of charm like this, “You know, Venus is considered feminine and it’s the only planet that rotates clockwise, which probably means that the rest of the planets are masculine and a bit backwards.”

Or try this one if you like a more direct approach, but be careful, if you don’t get the second part out quickly it’s likely to backfire. “Did you know that you burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television? In fact, there are lots of things you can do in a bed or chair that burn more calories.

Factoids are also great conversation stoppers when you encounter a bore or, worse, a jerk.

For instance, you’re at a party and some woman is droning on and on about her most recent doctor visit or hospital stay. When she takes a breath you say, “Dentists say that one thing that will help you stay healthy is moving your toothbrush at least six feet away from the toilet to avoid  airborne particles resulting from flushing.”

Here’s a ‘did you know’ to shut up those folks who spend winter in the sun and brag about their tan, while you’re shoveling snow or dripping rain water on the just washed floor. Did you know that most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin?

Finally, a couplet for those obnoxious folks who insist on smoking around those who don’t just because they can legally do so.

You say, “I read an interesting article that at one time the three most valuable brands in the world were Marlboro, Coca Cola and Budweiser, in  that  order.”

Now that you have their attention, you say, “Of course, the first Marlboro Company owner, as well as the first Marlboro Man, both died of lung cancer, Budweiser was taken over by InBev and Coke is under attack for contributing to obesity.”

Amazing what a few facts and a little creativity can accomplish.

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Personally, I’m big on cremation, but I do find great amusement cruising cemeteries and checking out what’s written on the headstones. I lost my collection during my last move, but found a few on the Net; nothing like what I had, but still good for a smile and even a giggle.

Way back in the 1600s John Dryden put this couplet on his wife’s grave; it’s doubtful that any woman of that time would dare put it on her husband’s, but I think these days it fits just as well for the guys.

Here lies my wife: here let her lie!
Now she’s at rest, and so am I.

The subject of food seems to be a major focus as displayed by these three,

Here lies old Rastus Sominy
Died a-eating hominy
In 1859 anno domini

Eliza, Sorrowing
Rears This Marble Slab
To Her Dear John
Who Died of Eating Crab.

Beneath this stone, a lump of clay,
Lies stingy Jimmy Wyatt.
Who died one morning just at ten
And saved a dinner by it.

In some cases, it’s imperative that your expertise extends to your profession.

He was a good husband;
a wonderful father,
but a bad electrician.

Some assume bad habits persist into the next life.

Rest in Peace,
Now you are in Lord’s arms.
Lord, watch your wallet.

Finally, we have the man of few words.

Once I wasn’t
Then I was
Now I ain’t again.

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I should have called this series “Did you know…?” because that’s how I keep wanting to start every time I write Oddball Facts. Oh well…

Seems that most people these days are either trying to lose weight, so, of course, they work at reducing the amount of food they eat. If the average person eats about 60,000 pounds in the course of their life—the equivalent of about six elephants—look around and just think how many extra elephants some of the people you see must have consumed.

I wonder it the half a billion dollars American kids spend on chewing gum is included or in addition to the 60,000 lifetime pounds.

While we’re on the subject of people food, you can add the more than $11 billion in comestibles that we feed our dogs and cats.

I often wonder why most Americans are upset over the possibility that the US Post Office will eliminate Saturday mail delivery in an effort to reduce costs. Canada eliminated Saturday service in 1969 and seems to be doing just fine.

Try dropping this bit of trivia at your next boring lunch or meeting—more people use blue toothbrushes, than red ones. If nothing else it’s sure shut people up while they try and come up with a response.

Finally, a salute to ingenuity, not to mention sheer guts. Cary Copestakes had tuition to pay and no money, so she decided to auction her virginity on eBay with a starting bid of $10,000 (at least she put a high value on herself). Lucky Cary, the man who won the bidding felt sorry for her, so he gave her the money, but didn’t collect on the service.

I wish you all a wonderful Mother’s Day, whether you are a mother or not.

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Here’s a fun fact that’s a great conversation starter, or ender, depending. Do you know who the largest employer in the entire world is? The Indian railway system with more than a million employees.

If that goes over well try this one. What is the most productive day of the workweek? Tuesday.

Speaking of productive, think about Henry Ford. His name invokes images of production lines, the Model T and a new mobility for America. It should also remind you of backyard BBQs, since Ford also invented charcoal briquettes.

These days it takes a real gaffe to discomfit a company—if you can do it at all. How times have changed. When Scott Paper Company first started manufacturing toilet paper they were too embarrassed to put their name on the package.

Cost cutting by the airlines isn’t anything new. In 1987 American saved $40K; doesn’t sound like a big deal until you know that it was done by using one less olive on each salad served in first class.

Here’s a tidbit that would cut deeply into consultant revenue if management actually used it. The average company saved over $7,000 for each employee suggestion that it enacted. Of course, first they have to believe it.

Today wraps up in enough irony to include a bow on the package.

Did you know that the original owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer?

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Nature never ceases to amaze me. No matter how much I learn I don’t have to look very far to find out it stuff I never would have dreamed.

For instance, in school we were taught that the heart is the strongest muscle in the body, but seems as if that’s not right, your tongue is strongest.

Speaking of tongues, crocodiles can’t stick theirs out; I don’t know about alligators.

Echoes are like shadows, everything has one, right? Wrong! Duck quacks don’t echo, but no one knows why.

Come summer when you’re scratching away at those pesky mosquito bites, just remember, it really is a bite, because mosquitoes have teeth.

Summer also brings butterflies for your viewing pleasure. Butterflies love the nectar, but did you know they taste with their feet?

While we’re on the subject of feet, whether you have two or four you can jump—as long as you aren’t an elephant. Elephants are the only animal that can’t jump.

One final human fact that you can verify yourself the next time you have a cold—it’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

See you tomorrow for a look at how insanely smart hiring creates stars and boosts retention.

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Do you sometimes get the feeling that the folks who populate our legislatures, no matter the party, either sit on their brains or just don’t bother bring them to work?

I often hear people wishing that someone of intelligence would run; someone of substance like those that their parents or grandparents talk about.

Apparently our politicians have been sitting or forgetting for a lot longer than people realize, so the good old days may not be all that great.

Of course, people break the law all the time—and sometimes that’s a good thing.

In 1760 Philadelphia passed a law making it illegal to put pretzels in bags. I wonder if they sold them in boxes…

Baseball took a major hit in Oklahoma, where it is illegal to the ball over the fence or out of a ballpark. If still enforced I wonder if it would cut down on steroid use…

Driving has generated many laws since autos were invented and here are some of my favorites.

California law prohibits a woman from driving a car while dressed in a housecoat. I wonder what kind of dress was banned for men…

California may sound sexist and petty, but lawmakers in Tennessee and New York obviously have absolutely no faith in their constituents. What makes me so sure?

Tennessee has a statute making it illegal to drive a car while sleeping.

And if that isn’t silly enough, in New York it’s against the law for a blind person to drive a car. I wonder if they can legally drive other types of transportation…

A real favorite dates back to 1930 when the great state of Virginia passed a law that prohibits corrupt practices or bribery by any person other than political candidates. I wonder when that law was extended to the rest of the citizens…

But it is California that takes the cake California, where dirty dancing was (probably) invented, has a statute dating back to 1925 that makes it illegal to wiggle while dancing. I wonder if that extends to walking and other forms of locomotion…

One caveat, it’s possible that some of these laws have been repealed and others could be urban legends, but as far as know they are real.

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A few weeks ago I read an article in Business Week about corporations using security surveillance to check on people taking sick days. It was a list of high profile absences that I wanted to share with you and that gave me the idea for Oddball Facts as an occasional alternative to Quotable Quotes.

Of course, sometimes employees are at work when they aren’t; in other words, the body is present, but the mind is absent, which can have dire results.

Jack Phillips and Harold Bride, radio operators, Titanic: The duo were tasked with handling radio messages for the ship’s 2,220-plus passengers. Unfortunately, they didn’t heed significant iceberg warnings.

Typically, inexcusable absences focus on line workers who call in sick when they aren’t; most people assume that it’s more prevalent in lower levels and mostly on unimportant days, but that isn’t always the case.

There’s a commercial running these days for a cold remedy that features quarterback Drew Brees; the take away is that some people can’t miss a day’s work. But consider another sports figure that didn’t see it that way.

Manny Ramirez, MLB superstar: Playing for the Red Sox in 2003, he was out sick during a series against the Yankees. Though not sick enough to stop him from socializing with the Pinstripes’ Enrique Wilson at the Boston Ritz-Carlton bar.

Remember Nero, who fiddled while Rome burned? He didn’t have anything on this CEO.

Jimmy Cayne, former CEO, Bear Stearns: The Bridge Grand Master famously departed for a tournament as his firm—and its nearly $400 billion in assets—flirted with bankruptcy and sent Wall Street into chaos.

Many companies allow employees to work from home, even management on occasion, but how long would Wall Street tolerate the president of a troubled company who worked a third of the time from home, let alone a vacation home? Not long, you say? It didn’t seem to bother them when it was the President of the United States.

George W. Bush, former President, brush-clearing enthusiast: During two terms, Bush spent 487 days at Camp David and 490 at his Crawford ranch. One-third of his Presidency was thus spent “working from home.”

Flickr image credit: D Sharon Pruitt

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