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Archive for February, 2019

Angry Why?

Wednesday, February 27th, 2019

https://www.flickr.com/photos/23024164@N06/18013329295/

So far, this week has focused on handling anger, but knowing where it come from is just as important.

The best approach to sorting it out is to think it through — either on your own or with a trusted friend who will be honest and can be objective.

Then address these questions.

Is the anger general or specific?

General anger, the kind that seems to always be simmering just beneath the surface, deserves professional evaluation, especially if you find it affecting your moods and relationships.

Specific anger needs to be analyzed.

At work or outside?

Give careful thought to what/where brings it on. Does it start at work, home or other places you go? With a specific a person or activity? Is it hot anger or cold? Is it really anger or is it anxiety?

What’s next?

The reason you want to identify the source as specifically as possible is that it opens up a wide range of possible ways to address it, from direct discussion (not confrontation) to avoidance strategies and dozens of other approaches in-between.

The process is easier if you talk it through with a trusted friend, someone who can be both objective and supportive.

And don’t be surprised if you discover that you are part of the problem, not just the solution.

Image credit: Damian Gadal

Ducks in a Row: A Third Way to Handle Anger

Tuesday, February 26th, 2019

https://www.flickr.com/photos/ruthanddave/5614202472/

Ryan’s solution to getting angry is to respond after he’s slept; the vp in yesterday’s post went somewhere private to cool down before responding.

Both work, but there’s a third way.

The non-tech world already figured it out and the tech world is starting to admit that “move fast and break things” isn’t the smartest approach.

However, there is one good time to break things, although moving fast is optional.

That’s when you’re seriously angry and what may break is you.

Not good.

Instead, break a thing.

Contrary to what a lot of professionals tell you, hitting a ball or even a punching bag, no matter how hard, doesn’t always help.

Why? Because when all is said and done, hitting [whatever] is constructive, not destructive

And destructive feelings are usually immune to constructive action.

Smashing something is different.

Glasses or crockery — dishes, bowls, cups — work best and they’re cheap at garage sales and thrift shops.

The only caveat is to smash safely.

The easiest way is to get a really deep large box (the kind from a washer, dryer, etc.) and smash whatever you are using in that. If it’s too tall to throw straight down stand on a stool.

The important thing is to be able to throw really hard — smash as opposed to break.

First, focus your mind on your anger.

Then focus on the item you plan to smash and transfer your anger to the object.

Then smash it.

The goal is to destroy the feelings along with the object.

The number of items depends on the quantity of anger.

Best of all, it works.

I know.

I had a smashing station in my garage for years.

I don’t need it anymore.

Image credit: Ruth Hartnup

Golden Oldies: What To Do When You Get Really Mad

Monday, February 25th, 2019

https://www.flickr.com/photos/istolethetv/37792400/Poking through 12+ years of posts I find information that’s as useful now as when it was written.

Golden Oldies is a collection of the most relevant and timeless posts during that time.

Ryan’s post a couple of weeks ago reminded me of something I’ve wrote a long time ago.

The sum of it was not that great but in the moment it was contentious. Emails and gnashing of teeth on both sides. In that moment I was angry, but I chose to wait to respond.

My solution? Sleep.

Good solution, but when you’re a boss and something happens that makes you angry you usually can’t wait until the next day to deal with it.

So what do you do? Here’s a solution from the 1970s (and before). It worked then, it works now and it will work in the future.

Read other Golden Oldies here.

How angry do you become when you ask your team or colleague for X and get X — 4, or X + 1. or even Y? How often have you lost, or almost lost it, because of the response you received during a meeting?

What is the only perfect response you can make when something happens and you’re ready to blow your top?

You’ve heard the answer all your life—when you’re angry, shut up/stay quiet/ don’t say anything; don’t “look” anything, either, until you’ve calmed down. Smart advice, but hard to follow.

Many managers don’t even realize when they go into “screaming mode,” because they don’t actually scream—they drip sarcasm, leak contempt, stream scorn or fire off zingers; they belittle and role their eyes. Most don’t realize the long-term damage that they do to their people; others just don’t care—their attitude is that stuff happens, get over it!

What neither type seems to realize is that, over time, one of three things happen,

  • people grow inured to their tantrums,
  • are damaged by them (people do stay in abusive relationships),
  • or leave the company.

To change this,

  • you must first acknowledge to yourself that you do it and that you want to change it; then
  • whenever you feel yourself getting angry smile, nod and leave by saying that you have to make a call, use the bathroom, whatever innocuous excuse best fits the situation;
  • go somewhere private, blow off steam if necessary, but calm down;
  • schedule a time to resume the discussion; then
  • simulate the least amount of anger (if any) needed to get your point across.

It’ll take people time to trust the “new” you, but it’s worth it. In the office, it will pay off in higher productivity and less turnover. You and your people will suffer less from stress, and you, personally, will have more energy, enjoy higher quality sleep, and see improvement in all your relationships

Image credit: istolethetv

Ryan’s Journal: Why Look?

Thursday, February 21st, 2019

 https://www.flickr.com/photos/haydnseek/263234802/

I had a recruiter reach out to me today. It starts innocently enough. They connect on LinkedIn. 80% of the time after the connection it is complete silence from the recruiter. If I’m curious I will look at their site, but usually I don’t even do that.

I am in sales, so whenever I have these folks who connect and don’t speak, it confuses me. However, today I had a recruiter who connected then messaged.

I don’t mind these approaches, I get that they are trying to fill roles, but I am in a place now where I truly don’t care what role is out there. I’m happy where I am, I’m making a good living and the company is on a rocket ship of growth without VC money calling the shots.

This guy reached out and asked if I had time for a quick chat. I responded by asking what it would reference as I wanted some context. Instead he said a mutual connection suggested me and he had a need for my expertise. I’ll be honest, that sounds like BS to me.

My post here is to not bash recruiters, but to say you have to give context for a meeting. The old trick of creating curiosity in a prospect by dangling something in front of me doesn’t work. You know what does work?  An explanation of a career path or role that is too exciting not to consider. A company that has a culture that promotes success.

For this recruiter the answer will be a solid no for my time. I asked twice for context, didn’t get it and quite frankly don’t care to pursue it further.

Image credit: Bill Ohl

Email Apples and Oranges

Wednesday, February 20th, 2019

https://www.flickr.com/photos/matthewreid/6194952435/

Last Friday Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist professor at Wharton and columnist for the New York Times, wrote a column saying that not responding to email was rude.

I’m really sorry I didn’t say hi, make eye contact or acknowledge your presence in any way when you waved to me in the hallway the other day. It’s nothing personal. I just have too many people trying to greet me these days, and I can’t respond to everyone.

That sounds ridiculous, right? You would never snub a colleague trying to strike up a conversation. Yet when you ignore a personal email, that’s exactly what you’ve done: digital snubbery.

Two days later Mark Suster, a partner at Upfront Ventures, penned a 1600 word response on Medium saying he thought it was really dumb.

That people just got too much email, his examples?

Do you think that the CEO of Google should answer every written letter he receives? Should Jeff Bezos be required to address every written complaint that shows up in Seattle or Satya Nadella at Microsoft?

He goes on lumping every social media platform request together with email and how it’s impossible to respond to them all.

Grant’s post specifies colleagues and makes no reference to social media requests.

I also doubt that Suster’s examples are the folks Grant had in mind.

The great majority of workers don’t keep schedules the likes of Bezos, Page or Nadella nor do they carry the same responsibilities, so it’s actually a pretty dumb comparison.

But Suster has a big following in the tech world and I’m sure there are thousands of techies who will happily latch on to his words as justification to continue ignoring emails.

Image credit: matthewreid

Ducks in a Row: Don’t Be an A**hole

Tuesday, February 19th, 2019

https://www.flickr.com/photos/95561244@N02/8717898389/

Receiver Larry Fitzgerald, entering his 15th season, said this is the advice he’d like to give rookies.

God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen twice as much as you talk. You learn a lot more when you’re listening.

Wally Bock quoted the same thing in a recent post.

Describing a manager who made a major hiring error that went uncorrected, I commented , that he couldn’t hear and wouldn’t have listened anyway.

Of course, it’s easier to talk than listen.

And you can’t really listen if you are looking at your phone.

Or doing anything on your computer.

Or thinking about where to go to lunch or what to make for dinner.

Or thinking about what you want to say as soon as the other person shuts up.

In other words, you can’t listen, really listen if you’re multitasking.

I might end this post with Wally’s high-level, positive summing up.

Listening is a critical leadership skill you can master. It will help you learn about the people you work with, demonstrate you think they’re important, and help you make better decisions.

But my take is low-level simple.

Knowing and practicing good listening is a great way to avoid being the lead character in Bob Sutten’s book The No Asshole Rule.

Image credit: Alan Goudy

Golden Oldies: The Accent Challenge

Monday, February 18th, 2019

https://www.flickr.com/photos/98673962@N06/11085205754

Poking through 12+ years of posts I find information that’s as useful now as when it was written.

Golden Oldies is a collection of the most relevant and timeless posts during that time.

You might think that stuff would change in 11 years and you would be correct if you were talking about technology, food, or similar topics. But when the subject is people, not so much.

Accents can be just as much a challenge today as they were when I wrote this and before. The difference 11 years have made is that while there is greater acceptance of diverse accents the need for understanding them hasn’t changed.

Nor has the solution described in this post. If anything, its importance has significantly increased.

Read other Golden Oldies here.

The ability to communicate successfully, in both directions, is the mark of a great manager, as is building and managing a powerful and innovative organization.

Accomplishing this mandates a willingness to hire the best available people.

But what do you do when the best can’t be easily understood?

Accents, whether from overseas or US regional, are a major turnoff to many people. Reactions range from idiotic assumptions of incompetence (essentially subconscious prejudice) to annoyance for having to exert effort listening (sheer laziness).

In a diverse world of shrinking talent pools, where English is a second language for many, it’s bad business to pass on those candidates, but it’s also ridiculous to believe that the problem will fix itself or just fade away if you ignore it.

I’m not talking about the need for flawless English, but about recognizing what happens if they aren’t understood.

What can you, as a manager, do?

If the challenge is accent (whether from India, China, New York, Liverpool, Mississippi, etc.), rather than comprehension or language knowledge, that could minimize their contribution or effectiveness, what do you do?

The same solution you use for any good candidate who is lacking a particular skill, you offer training. In this case, accent reduction training.

Again, not to force them to sound like you, but to improve their speech enough to ensure a reasonable level of understanding.

Yes, the discussion and offer needs to be handled with sensitivity, but people aren’t stupid and they know the things that put them at a disadvantage in the workplace. What you are offering to do is pay for training that will give them a boost throughout their career, not just at your company.

The cost isn’t that great, either, the company profiled in the article charges around $1000 per person. In comparison to the cost-per-day of continuing the search, $1000 doesn’t even qualify as a peanut.

Plus, there is additional ROI to you, individually, and to your company.

  • You acquire top talent with a high degree of loyalty, while building a reputation as a creative manager, who knows how to successfully staff outside the box, is willing to invest in people, and has the vision to see beyond the obvious.
  • Your company strengthens its diversity, which typically improves innovation, while your management achievements have an external halo effect on the company.

Image credit: 마 법사

If The Shoe Fits: Real or Not

Friday, February 15th, 2019

A Friday series exploring Startups and the people who make them go. Read all If the Shoe Fits posts here.

Why is it that  founders who start out by claiming they want to stand against evil, just connect people, give people a new way to earn, or in some way make the world a better place, so often morph, to be polite, into jerks?

Money? Power? Drinking their own media Kool-Aid?

All of the above?

Or is it that, as opposed to morphing, given the right circumstances, even if transient, they always were jerks?

https://www.facebook.com/stfd.shutthefrontdoor/photos/a.226003427428996/1821339914561998/?type=3&theater

People, especially in our age of self-branding, work hard creating their image, so when considering it, caveat emptor.

Because what you see ain’t necessarily what you get.

Hat tip to KG for sending me the quote.

Image credit: Shut The Front Door

 

 

 

Ryan’s Journal: How to Stay Sane with a Baby

Thursday, February 14th, 2019

https://www.flickr.com/photos/pip0ka/14478050930/

I have been trying to think of topics to write about this week and am struggling. As I laid down in bed only one thing came to mind, sleep.

I have a 5 week old now, along with three other beautiful children and sleep alludes me.

They all have different schedules and needs. They are all competing for my attention as well.

How can I fix this? Sleep.

It made me think of the competing interests we have at work. Different deadlines. Different priorities. Agendas to pursue. They can all add up.

I had a conflict at work recently.

The sum of it was not that great but in the moment it was contentious. Emails and gnashing of teeth on both sides.

I tend to not get too wrapped up in drama at work, but it will happen when two or more humans are gathered.

In that moment I was angry, but I chose to wait to respond.

My solution? Sleep.

I rested and rethought about a solution.

The next day the sun was shining and the birds sang. I was no longer angry and was able to resolve the issues.

Sleep. That is all you need.

I know this is not the only answer to life, but at this moment it’s a good answer.

Image credit: Ana Sofia Guerreirinho

Bias in Action

Wednesday, February 13th, 2019

I’ve always been a Dilbert fan, probably because in the course of my career first as a recruiter and then at my company, RampUp Solutions, coaching managers on culture, hiring, retention, etc.,

I’ve spent a lot of time with pointy-haired bosses.

Pointy-headed, actually.

I’ve sat and listened to some of the weirdest, silliest, and just plain stupidest reasons for a hiring decision than you can imagine.

Over the years I’ve shared these stories with KG and several years ago he sent me a Dilbert that summed it up nicely — except that pointy-hair’s reasoning was more valid than some of what I’ve heard from real bosses.

Maybe it will resonate the next time your normal reasoning slips, since it can happen to even the most well-balanced boss.

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