Possible Toxic Boss: A Reader’s Question
by Miki Saxon
A reader, “John,” emailed me with a question and suggested that I respond in the blog, because he felt that the information would be useful to everyone and I agree.
Miki, like many people these days I was laid off and have had a lot of trouble finding work. I finally interviewed and they have told me that I’ll be receiving an offer next week.
It should be terrific, but I’m very concerned about the manager I’ll be reporting to. I was in the department for most of a day and never saw anyone smile or joke with a colleague; people seemed to be tip-toeing around and trying their best to avoid this person.
The interview included conversations with three other people, one in the same group and the other two are people I’d be interfacing with. None of them would discuss the hiring manager, not a word and the internal guy practically freaked when I asked him what the manager was like to work with.
I know that beggars can’t be choosers, but I’m really concerned. I don’t want to accept and then quit a few months later. I have enough savings to hold out for awhile longer, but have no idea what else might open up.
I remember something you wrote a long time ago that a person can’t be miserable for 8+ hours a day and then come home and be fine.
So, what do you think?
John remembered correctly, 20+ years of experience has proven to me that people aren’t water faucets—they can’t be miserable in half their life, turn off the feelings and be happy in the other half.
Under normal circumstances, including a normal recession, I’d suggest waiting, but there is nothing normal about what is going on.
The great advantage that John has if he decides to accept the offer is that he is knows something is wrong, knows there is fear in the air, knows the hiring manager is the likely source.
Knowing all that, John is in the position of being able to build protective barriers around his psyche before he comes under fire.
He needs to discuss it with his wife and explain to his close family and closest friends; doing so ahead of time alerts them that he may be in very difficult situation and need extra support. It’s important to have the conversations now, not when he’s inside and under attack.
In doing all this, John needs to be very careful not to turn it into a case of assumptions and self-fulfilling prophecy.
In short, John needs to hope and strive for the best, but prepare for the worst.
It’s always best to avoid a toxic boss and to leave one as quickly as possible, but desperate times call for unusual actions and a lot more preparation.
Image credit: eek the cat on flickr
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October 23rd, 2009 at 9:47 am
Miki – This is a tough one. I wonder if this manager represents the culture of the company, or is just a random controlling manager. Sadly, this kind of manager stifles ideas, innovation, creativity, and all the contributions that comes with high morale.
I do agree with you that in “normal” times, John should probably pass on this one. Unfortunately, these are not normal times and John could burn through his savings before another good offer comes along.
Your advice is great, plus I would add that John should try to cultivate as open a line of communication as possible with the manager. Even controlling managers need to communicate, and how John reacts and participates in the communication will be important.
This could be a real learning experience for John–there are toxic managers everywhere–and I would recommend that John approach his new job as such, and learn all he can on how to handle this kind of manager.