Ducks In A Row: Are You Well-Put-Together?
by Miki SaxonIf she is looking over your shoulder at a room full of potentially more interesting people, she is ill-mannered. If, however, she is not looking over your shoulder, but into a smartphone in her hand, she is not only well within modern social norms, but is also a wired, well-put-together person.
Obviously, I’m not well-put-together.
Meet me and you’ll know instantly that I am the proud possessor of antique manners, as opposed to the digital kind.
- I pay attention to people while talking with them, as opposed to scanning the room for someone more interesting, i.e., useful.
- I really listen to what they are saying.
- I don’t text as we talk.
- I don’t check email, make dinner reservations, surf, etc. during our conversation.
This is as true when I talk on the phone as when I attend a networking event or social function.
The body of brain research that proves the only thing multitasking achieves is to make you incompetent grows daily.
It’s just not how our brains were built.
My ‘old-fashion’ focus has many benefits chief of which is people remember me weeks, months and even years later when all we had was a 30 second conversation.
Think about it.
When was the last time that someone gave you their completely undivided attention for 30 seconds or longer?
When was the last time you gave someone yours?
Fickr image credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/zedbee/103147140/
April 19th, 2011 at 7:29 am
I hate talking to people at mixers/events because I have a very bad habit of watching the room. At work I have up blinders around my desk to make sure I can’t see people walking past my cubical otherwise I’d be glancing at passers-by every few minutes.
If there’s movement there’s a good chance I’m going to look…and I always feel so very rude when I do it when talking to people. I’m working it, but I haven’t found a good trick like the blinders for my cube.
April 19th, 2011 at 7:30 am
Forgot to click the “notify” button so I can see any follow-up.
April 19th, 2011 at 11:09 am
You are miles ahead of most people, Luke, in as much as you not only know, but care that you do it and are working to stop.
I don’t have a silver bullet for you, but I’ve found that for many people their eyes wander when their mind isn’t fully engaged. Try intense, active listening; work to catch every syllable and nuance of what they are saying; focus on the content, not what you will say next.
It may be my prejudice, but I think what you describe is a side effect of multitasking and the tweet mentality; the constant worry that you may miss something. It’s kind of like going to dinner and wondering so much about the next course that you don’t taste the one you are eating.