Words both the express and reflect your MAP. How important are they? How much do they matter? Can substituting one word for another change the meaning/outcome of the discussion/conversation? Would you rather work for/be a “tough” manager or one who is described as a “hard-ass?” Few people would choose the hard-ass, but how many use them interchangeably when talking?

Here’s an excerpt from a conversation I had yesterday with a client,

CEO: I’m concerned that [head of sales] level of aggression is not high enough and that he feels somewhat uncomfortable about pushing the sales folks and being a hard-ass.

Me: What exactly do you mean by hard-ass?

CEO: Requires very high standards of performance – preferably without being unpleasant, although that’s necessary from time to time.

Me: Unpleasant is really not acceptable. Tough doesn’t mean unpleasant as long as it’s fair. Unpleasant indicates emotions and emotions shouldn’t come into it. It’s unpleasant when your boss is upset and yells or threatens. When your boss calmly holds you accountable to quotas and goals that you’ve previously agreed upon, it may be uncomfortable and you may not be happy, but that’s different than unpleasant.

CEO: I meant tough.

Me: OK, but you need to be careful of how you phrase things. Words such as “hard-ass” carry lots of negative baggage, whereas “tough” has fairly positive baggage.

It’s the baggage you need to watch. Words carry social meanings beyond their definitions and those meanings cause many of the miscommunication and misunderstandings in human interaction.

You need to stay aware of the words you use, keeping in mind how they are used and perceived by society in general, and especially your specific audience. Avoid words that are generally considered negative, in spite of whether personally you consider them neutral or even positive. Your true purpose when communicating should be to be heard and accurately understood, not to change the societal perception of a word convenient to your use.

Whether you like it or not, the words you use reflect Your MAP—who you are, as well as how you view yourself, those around you and the world in general. It’s worth a little effort to make sure that the reflection is accurate.

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 25th, 2006 at 12:34 pm and is filed under Communication. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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