Friends, Colleagues and Acquaintances
by Miki SaxonI have two best friends, although according to the sign one of them gave me last Christmas I actually have a ‘Good’ friend and a ‘True’ friend.
My friendships with them are unilateral— they have met only once and it’s doubtful they will ever meet again.
The sign-giver is the true friend, while the other prefers good friend status, although she offered to bail us both out, which should count for something.
The sign hangs by my desk and I look at it frequently.
It is a constant reminder of all we have shared; all we have helped each other get through; all the stuff, both good and bad, that is coming down the future.
The sign has taken on even more meaning since I read Adam Grant’s post You’re Not My Friend. Grant is Wharton’s top-rated professor and the author of Give And Take (I wrote about the research for it here) and a very smart guy when it comes to human interaction.
Grant takes note of people who claim him as a friend, let alone those who have asked to friend him on Facebook.
Judging from recent friend requests, my friends apparently include a person who ignored me in grad school, a second cousin’s high school classmate, a colleague’s mentee, a peewee soccer teammate I vaguely remember, and some guy who sat at a table near me at a restaurant once.
He then helpfully provides seven criteria with which to judge whether you are a colleague, an acquaintance or a friend.
I should also note that Grant is under 40, so you can’t consider him an old fogey who doesn’t understand today’s social world.
If you number your friends in double or triple digits, let alone as a cast of thousands, you’re probably in for a letdown.
While Facebook uses ‘friends’ as a catch-all term you shouldn’t do the same, it’s highly unlikely that many of them are ‘good’, let alone ‘true’ friends.
Image credit: WishUponASign on Etsy
