He starts by informing you that “Bank of Montreal [Canada’s oldest bank dating to 1817] announced a series of management changes in its capital-markets operation this week,” explaining that all of the executive changes were internal moves as opposed to being advertised externally.
Critchley goes on to describe what an ad might look like if the position had been open to outsiders.
“The position is ideally suited for a senior banker who loves to tell lots of stories over lunch because you will be doing lots of lunches over the next couple of years…a person who is prepared to go big, indeed, an executive who will bet the farm…must have shown a demonstrated competence to manage upwards…extra consideration will be given to those bankers whose group has lost more than $1.5-billion over the past year…We will pay a generous compensation package consisting of salary, bonus, stock, stock options and other perks…We are proud of the corporate culture we have developed over the past 191 years…we don’t toss our CEOs overboard at the first sign of trouble…we stick by you despite the mess.”
Great satire, but also, assuming the one-and-a-half billion dollar loss and 1000 person layoffs are accurate, an excellent encapsulation of a company yearning for real leadership, not just old executives in new positions or new executives cut from the current cloth.
Is this a company in which you’d want to own stock?
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